How to help a depressed girlfriend?

[Troubsey]

Greetings folks,

First a little overview of our relationship:
I have been dating my girlfriend for around 8 months now and we are really feeling serious about our relationship and where it might lead to. She actually considers me marriage material and the feeling is mutual. We live a long distance away from each other so we dont get to see each other nearly as often as we would like since we live around 6-8 hours away from each other. The past month has been rocky because of me making a mistake (see my other thread) but we survived it and we are almost recovered from it.

About my girlfriend:
My girlfriend is in her late teens and when she is in a normal mood she is a pure angel. Thats probably a overused cliche but when you see how she helps out people or how nice she is to everyone around her then angel is the only way you can sum her up.
She is also extremely sensitive, a stereotype girly girl. She gets easily upset.
She has a really really troubled past filled with abuse, attempted rape and the violent death of her 'first true love'.
She has had councilling for the past year or two, but she still suffers from bouts of extreme depression every now and then.

The situation right now:
The past few days she has been 'soulsearching' again and summing up all the things she has been through in her life. She explained to me how her level of happiness in her life kept rising and falling and how she was at her happiest when our love first started, but how she slowly is losing that happiness, without knowing why. That part scared me a bit.
Im thinking its because of the long distance part of our relationship thats slowly eating away at her. We do want to live closer together within the next 6-12 months or so but that feels so far away atm. She is unhappy again the past weeks and especially the past days she sounds really depressed.
I listen to her, let her talk about her past and encourage her when she does, reminding her im there for her to talk to, when im with her i give her hugs and cuddles, hold her hand, let her know i love her and that she is everything to me and that i have faith in her strength to ability to overcome this and her strength to hold on till we can be together on a more permanent basis.
A few weeks ago she described me as the person that "gives me the emotional centredness i need. And i let you express yourself more freely becuase next to me you look calm and collected. Thats one of the reasons we fit so well."

What i would like advice on:
I would like to know if there are any people in here that have been in a deep depression and can tell what they thought was the best way for people to help them or be there for them. I realize that its her problem and she has to get through this, but i sure as heck would like to be a considerate and supporting boyfriend to her. And yes, she is worth it and her being depressed doesnt drag me down, i only feel sorry for her and want to help her however i can.

Thank you for your time.

[ShyGuy81]

My advice is be careful, my girlfriend suffers from depression and at times is is very difficult. I know you want to help her and it is very upsetting to see her she is is really depressed and you just want to do something.

Sadly I made the mistake of becoming too close and always being there for her, however now it seems like in the long run I may have done more harm than good as she became too dependant on me and I think to a degree resents me for it as it hasn't helped her get better.

Everybody is different but make sure that you are supporting her and not hindering her. One of my good friends also suffered from depression and his advice to me was that no matter what you do somebody who is depressed can only help themselves. There is nothing you can do other than be there if they need you but don't try and fix the problem as you can't.

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you, sadly for me it looks as if I have lost her so don't make the same mistake.

Lee