Is she being fair?

[natalia914]

Hi all,
I'm new to this forum and really need some advice.

The person I'm seeing right now cheated on his girlfriend for 3 years with me and subsequently broke up with her 2 days later. He says that he's been thinking about ending it for a while because he was very unhappy in that relationship. He felt that his now ex-girlfriend was too dependent on him, and breaking up would just completely destroy her. He had pretty much given up on love until we met and I am very much in love with him and I know he is too.

Needless to say, his ex-girlfriend is devastated and it makes me feel awful knowing that I'm the cause of someone's heartbreak. He tells me it's not my fault and he's to blame but I can't help feeling horrible. We all go to the same college and him and I are working here for summer while she's away. He has since told her about me but she hasn't yet accepted the fact that they've broken up for good. She calls him almost everyday and promises that she will stop being so possessive or jealous and that she wants a second chance but he tells me that he knows its in her nature and that she can never really change. I can tell it's really stressing him out. He told me everything about their relationship and how he always let her get everything her way. He said that he was tired of it all and no longer wanted to be in that relationship. Breaking up with her was a huge step for him because he is concerned about her knowing how broken she'd be without him. She doesn't have any friends, came to this college because of him (they started dating in high school) and she hates it here.

She has had a very rough life and he feels more or less responsible over her, and has been supporting her financially too. However, he tells me that it feels so right being with me and that he had stopped loving his girlfriend before he met me, but was more obliged to stay with her. She has since told him that she's on anti-depressants because of him, threatened to commit suicide, and threatened to drop out of school if he didn't take her back. I don't doubt that she loves him a lot but at the same time, she is tearing him up inside and being, in my opinion, extremely inconsiderate towards his position because she knows that he is concerned about her and is exploiting his concern to guilt trip him into taking her back. She also told him that the only way she will stay in school and come back to college without them going out anymore is if he stays single and not date anyone else!!!

In my opinion, she's not being fair to him. I have been cheated on and I know it's an awful feeling but you can't force someone to love you or stay with you even if you love them a lot but I guess she doesn't understand that.

I love him so much and I know how it goes... a cheater's always a cheater... or so some say. But I am willing to take that risk. We are young and in love and it feels great, but I need to know how to deal with this and how I can help him out the situation with his ex-girlfriend. I also fear a confrontation with her when she comes back because she's been known to have a violent history with him and other girls.

I would really appreciate any advice at all. Thanks!!!

[ghettogirl]

I believe that some guys evoke possessiveness out of women. He's probably had some hand in making her possessive and jealous.

It's not trust that builds over time. It's distrust that builds over time.

Ask yourself: Will you be content knowing that he'll cheat to get out of a relationship? How would you feel if he did that to you? Now you know this is his "style".