Need Advice Next Move

**todd2009** · 03-09-09, 06:12 AM

I have been dating a woman for about 5 months. I have always heard that when you meet "the one" yo will know it. I always thought this was b.s. I told her that I loved her and gave her reasons why about a week ago. The next day she asked me about it, and I told her it was true. She said that was a big word and that she did not love me, but she felt good when she was with me. She was cheated on and hurt pretty bad by her ex of 5 years. (ended about year ago). My question is. Should I be patient (no very good at) and give more time? Or, should I move on? I really don't want to get hurt. We really have good times together and she always tells me she misses me, but she seems real wishy washy and that kills me.

Thanks in advance!

**Gigabitch** · 03-09-09, 06:16 AM

Nobody wants to get hurt, Todd. Sometimes you have to take a chance. Look, you're already halfway there. You already put yourself out there. Now all you have to do is just keep on doing what you've been doing for five months.

Maybe she needs to see that you're not going to bolt and run before she can let herself begin to take you seriously.

**bluesummer** · 03-09-09, 06:21 AM

I can tell you from experience that being cheated on really takes a toll on one's willingness to open up and to trust. It leaves a LOT of emotional scars, especially if the relationship was serious. It will probably take more than five months to get her to be able to reciprocate feelings in the same way, especially with the wounds being this fresh.

Basically, you have to be willing to put the time in, and hope she comes around. No guarantees, though. Sometimes these sorts are better off just being left alone until they feel they are ready to be in a relationship again.

**todd2009** · 03-09-09, 06:29 AM

I have been pursuing pretty heavy, flowers,gifts,compliments,notes,dinner dates etc. Seems like it has been all me. I know in my heart she enjoys being with me when we are together and all the nice things I do for her. Should I pull back and let her do little pursuing? I feel like going out and buying the ring tomorrow, but I dont want to scare her off.

**bluesummer** · 03-09-09, 06:34 AM

Oh god no, until you see a major amount of reciprocation from her, DO NOT going buying her any ring, unless you are prepared for major rejection. This girl can't even say she loves you, but you want to marry her? Come on now. Be realistic. You are nowhere near that stage.

**todd2009** · 03-09-09, 06:42 AM

Should I back of pursuing so much?

**LiberatingLove** · 03-09-09, 08:24 AM

I think you should just enjoy being with her. Sounds like you really really love her. Enjoy her. Marriage is a completely different ball game, but closeness is completely a perspective. Be as close to her as you want. Either way, if you enjoy her, you are never wasting your time.
Also, I suggest talking to her about her ex, maybe she has a lot of old issues stuffed down. Point out that you are a different person than her ex, and give her all the love you can.

Good luck, hon.

**Gigabitch** · 03-09-09, 08:27 AM

Don't back off, Todd. Don't change anything. She's watching you to see how you react to this revelation.

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