How to handle a breakup?

[J0rdan]

Hey guys!

I'm kinda new here, and I'd like to ask for your help because, well, not long ago I got dumped by my girlfriend, and I just don't know how to deal with it.

Most of my friends did not have a girlfriend, or at least not a serious one, so even though they do try to help me, sometimes they can't understand, and I can't tell them everything anyway because, well, I'm a guy ><

So hum, I guess I should probably tell you a little about myself, and the relation I used to have.
I'm still pretty young, I'm gonna be 18 soon.
Though, unlike most of my friends, I sometimes think like someone way older. Indeed, my girlfriend and I were already talking about marriage, and all that.
You might say we were too young for that, but well, that's kinda all I want.
Anyway, the fact that we were talking about that stuff made the breakup even harder for me.
Moreover, that was my first serious relation, the others before that well, not serious XD So I didn't really care back then, but now, I do care.

We've been together one year, and, every plan I made for my future involved her, so now that she left me, it seems like my future is ****ed up.

I'm all lost, I don't feel like having a new girlfriend, not that I don't want it, but I'm like "there's no way I can find somebody else", I feel like no girl is gonna want me as her boyfriend, it's like I lost all my self-esteem.

So well, if you guys could help me out a little, maybe tell me if you went there too, that would be really awesome

Thanks already!

[L0stL0ve]

Though I don't know WHY you guys broke up, but I can say it's going to hurt and it will for a while. Me and my exboyfriend of 4.5 years broke up 2 months ago and it still hurts. But..learn to accept it. Learn to be alone. I just recently turned 21 and..I've never been single for longer than 3 months since i was 13. And when we broke up, i told myself the exact same thing, "no1 would want to be with me i wont find another bf" I mean, i'm not going to say i will or not, but the more you think about it, the more you'll hurt yourself. Just go out n do what you use to do without her. I mean im sure u were happy and living a life b4 u guys got together. i've been told by numerous ppl, time heals all. and time will be your best friend at times like this

I don't think it was too young to talk about marriage, I was with my ex for 2 years before we both turned 18 and..we both talked about how it would b in the future and all that, telling me we were gunna live together and get marry. It's not something right or wrong to talk about, its us how u feel at the moment. But sometimes things don't work out..then you have to move on. Let go of what's not meant to be, if it was meant to be..it will come back..but ...don't sit there and wait for it.."life is about moving forward not backwards" just because it use to work out doesn't mean it always will..give it some time

best wishes

[J0rdan]

Well she broke up with me because she did not love me anymore, at least that is what she said.

Anyway thank you a lot for answering, it's somehow reassuring, and also a little creepy XD
I'm kinda scared of being alone, I've been seeing her almost every day for a year, so I just don't want to be lonely.
Though since I went back to school, I guess I'll have to work and all that, moreover I'm gonna do a lot of sports since I stopped everything when I was with my ex-girlfriend.

But again thanks a lot, I'm gonna let time do its job and well, I hope I'll be able to find somebody with whom I can talk about marriage and all that again.

Thank you again (I said it a lot :x) L0stL0ve

[L0stL0ve]

Well whatever the reason is, that's what she said so accept it like that..her reason might be easier to get over too..i mean why would u wanna b with someone that doesnt love u anymore..my ex told me "i love you and i would give up and do anything for you but im just not in love with u anymore" he couldnt commit..soo..it's good that ur taking the steps to let go and do things u use to do, because it took me too long to realize it.

But know that being ALONE and being LONELY is two different thing. When you learn to be alone, be content, you wont be lonely, because friends and family are ALWAYS there for you.

I'm sure u'll find that girl that can feel the same way.

GOOD LUCK!

[J0rdan]

Yeah anyway I believe in "the one", so I guess if she left me there's no way that's her, that's why I'm able to let go, even though it's not as easy as it sounds.

I always told her that if she left me, then I don't know her anymore. But now that she does left me, I realize that it's really hard to do what I said, forgetting is really though, and it is going to take a lot of time.

You're right though, being alone and lonely is not the same thing, and I just didn't realize that, so again, thanks
But, my close friends don't have a girlfriend, so they don't really know what I'm going through, so even if they are here for me indeed, I still feel kinda bad because well, they don't really get it.

Though talking with you makes me feel better since you get it, and you're helping a lot, it feels nice to know that well, I'm not the only one going through that.

I hope you will find a boyfriend that will be ready to commit with you, and well I'm sure you will actually

Thanks a lot!

[Gigabitch]

Jordan, your friends are so lucky. When they go through their first big breakup, they'll have you to turn to for advice.

[J0rdan]

Well yeah I guess they are :p
I wish I could turn to some of my friends for advice too, but unfortunately I can't, which makes that breakup a lot harder to handle.
I don't regret coming here though, it is helping and it feels nice.

[Chazza2k]

Hey Jord

I've been going through something simular and I know its not easy, your mind keeps wandering back to her and you keep looking for reasons that everything fell apart. But there are really no answers.

I have basically tried to focus on myself, carry on what you normally do. I have started cycling again and am basically trying to keep myself busy, focus on what it really is you want. Learn from it and move forward.

You will be OK, you just need a bit of time.

Good Luck

---
Charlie

[J0rdan]

Hey

Like you did I try focusing on myself, I've been doing a lot of sports as I used too, but well, when I'm at school, I just can't keep my mind off my ex girlfriend, I keep thinking about the good moments that we shared, and I just can't understand why she broke up. It feels so unfair, I feel betrayed, but even though I feel a lot of anger, it's just to hard not to think about her since everything I do, I've done it with her.
I think I'll be able to love a new person, but it's like I can already see myself ending up all alone, I don't feel like I'll have another girlfriend again, whick only makes my situation worst.
I keep thinking about my ex girlfriend, and even though I'd love to move on, I'm not even sure I'll be able to do that.

I hope, as you say, that time will allow me to be OK, but damn I thought I was starting to feel better already, but those feelings seem to come back all at once, and they're so hard to bear.

Anyway, thanks a lot Chazza2k for posting, it is reassuring knowing that you've been through the same.

[Chazza2k]

Hey Jord,

A few tips I think on what not to do aswell. These are things that I have done in the last couple of weeks. In my case theres another guy she is with now so it makes it all the worse for me to handle. I regret them all.

1. Don't send her emails about all the times you have shared and how much you still care about her. (She doesn't care anymore)

2. Dont keep txting to meet up, (if she wanted to meet you she'd have agreed already)

3.Be very careful speaking to her on the phone, I did this and all was left was an uncaring tone in her voice that drove me crazy. I mean how can she talk to me like this after the last 2years? Ulimately it ended in me yelling and screaming like an angry madman down the line as some form of payback. The call ended. I then had to TXT to apoligise but she even less interested in that. We haven't spoken since and now I have the guilt of that conversation too.

4.Becareful drinking a ton alcohol to forget (Feels fantastic at first, then all you can think of is her for the next few hours, then you pass out, not to mention the hangover the next day)

5. Stop planning things in your head to win her back to you, If only I'd done this or only done that, It drives you crazy as you can't travel back in time to do it anyway.

Think the both of us need time to ajust to being us again without her in our lives. Not easy is it, seeing something that makes me think of her, wanting to txt or chat about something etc.. but I'm not going to give up, just got to get through it. Keeping busy definatley helps. Talk to friends and family if you can and posting here helps too.

---
Charlie