The 30's and 40s Single Scene

[CAM]

Just returned from (yet another) date. Okay, she's single in her 30's. She wouldn't be going out on date if she weren't interested in establishing some connection with a guy, right?

So, she shows up 25 minutes late. She's come directly from a girlfriend's baby shower, so she's not made any effort to look pretty. She out of shape, overweight. Overweight and not naturally pretty, wouldn't a woman like that want to make a special effort to show some class and actually try to look nice and show some consideration by showing up on time???

Me? I'm dressed in a summer suit. I'm on time. I groomed myself and everything.

Okay, so now she's late, not done up in any way...at that point, wouldn't you want to be pleasant in conversation? Apparently not. She TALKED for the first 90 minutes or so--never once actually asked me a question about anything.

I figured out why she was overweight--the most obvious being that she had no self-respect. Every problem or disappointing event in her life was still on her mind and all of them were driving her to distraction 24 hours a day. Every depressing event was still depressing her. Every competition she didn't win was still pissing her off.

So, you say: okay a bad date, what's the problem? I would agree BUT I have had NOTHING BUT dates like that in this town for 11 years. I wonder--is the 30 something US woman of today? A universal problem in which case I just get back to work and not look anymore (at least in this country). Or, is this endemic to certain regions? In which case, I high-tail it to another town ASAP.

What's the South like in terms of percentage of women with class? I'm considering a region in which I have never lived.

[Junket]

Do you live in a city?

[CAM]

in the Northern California interior region

[CAM]

Yes, its a city.

[IndiReloaded]

Cam, the best way for you to meet women of your social class is to attend events you enjoy where such women might be found.

See if there are any groups of interest for your city here:

[url]http://www.meetup.com/[/url]

[DoesntMatter]

The West Coast sucks, that's the problem

[Mish]

I've been on dates with the women you describe Cam (maybe not overweight) and I know what you are talking about. Unhappy, self centered, depressed with the world. I was really surprised by amount of women I dated who showed these signs.

The best advise I can give you is keep dating, don't settle down for women like that. It's a good thing that you have a natural ability to recognize them, some people just marry them and then spend the rest of their lives in hell. There are women out there who are genuinely happy, optimistic and don't drag you down into a hole with them. They are rare, but keep looking and you will find them.

[Aeradalia]

We got them in the south too... they're everywhere...

Luckily, so are the good ones... if you look hard enough...

[vashti]

I am trying to imagine a venue in the interior portion of Northern California that would be formal enough to require a "summer suit". Assuming you were dressed appropriately, I am wondering why you would choose such a formal outing for a virtual stranger. It's not like the average Californian dresses this way for a date - we are more layed back than in NYC.

[misombra]

i would know immediately that a guy was not for me by seeing him come to our first date in a summer suit.

[vashti]

Is this a summer suit? lol

[Enigmos]

CAM, i'm so sorry to hear of your dating experiences as of late. and, in sucks even moreso that it sounds like a familiar area!

this said, 2/3 of the US population is overweight or obese; you're not going to get away from this epidemic, unless you move to the state with the lowest percentage of overweight/obese individuals. (which is colorado, btw.)

there is another issue, though, and i'm still studying this observation, so i don't have a final opinion on this: there are more and more women who think they are the shit and won't settle for an man who doesn't fit all of their parameters of mr. right. you may have been running into these specimens.

[vashti]

OK, so I am feeling a little guilty about posting that picture. It was just a joke, CAM. I hope you weren't offended. If you were, I will take it down, but it makes me laugh.

[Chupacabras]

This is pretty normal I think. I'm batting around .200 here in the NE and have seen all of what you describe. Summer suit would be a bit much for me but we all have our own personal style so not going to get on you about that.

I think a lot of the problem with the women in their 30's is they've put a premium on career and never realized their pussies have a shelf-life. Now you're encountering all the women that think men look for the same thing in women that women do in men. "I'm an educated, professional woman, I'm a catch", no, you're boorish and unkempt with the personal insight of a teenager.

There seem to be a lot of window shoppers out there, too, that like to sabotage their efforts by doing things like your last date did.

Chin up, it can't go on forever (can it?).

[CAM]

I am trying to imagine a venue in the interior portion of Northern California that would be formal enough to require a "summer suit". Assuming you were dressed appropriately, I am wondering why you would choose such a formal outing for a virtual stranger. It's not like the average Californian dresses this way for a date - we are more layed back than in NYC.

I'm not the average Californian. I dress that way because it makes me feel good. Plus, I run into everyone everywhere--the president of my organization, politicians, business leaders in town, etc. So, half of it is because it makes me feel good and half of it is because I live in a "fishbowl."