How to get a guy to CHILL OUT?

[seastarfl]

Hmm...so honestly i've never been in this position before, as I always thought the clingy, obsessed people were women and not the men, but I have been proved wrong. First I"ll say I am a 22 year old female, who got out of a 4 year relationship about 3 months ago so I am trying to get myself out there and meet new people.

Well I met this guy on Tuesday. We hung out, and I really liked him, he is very good looking and seemed to have a lot in common with me (now I am wondering if he was just agreeing with everything I said) and a cool personality. We just sat at my house and talked and watched movies until about 4 in the morning, when I said I was going to sleep and he left. When I woke up on wednesday morning, I had 5 texts from him already saying things like, "Are you up yet princess?" "I hope I'm the first one you talk to today" "I miss you already" and then "hello?" "are you there" and I was kinda like wow thats pretty crazy this guy must really like me. So I called him and said I just woke up and he asked if I wanted to come hang out at his house for the day. I said sure and ended up going over there.

Well the whole night he was completely SPRAWLED all over me on the sofa and everytime I moved or adjusted my position he would say things like "Are you ok? is anything wrong? Do you want to go home? tell me if you don't like me sitting by you" and at first I didn't care at all but towards the end I was just kind of like ok you are making me not want to sit by you by saying all of those things!

He would show me music videos of all these cheesey love songs he liked and started saying, "I think I've finally found someone to fit all of these lyrics for me!" and "Do you think its possible to fall in love with someone after just a few days?" ugh. Well he asked if I wanted to stay the night, and I did, but I did NOT sleep with him and still haven't. I woke up this morning to him tickling my arm and blowing on my face and it kind of creeped me out when I sat up he just said all cheesey "good morning gorgeous, I just wanted to be the first thing you saw when you opened your beautiful eyes today."............ok now its getting quite creepy. I mumbled a "thanks" and went into his living room to get my stuff together.

Thats when he said, "I wrote something for you" and hands me this paper with this long ass love poem/letter on it about stuff that I don't think is ok to say until you are actually with someone for awhile! Like spending the rest of your life together, and finally feeling complete and this and that. After I read it I had no idea what to say, I just said thanks again and he said, "Oh you can keep it if you want its yours!" and thats when I said ok I guess I'm going to head out now, and THEN he says, "Well I have my overnight bags packed so we can have a fun night at YOUR house tonight!" He was planning on coming home with me to spend yet ANOTHER 24 hours together. I couldn't believe it, I said "Look we've been spending every minute for the last 3 days together, you don't want any time to yourself to do your own things?" and he just looked really hurt and said, "No you are the only person I care about seeing silly!" So at that point I knew I would need an excuse to leave.

I acted like my boss called me into to work and said oh damn! I have to go work now, I'll call you when I get off. He was really sad but I left anyway, and that was 1 1/2 hours ago, and in that time I have gotten SEVEN texts and 2 calls from him all saying, "I'm thinking about you gorgeous!" and "Is something wrong you aren't texting back I hope nothing happened to you do I need to call the police?" and "Are you there? please talk to me", "Am I bothering you?", "You're getting tired of me aren't you?", "did I run you off yet?" and a bunch of other just CRAZY ASS SHIT that just is making me want to SCREAM. I mean if I haven't responded to a SINGLE one, wouldn't he get the hint that I don't want to ****ing talk back?

His last one said, "I have an important question, do you want to be with me? I mean be my girlfriend?" and I have not answered yet. I am pretty distraught because I really thought I could like this guy, but him acting like this just KILLED it. I mean its only been 3 days and I haven't even had sex with the guy and he's acting like this. The other problem is that I am a REALLY nice person, who has a really really really hard time letting people down, but I have got to do SOMETHING to get this guy to chill out and lighten up. Any ideas without being just plain mean? Maybe thats the only way to get this guy to understand, I don't know. Am I just being picky and cold hearted? maybe this is what some girls want and I should like it, but I just don't know if its what I want. Any advice or suggestions is greatly appreciated, thanks.

[Mish]

*Shrugs*

Wow, that's down right creepy!

You've only known him for a couple of days and he's already talking about spending the rest of your lives together? I think you need to tell him that he's moving too fast too soon and it's making you feel very uncomfortable.

[Primo]

Sounds like some scenes from the Cable Guy. Definitely bizarre.

[cewzp4]

I would change my phone number. Sounds like a stalker to me.

[kai]

Red flag, beware.

[Heratriumphant]

Run. Be careful, start carrying mace, get a friend to come stay with you, but run. I am not joking.

Do Not try to let him down easy, do not talk to him on the phone any more just go and stay gone.

Goodluck and watch your back.

[Carmen]

Guys, don't EVER do that!
Ajjh! Makes me sick imagining this guy already. Sucks when cute guys that you think you can like act like this.
Run!

[Cbrider]

I think you need to tell him that he's moving too fast too soon and it's making you feel very uncomfortable.

Oh for god's sake, you are too polite sometimes Mish.

------------------------------------

"I have my fun bags packed!" - Lmao, who the **** says that.

Just get out, its not about being nice, its about doing what YOU want. Yeah, he's gonna be hurt, but there's some loon out there to paddle around the pond with him for the rest of time, you're not it.

If a girl ever got that crazy on me, I would have no problem telling her to go chase another guy.

You are absolutely right about yourself, you are too nice. You shouldn't have to ask what to do, just tell him the hell off. I bet he wears footie pajama's too.

[minnie_an]

Better not contact to this guy Seastarfl!, i feel dat he's scaring you, better run away, I dun wanna think wat he gonna do like a foolish thing to u when he so deep in love with u

[pisces7378]

seastarfl, This guy is obviously acting out of line. You know it. Anyone who reads your post knows it. And hopefully, on some level at least, he even knows it.

I know that it feels like you want to get to the bottom of this, kind of like when the dumb-ass teenager in a horror film walks TOWARDS the weird sound. But don't. Here is something that I came up with long ago that I still use to this day whenever I am in an inter-personal judgment call.

There are ONLY two types of people in the world. ONLY TWO. People who are healthy for you right now, and people who are unhealthy for you right now. I don't think I even need to discuss which category, and to what extent he fits into.

If you are curious as to WHY he is that way, then there are millions of websites devoted to it. Look up "No More Mr. Nice Guy," a book by Robert A. Glover. Men who seek out approval to the extent that this kid is, have some serious abandonment issues. These are the kind of kids that end up sending you suicide threats, and being talked down off of ledges because you didn't return his text message fast enough.

Take a deep breath. Send him a text message (and do not feel that it is too impersonal... just do it) that says, "I am not ready to be in the kind of relationship that you are pressuring me into", then delete him from your cell phone. And at all cost, do not respond to any further communication. It will be hard, because you are probably a nice person who wants to not cause unnecessary pain to anyone. But in this situation, you have no choice. It isn't you. It is him.

[seastarfl]

HOLY CRAP the craziest/scariest thing just happened. So After a few hours, 14 texts and 4 calls later, I call him and say i'm off work and ask if he wants to come over. My plan was to sit him down and talk (stupid, I should have listened to these posts and known that there is no talking to people like him) about how I want to slow things down because I'm not ready for a relationship yet.

Well we got to the part of me telling him to slow down, and he acted all understanding and apologetic and was just going along with it saying he agreed (yeah right) and asked if it was still ok if he stayed the night. I said yes but I think we should sleep on the sofas. he layed down on one and when I layed on the OTHER one he started getting all weird and upset that I wasn't laying on his. I explained that the sofas are nowhere near big enough for two people to sleep on them comfortably so I got him to shut up finally and I dozed off.

Well at about SIX in the morning I wake up to this creep STANDING OVER ME, like looming over and holding my face with his hands, with his face like two inches away from mine. I jump up and shreik, which makes him jump back. I yelled, "What the hell are you doing?! and he starts saying, "I'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry" over and over again and then says, "I was just trying to kiss you while you sleep." and that was it. My heart was racing with fear. I said, "Ok dude I think you need to leave, I'm sorry but thats just too much I think you should go home, get some sleep, then I'll hang out with you later today." and then he gets really sad and whiney and upset, and that kind of freaked me out so I started saying anything I could that would satisfy him. he finally was ok when I promised to not go to work just so I could go lay and watch movies with him at his house. Yeah f'ing right. When he left I locked the door, grabbed my phone and now I am totally freaked the hell out and will probably not be able to go to sleep. AHH! this sucks. It sucks more because I have a flat on my car and I cannot go anywhere right now or I would go stay with a friend. Well at least it went as well as it did considering the circumstances, and I plan to have my number changed as well as stay somewhere else for the next few days. You guys were totally right...I am running for the hills.

[Bumble_bee]

reading that creeped me out, he is not normal!

does he know where you live? where you work?

I do not mean to scare you but really the rate this guy is moving is alarming...

I had a simlar experience, and it wasn't as easy as ''look I think you're great but....''

He wouldn't let me get away, rocking up to my work place, coming by my home, and we never even dated!

this guy is clearly more than infatuated with you, ... if he does not know where you live or anything else about your life, then I would change my number and quit contact...people like him can get aggressive (the guy I experienced this with was soft spoken, seeemd like he couldn't hurt a fly, until he switched on me) ....and they do not tend to let go very easily.

[Bumble_bee]

sorry our posts crossed, as he knows where you live, it is definately a good idea to stay somewhere else for a while.....

[seastarfl]

oh my gosh bumble bee that is EXACTLY how this guy is. reading your post creeped me out because he is VERY soft spoken, almost like I could take advantage of HIM if I wanted, and very gentle. Now I am worried what he will be like when I switch off today.

[vashti]

tell him you decided to go back to your ex boyfriend. The cop.