Met a guy online that hides the fact he has a girlfriend.

**marthalove00** · 24-10-09, 10:26 AM

I am a 24 year old female, I met a guy online whom is 26. I live in the US and he lives in the UK. I have a long term boyfriend but I haven't worked it into the conversations at all. We have been talking for 6 months. We talk about things you'd talk to your friend about, never anything explicit. We exchange pics of EVERYTHING, just what we're up to.

I found him on facebook after talking to him for a little while. I don't have one but I made one to look him up. I found out he has a girlfriend that he LIVES with. I have asked him if he lives alone or has roommates, I've even asked him in different ways to give him a second chance to admit it or even to admit the girlfriend, but he lies about it.... its like he doesn't want me to know.

I have tried to work my boyfriend into conversations but as time goes by its gotten awkward when I try to say hey! It's like, why not mention it earlier?
I have enjoyed the conversations immensely and I like him a lot. But him hiding his girlfriend (I have asked him every question and I am 100% SURE he has a girlfriend!) is just terrible.

I see new pics on the facebook and it makes me think, you know what, these are REAL people... this girlfriend exists... and he even lives with her and is looking for a house with her. He says he's looking to buy alone (uh, family house!) and it is a lie.

I don't know what to do. I love talking to him but if only he were honest... what should I do?
First and foremost I want to mention I have a boyfriend to him. But after 6 months of chatting how do I do this? Please give me advice, or should I even bother and just stop talking to him entirely?
I just want to tell him that, and then I am not sure... I almost want to just stop talking to him entirely but he is such a nice guy, a great friend in a pen-pal sense...

But it makes me feel SO BAD he has a girlfriend and she doesn't even know, he hides her... I just don't know what to do or how to handle it all, I am so -attached- to our friendship, we click so well... I need some help here...

I even feel USED in a sense because its like, maybe he is not happy in his relationship and he wants to keep this going and keep her a secret so he can have his fun flirting with me on the side?

**MVPlaya** · 24-10-09, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by marthalove00

I am a 24 year old female, I met a guy online whom is 26. I live in the US and he lives in the UK. I have a long term boyfriend but I haven't worked it into the conversations at all. We have been talking for 6 months. We talk about things you'd talk to your friend about, never anything explicit. We exchange pics of EVERYTHING, just what we're up to.

I found him on facebook after talking to him for a little while. I don't have one but I made one to look him up. I found out he has a girlfriend that he LIVES with. I have asked him if he lives alone or has roommates, I've even asked him in different ways to give him a second chance to admit it or even to admit the girlfriend, but he lies about it.... its like he doesn't want me to know.

I have tried to work my boyfriend into conversations but as time goes by its gotten awkward when I try to say hey! It's like, why not mention it earlier?
I have enjoyed the conversations immensely and I like him a lot. But him hiding his girlfriend (I have asked him every question and I am 100% SURE he has a girlfriend!) is just terrible. [** hypocrite **]

I see new pics on the facebook and it makes me think, you know what, these are REAL people... this girlfriend exists... and he even lives with her and is looking for a house with her. He says he's looking to buy alone (uh, family house!) and it is a lie.

I don't know what to do. I love talking to him but if only he were honest... what should I do?
First and foremost I want to mention I have a boyfriend to him. But after 6 months of chatting how do I do this? Please give me advice, or should I even bother and just stop talking to him entirely?
I just want to tell him that, and then I am not sure... I almost want to just stop talking to him entirely but he is such a nice guy, a great friend in a pen-pal sense...

But it makes me feel SO BAD he has a girlfriend and she doesn't even know, he hides her... I just don't know what to do or how to handle it all, I am so -attached- to our friendship, we click so well... I need some help here...

I even feel USED in a sense because its like, maybe he is not happy in his relationship and he wants to keep this going and keep her a secret so he can have his fun flirting with me on the side?

Wow, the number of problematic things written in your post. I'm going to guess your boyfriend knows nothing about your 'penpal' either.

People make real mistakes in relationships, you sound like you're headed in that direction, but luckily this electronic barrier is an impediment to anything more happening. If I were you, I'd stop talking to this guy.

**marthalove00** · 24-10-09, 11:03 AM

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

I am attached to this person. I feel absolutely FOOLISH.

I don't know how to stop... I haven't written back to him all evening and won't tonight. But then he keeps writing and is just so friendly...

**marthalove00** · 24-10-09, 11:26 AM

If I talk to him a few times a day in email, what should I cut it down to? Every other day, then a couple days a week? Won't it seem weird I was available all that time all day and then not responding to him often?

We exchange pictures of things -often-. How should I stop doing that? Perhaps that could be what I stop suddenly and permanently right off the bat?

I kind of want to disappear from him subtly.

**MVPlaya** · 24-10-09, 11:46 AM

Tell him straight up, you know he has a girlfriend, you have a boyfriend, this relationship is problematic and you need to cut it off since its interfering with your relationship.

Your 'subtlety' so far is just a series of excuses to not do the right thing: from finding it too awkward to admit you have a boyfriend to not wanting to leave too quickly so you find ways to prolong your 'penpal' relationship. Even saying "won't it seem weird" indicates how important his perception of you is to you.

Be honest, be direct, be done.

**selke** · 24-10-09, 01:52 PM

I'm sorry, but what do you care if he has a girlfriend or not? You talk about stuff you talk to your friend with, you don't see him in person, you have a boyfriend. I just don't understand why you care about him lying about a girlfriend.

Maybe I'm missing something..

**Bumble_bee** · 24-10-09, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by marthalove00

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

I am attached to this person. I feel absolutely FOOLISH.

I don't know how to stop... I haven't written back to him all evening and won't tonight. But then he keeps writing and is just so friendly...

you fool.........

**Primo** · 24-10-09, 09:36 PM

So in a nutshell you BOTH deceived each other. You secretly used Facebook to find out the truth, he didn't. Congrats for being more obsessive, but it's time to be brutally honest with each other and see what happens.

Maybe you both want to be together and leave your boring bf and gf behind, maybe you'll realize you both were sneaking around and end it, be faithful to your s/o's.

Time to sh*t or get off the pot hun.

**marthalove00** · 24-10-09, 11:11 PM

lol wow that's a bit ehhh: "congrats for being more obsessive" and "get off the pot hun".
Why are you taking my story so personally? I came for advice, that isn't advice. I don't know -what- that is.
I will probably not update the situation here, I told him I have a boyfriend just a bit ago today.
But sounds like a few of these comments here and in the forum you guys tend to write things so you sound snarky for everyone else who is reading.

**Bumble_bee** · 24-10-09, 11:18 PM

well go and tell the real people in your life, I'm sure you will recieve better and more understanding advice to your dilema.

you barely mention your unsuspecting BF in all of the above...why don't you address why your upset he has a GF and why instead you do not seem in the slightest bit bothered by what your doing to your BF......

**Primo** · 24-10-09, 11:32 PM

Originally Posted by marthalove00

lol wow that's a bit ehhh: "congrats for being more obsessive" and "get off the pot hun".

martha, for some reason you're trying to take the high road on this. The fact is you were just as deceitful as him but snooped and learned the truth.

How do you want me to sugar coat it for you?

As of last night, neither one of you had been honest, yet you were blaming him. So ya, it's time to tell the truth to each other and continue on or end it. Sh*t or get off the pot :-) Sorry if that's not what you want to hear or a nice way to put it, but it's the best advice I can give you.

**qwertz** · 25-10-09, 12:17 AM

i agree with everything primo said.

wow you have to be the most hypocritical person ive come across in a while.
Either tell him you have a boyfriend, and while your at it, you can tell him how you faked the facebook account to snoop on him.
Or dont tell him, dont bother about him having a girlfriend as you have no right to be pissed about that.
If you dont fancy doing either of those why not tell your boyfriend all about it, afterall, your moaning about lack of honesty.

**Gigabitch** · 27-10-09, 04:11 AM

He's a liar. You're a liar. You live on opposite sides of a large ocean and will never meet.

So ****ing what?

**RonHH** · 27-10-09, 08:02 AM

Online friends can be fun to have, and like the song says " I'm so much cooler online "
If you are just friends who cares if he lives with someone or if you do. But if you have
plans to turn this into something more, then everyone need to know everything.
Again if your just good friends you shouldn't care if he has a girlfriend or you have a boyfriend, we all have friends !!

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