Uh oh, think she's avoiding me suddenly, help!

[O'Dandelo]

I'm not exactly a stranger to dating. However, here I am looking to pick the brains of all you helpful and insightful readers.

Last Thursday I had a second date with a woman I find myself liking more and more. The first date was one week prior. The backstory, as quickly as possible: This woman, "Mary," I'll call her, and I have been casual friends for 15 months, hanging out in groups on occasion, whether at a bar or watching a movie at her house. I was briefly involved with a somewhat close friend of this girl's back in March, but this seems to not be an issue, as far as I can tell (her best friend suggested several times in the past couple of months that I ask "Mary" out, in fact). I date a good bit but never ever serially. This girl is the first in a while that I can actually click well enough with to at least see the possibility of something real, and I'm totally cool with giving it time to develop in that way. I could have patience with her and with myself.

The first date went extremely well with over 5 hours of conversation and lots of laughter. I'm not big on the cliche end-of-first-date kiss, and neither of us gave the other the impression that it was wanted at that moment when I walked her to the door. I'd say we're both pretty shy and reserved, but not painfully so. We each told the other over the next couple of days that we had a great time and should do it again. So I asked her out again and we've been texting here and there. A goodnight text from her several nights ago (after I watched a movie with her and a couple of mutual friends at her house) and an "I'm looking forward to tonight" text a few hours before the date. We had a great dinner then played bocce ball and sipped on good beers for a few hours. (We were supposed to go to a comedy improv show, but we lost track of time and completely missed it!) After bocce and beer, I suggested we buy a bottle of wine and enjoy the warm night at the playground park near her house before we called it a night. She said one of her friends was down and had made her feel guilty about being busy instead of hanging out with her. I took her lead and acquiesced, saying we'd go back to her house where she'd left her phone. We eventually met up with the friend at a bar very near my own house, and "Mary" insisted she drive separately so I wouldn't have to drive the 10 miles back to her house when I'd already been driving all evening. So we became a trio hanging out in a bar, and it continued to go well despite that. She even mentioned hanging out again soon. But my desire to take the date into a more intimate realm was obviously nixed. Outside in the parking lot at closing time, she gave me a long and very nice hug and said thank you and she had a really great time. Her friend was standing 10 feet away, so clearly it was not a first-kiss moment.

So the next night she and I ended up hanging out in a group of mutual friends after she invited me to join them. We ended up being the last two at the bar after everyone went home. We sat and talked for a couple of hours then I walked her out to her car. We shared a long minute-long hug then she asked for "more hug!" Then I kissed her for the first time, briefly but nicely. She seemed excited visibly and texted me on her way home thanking me for "a great night!"

This past Sunday evening she and I and, again, mutual friends went to a haunted house attraction. While we were all walking through the pitch dark in a single-file line after being instructed to keep a hand on the person in front of us (I took the place behind her, of course), she pulled my arm around her and held my hand for a moment. A bit later she did it again and we walked very close together.

I texted her "how are you?" yesterday and she finally responded after a couple of hours "At work, boring day, phone was dead all day." She goes to school during the day and works at night and so this past evening I decided to ask her out via text since a call wasn't going to get the job done.

It's been 10 hours since the text asking her out for the third date and there has been no reply. She's a pretty avid texter, I should point out.

Sorry to be so long-winded, and I appreciate you reading through all of this. What are your thoughts? I know calling on the phone tomorrow is the best option, but in the meantime, I am so confused. Do you think things are still going well? Thanks so much.

[qwertz]

It does sound to me like she is really into you. She is maybe busy at work or school? Or her phone dead?

I really wouldnt be overly concerned until you have at least tried to phone her tomorrow.

Apart from the not rplying she is definately giving off signals that she wants you.

[Caster888]

Yeah, you definitely shouldn't worry about it either at the moment, I bet it's just some coincidence.
I tend to get doubtful of things quickly, too, but I don't think it's appropriate at this point.

[Gigabitch]

Take your cues from how she is in person. You can't tell what's going on from texting.

[O'Dandelo]

Thanks to the three posters so far. It's now been close to a full day, so I plan on calling her (not texting) a little later today. Of course, if there's no answer or callback I'll be right back here asking you lot what you think. Anyone can read pessimistically into many things, but this full day of no reply is the only thing she's done that I feel is a true red flag.

[Gigabitch]

I do that when I forget to charge my phone. Don't freak out.

[Severed_Heart]

I would wait a couple days before actually calling her or even texting again. There's plenty of time to show her you have feelings for her, she has your text and knows you want another date, if she feels the same way she will either respond now or when you call. You just don't want to come off as being clingy.

When you do call her don't question her about why she didn't respond, that will just make you sound like a stalker. Instead just express enthusiasm about wanting to see her again, and play it cool.

[O'Dandelo]

Well, Severed Heart, I chose not to take your advice and take my friends' instead and called her half an hour ago. And her voicemail box on her cell phone was full so I couldn't leave a nice casual message! One friend suggested that maybe something is wrong with her phone, but I think that's wishful thinking.

[girl68]

Wait it out anothe day or 2.

[Gigabitch]

Maybe she's being stalked by some guy and he's filling up her voicemail box.

[O'Dandelo]

Possible, I suppose. I know she has very few voicemails from me. We've always had a text-based interaction, going back to when we were just friendly acquaintances months ago. Gigabitch, you seem so optimistic concerning my situation. My fingers are crossed that you're right about pretty much all your posts here.

p.s. One hour now and no call back. But she could be in class, so I'm trying not to clock-watch. I know she works at 7:00 and can text pretty freely there.

[Gigabitch]

Well, I do think the window of opportunity id narrowing. Get another date fast and make out with her, or you're going to end up in the dreaded friend zone.

[qwertz]

the fact that her voicemail is full indicates its not just you trying to get hold of her...shes prob really busy or got other stuff going on so not taking calls off anyone for the day.

Try again tomorrow, if it goes to voicemail and its still full..indicates something is either wrong with her phone, or her :S
If she doesn pick up and it goes to voicemail and its got space for a message you know she has had her phone to check, so leave a casual m,essage and hope she gets back to you. if she doesnt..then you worry.

[O'Dandelo]

Good points and attitudes. I also have the dreaded "middleman" option. I'm friendly enough with her best friend to ask her about the situation, but for obvious reasons that's risky. Her best friend is the one that kept telling me to ask her out in the first place.

[O'Dandelo]

"Hmmmmm" moment here. (And yes, I'm sitting at home all day obsessing over this, how else would I spend this day off?) Recap: I texted her last night "May I take you out again sometime this week?" and then called her 3 hours ago. The text I just now received from her is the first I've heard from her in almost 24 hours. She just texted me this: "Sorry i missed you! I was in a test and i just got done with it! It was horrible!" Sure, this is likely good news, but where do I go from here? Now I have to ask her out as though I didn't yesterday?