How much advice to give? and info to share?

[survivor08]

I've been talking to a nice woman whom i've been introduced by her sister, who is one of my good friend's GF. The sister suggested it. In previous discussions I had let her know what a cutie her younger sister is, but at the time she was off limits. However recently I have spent a bit of time around her with friends and we hit if off pretty well.

without going into too much detail, she is kinda physically separated from her husband of 7 years, who lately has been talking to her and wants to work things out. He is not living with her right now. It has only been 3 months since their separation so things are pretty recent.

FWIW, I am just a friend, we have long talks on the phone or via IM, and she has recently come to me for advice about some things about her situation. We do have good chemistry, I am not going to lie, and therefore there is the potential for conflict of interest in giving her advice, lol, but in a nut shell I recommended to her pretty much what most of you here would advice her to based on her situation:

To really think about why she separated...
To trust her feelings (she says now she feels unsure what she should do) and give herself some time to clear the air
To work on herself and pick new hobbies and things to do
To stop seeing the ex, and constantly receiving his calls while the separation is happening so she can make a wise decision for the better whether she takes him back or not.

I asked her the reasons why for the separation and they don't seem to be about infidelity on both parts, and she still cares for him.

Here is what I know though, The sister's boyfriend whom it is a very good friend to me and knows the ex husband confided to me that the ex had been seeing a girl recently and was not sure if they would be getting back together. (I asked him a few questions about this to weight in the purpose for this meet up and my role within it (shoulder to cry on (not so pleasant for me) or a fresh new distraction for the girl (now this is more fun))

My new lady friend does not know about her ex seeing another woman and she says she has asked him and confronted him if there was another woman, which he said no. I planted a seed of doubt in her mind, as she shared patterns of behavior about her ex and such and why he had behaved a certain way, and now was being nicer to her.

Summary: did I do the right thing as a friend by just asking her questions which give her more to think about? Or should I have kept mum about the whole ex husband has been seeing a girl and playing controlling games with her at the same time (calling her multiple times, making sure he drives her home, while the separation is happening)

I also let her know my disclosure that I am not the best person to seek advice about this, and that I don't want to become "that friend," and that out of respect, I would stay in the sidelines while she goes thru the process but for her to give me a call is she really becomes available and can be open to date. She is really a nice woman who got married way too young. She married her high school sweet heart.

I am done giving advice to her.

[Primo]

Being stuck in the middle as a friend/sounding board when you really would like to get together with them is a recipe for disaster.

I would've been upfront from the beginning and said hey, I think you're really cute and seem like a great girl. I know you're trying to work things out with your husband and wish you the best of luck, but if things don't work out give me a call. Then I would've left it be and let her lean on her real friends for support.

I think you're in a bad spot to be honest. You can always come clean though, tell her you like her and if things change and she's single you'd love to get to know her better but you can't be just an impartial friend anymore.

[survivor08]

The last communication I told her was pretty much this:
think you're really cute and seem like a great girl. I know you're trying to work things out with your husband and wish you the best of luck, but if things don't work out give me a call.

And while I hung up with her she sent me a text with kisses and hugs and thanking me...and that will be it. I am not in the middle, All I gave her was things to think about.

thanks.

Being stuck in the middle as a friend/sounding board when you really would like to get together with them is a recipe for disaster.

I would've been upfront from the beginning and said hey, I think you're really cute and seem like a great girl. I know you're trying to work things out with your husband and wish you the best of luck, but if things don't work out give me a call. Then I would've left it be and let her lean on her real friends for support.

I think you're in a bad spot to be honest. You can always come clean though, tell her you like her and if things change and she's single you'd love to get to know her better but you can't be just an impartial friend anymore.

[Primo]

Sounds like you handled it well then. Just slip into the shadows until she sorts out her life and if she decides to be single, I hope she looks you up :-)