What makes women....

[vashti]

Sorry Primo, you are adorable, but I agree with indi. You should stay away from kids - they grow attached too easily, and lack the ability to understand when things don't work out (as they usually don't).

[Primo]

Older kids are different, Primo. Young ones don't know how to metre their attachment. You are being irresponsible to get too close to a young child if you aren't intending to stay in their lives. Its the mother's responsibility ultimately, but that doesn't absolve you of social responsibility, IMO.

How many of those kids of single moms you are no longer dating do you still contact and call you Uncle?

I agree with everything you say Indi, but if you're addressing me, then you're way off base. Just letting BB know that it's not all bad news for single moms and giving her some advice from experience. You wouldn't know about that other side of the shiny coin though, you're married.

[Primo]

Sorry Primo, you are adorable, but I agree with indi. You should stay away from kids - they grow attached too easily, and lack the ability to understand when things don't work out (as they usually don't).

Thanks Vashti, you're very sweet

I do agree with Indi, but I'm sorry but I can't advise men to stay away from single moms, there's alot of great ones out there. It's up to them to have the instinct if a man, if a relationship is the right fit for her situation and proceed or not. Life is about living, not about watching from the sidelines.

There's some bad examples out there, I see them first hand through my job, but being a single mom shouldn't be a 'Cat Lady' sentence either

[Chriso]

Not all guys have fear of rejection. My is more like if I go to a girl then if she does not like me then she can talk shit or bad things about me and suddenly no one likes me. The reputation is very important.

[Bumble_bee]

^^what are you in high school?....only a silly school girl would do that...not worth your time....keep going, we're not all like that

[MVPlaya]

Actually, BB, there are many women over 21 who do just that, I've seen it and experienced it. The solution is simple though, avoid drama queens & ignore what they say. It occurs very rarely now, but every month or so I'll encounter a girl who will try to be as mean as possible. I'll usually smile, say enjoy your night and walk over to someone else

[the algerian]

you should consider the option of approaching men rather than them waiting to approach you. case in point: my wife approached me and asked me out on a date in junior high. several years later, only a few weeks after graduation, she asked me to marry her. it was her strong, non-conformist behavior that attracted me to her in the first place. believe it or not, men are attracted to strength (not to be confused with outright bitchiness, of course).

the advantages are numerous. initiators tend to have increased control in a relationship. the intimidation factor is less for you and heightened for them--> which of course leads to the added responsibility of making them feel more secure.

THEIR confidence is also boostened. even if the relationship goes sour, wouldn't you feel some level of gratification that you gave some fellow human being the feeling that they're not unapproachable losers?

finally, you'll always be that *one* who asked him out, which will bolster you on top of any other potential candidates. sticking out is always a good thing when a potential soul mate is pondering choices for the future.

ciao,

m

[vashti]

you should consider the option of approaching men rather than them waiting to approach you. case in point: my wife approached me and asked me out on a date in junior high. several years later, only a few weeks after graduation, she asked me to marry her. it was her strong, non-conformist behavior that attracted me to her in the first place. believe it or not, men are attracted to strength (not to be confused with outright bitchiness, of course).

the advantages are numerous. initiators tend to have increased control in a relationship. the intimidation factor is less for you and heightened for them--> which of course leads to the added responsibility of making them feel more secure.

THEIR confidence is also boostened. even if the relationship goes sour, wouldn't you feel some level of gratification that you gave some fellow human being the feeling that they're not unapproachable losers?

finally, you'll always be that *one* who asked him out, which will bolster you on top of any other potential candidates. sticking out is always a good thing when a potential soul mate is pondering choices for the future.

ciao,

m

But what if you want THEM to be the boy?

[the algerian]

this isn't Melrose Place. the "laws" of dating are more or less cheap advice recycled by hollywood, not exactly the bastion of successful relationship advice.

historically, many strong influential men have been approached by women. Muhammed, the founder of Islam, married his first wife Khadijah who proposed to him. roxanne ("rukhshana") of present day afghanistan approached Alexander (the Great) with some figs and olives.

If leaders of religions and empires can be manly enough to take a proposal from a woman, so can college frat boys.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree with everything you say Indi, but if you're addressing me, then you're way off base. Just letting BB know that it's not all bad news for single moms and giving her some advice from experience. You wouldn't know about that other side of the shiny coin though, you're married.

Didn't you say you've dated single mom's in the past?

If I misunderstood, then my mistake. But if yes, then what happened re: the kids when you broke it off. Or were they grown up kids? Again, very different from dating a mom with a 6 year old looking for a father figure.

[Charlie Boy II]

I went on a few dates with a young single mum, a couple of weeks ago. Never met the kid though, no way did I want to meet him. He was only about two I think. He was over at his dad's place most weekends.

Some parts of it I kind of like. Sometimes I think the mother-child relationship is the only really selfless kind of relationship. Watching someone actually put another being before thier own interests, it's so rare.

[Primo]

Didn't you say you've dated single mom's in the past?

If I misunderstood, then my mistake. But if yes, then what happened re: the kids when you broke it off. Or were they grown up kids? Again, very different from dating a mom with a 6 year old looking for a father figure.

Yes, I did...2 were just casual dating, it didn't develop into an LTR so meeting or getting involved with the child wasn't an issue. I just wanted BB to know the fact that they had little one's at home didn't deter me from wanting to get to know them.

The other one was an LTR, I just didn't think you really read the post since you assumed they referred to me as 'Uncle'

The father was very involved, as BB said hers would be, which is why I brought it up also. It was a very good experience for all involved, they were 7 & 8 when we got together. They're young adults now and I actually trained the oldest one in preparation for his tryout in the NHL when he graduated prep school.

Now back to everyone else, the archives of my life are getting boring

[Bumble_bee]

hmmm, I tend to think that there is only a danger of the young ones getting attached if there is NO father figure present already....In my situation, my son's father is very involved so I don't think he would form the same kind of attachment to another guy.

But follwing on Indi's point, this is exactly why I would never introduce my son to just any guy that I happened to be dating at the time...