Ladies

[Primo]

What's your opinions and thoughts on the old saying, men are only as faithful as their options? Are we?

[misombra]

i don't know. i think a lot of men are but there's some exceptions.

[Primo]

There's always exceptions in everything true. There's a good mixture of women from all different age groups and experiences here, so I'm just wondering what their intuition is on it deep down.

A girlfriend of someone I use to date always gave a new beau the phone number test. After she went out with someone a few times and they were starting to get close, she'd agree to meet them for a date at a club, call and tell them she'd be an hour or so late and send in one of her gorgeous friends to hit on the guy and try to get his phone number.

If her friend got the number she'd never talk to the guy again. It worked....alot :-P

[misombra]

i think all guys have options. even the ugliest piece of crap can find somebody to cheat with.

[Primo]

In a good relationship, to be honest I don't think guys are tempted by someone that's lesser physically. Ya, if someone wants to cheat they can. My question is posed more from what's otherwise a healthy relationship, but out of the blue a guy is given or stumbles across the opportunity to have an nsa encounter with someone who is just as hot 'n sexy or hottier 'n sexier than their current g/f (hotness being relative of course).

Some studies have shown that up to 70% of men will or have cheated on their wives.

[Aeradalia]

What's your opinions and thoughts on the old saying, men are only as faithful as their options? Are we?

Men are individuals and it comes down to the idea that either they wish to be faithful or they don't.

If they want to be faithful, then they will be geared towards trying to make a relationship work and 'options' be damned.

If they don't want to be faithful, they will be looking for any excuse to cheat.

It's as simple as that. A woman can't force a guy to cheat (though she could force him to leave), and a man isn't so simplistic to where he'd leave a perfectly good relationship because better 'options' are available -- men are capable of forming strong emotional bonds and have free will.

So the saying holds very little truth, as the chances of a man jumping on better opportunities is highly dependent on his level of fidelity and disposition towards the person he is with. In essence, each man is unique and such a blanket statement really doesn't apply.

[wipe_out]

I don't think that ANYONE (male or female) can say with absolute certainty that there is NO way they will EVER cheat.. I think that if the circumstances and opportunities all fell into place, the planets aligned correctly, the wind blew in the right direction and it all worked together then anyone CAN have their head turned..

What I also believe is the PROBABILITY of anyone cheating is down to the individual.. Some will cheat at the drop of a hat and others wouldn't..

So the saying "men are only as faithful as their options" is probably true, it really just depends on what options are required for each individual man (or woman)..

[Primo]

Men are individuals and it comes down to the idea that either they wish to be faithful or they don't.

If they want to be faithful, then they will be geared towards trying to make a relationship work and 'options' be damned.

It's not that easy Aeradalia, I think most people have every intention of trying to be faithful and foster a good relationship but things constantly evolve in a LTR.

Like wipeout said, sometimes circumstances, events and opportunities line up and things happen. Fact is most people actually do 'settle' for the most part when they settle down. (I know no one on this board though :-D)

Along comes a woman just like your wife or g/f at work, but a little more attentive and alot more flirty. You end up working together on something, lots of long days, working into the night, flirting becomes teasing, teasing becomes tempation followed by lots of passionate fuc*s on the office desk...it happens, alot more than people think.

I say this having grown up and worked in a male dominated environment. I've heard the locker room talk, the guy talk after 4-5 beers. I've known lots of guys who've been serial cheaters on their wife for 10+ years and I KNOW the women have absolutely no idea.

[Aeradalia]

I've grown up and worked in male dominated environments and have been around men who have ended relationships before they had a chance to cheat. It really depends on the man himself. Anyone can face the exact same circumstances and the results can vary greatly.

For the most part, I can understand the desire to say 'anything could happen' as that does cover one from any liabilities... but the reality of the situation is that some men withstand temptation whereas others fail at different levels of temptation. Much the same with women -- either you have it in you to be faithful or you don't. If you're not the faithful kind, then it's just a matter of finding the level at which your resolve fails.

I, for one, do not have it in me to be unfaithful. Stereotypes about bisexuality aside, there isn't any level of temptation that would induce me to cheat. I'm more apt to end a relationship than destroy it through infidelity. There are men out there who are the same way.

[Primo]

Some men can withstand temptation, but if up to 50-70% do or will cheat, out of that 30-50% left over, how many of those just don't get that tempting offer, maybe 20-40%? That would leave 80-90% that give in to temptation, do you think that would make it a viable cliche 'a man is only as faithful as his options' ?

I know alot of men would fail at the phone number test. I think that sometimes people's judgement gets clouded in what 'they' feel is a good relationship. Quite alot of times it's only them that feels this way, that they're with Mr or Ms perfect, while their partner is still searching for their soulmate. But when they talk to their friends everything's 'perfect'

Btw, I give you alot of credit because most people tend to break up or walk away when they're comfortably secure in something else, not prior.

[misombra]

i would say that most people have had tempting offers.

[IndiReloaded]

Primo, people do the things they want to do and then find ways to justify it after the fact. You know this.

If a man or woman decides that a NSA encounter is desirable, they will find a way to justify it relative to whatever commitments they have made. We read about this here all the time: "My wife/husband/partner is a terrible person... its *their* fault I cheated!"

There are a whole lot of puritans out there who say 'never me...I would never cheat'. I know, I'm one of those people. But, until they've actually had their feet held to the fire and understand exactly how tempting and dangerous those situations are, I don't put much stock in their platitudes. As you say, the numbers out there say chances are they will cheat.

As for that number test--not a bad idea at all. Show me someone who had an almost overwhelming opportunity to cheat and chose to walk (or run!) away--thats is someone who understands commitment.

[Primo]

Primo, people do the things they want to do and then find ways to justify it after the fact. You know this.

If a man or woman decides that a NSA encounter is desirable, they will find a way to justify it relative to whatever commitments they have made. We read about this here all the time: "My wife/husband/partner is a terrible person... its *their* fault I cheated!"

Very true Indi, there's always going to be that need to justify it, whether it's after it comes out in the open and the accusations start flying 'it's your fault etc...' or it's still a dark secret and you're lying awake in bed at night,the images running through your mind and saying to yourself 'well, if he/she was more attentive, sexual etc al'

I do think people that are relatively happy, but perhaps there was a void in the relationship they weren't consciously aware of, maybe intimacy or spontaneity, passion...all the sudden they find themselves in a situation with someone they have chemistry with, that person fills that void and it happens. What you want to do, what you know you should do goes out the window and that moment of heated passion takes over.

There are a whole lot of puritans out there who say 'never me...I would never cheat'. I know, I'm one of those people. But, until they've actually had their feet held to the fire and understand exactly how tempting and dangerous those situations are, I don't put much stock in their platitudes. As you say, the numbers out there say chances are they will cheat.

As for that number test--not a bad idea at all. Show me someone who had an almost overwhelming opportunity to cheat and chose to walk (or run!) away--thats is someone who understands commitment.

Ya, the number test is so scary that most people would never try it for fear of knowing :-P I think the ultimate truth is that there's not too many true soulmates together out there, alot of 1 way ones.

[CocoChanel]

Does anyone here believe that giving into temptation is a sign of weakness?

[Aeradalia]

Does anyone here believe that giving into temptation is a sign of weakness?

Yep... it's a sign of weakness.

My ex-husband was a big enough asshole to actual try fidelity tests on me... and despite his treatment of me at times... I still remained faithful.

In the past, if I had conflicting feelings while in relationships, I had always ended the relationship because of them. If I'm questioning my feelings, then it only means I settled for someone I really didn't want, and am better off letting them go.

It's in my nature. I am perfectly happy focusing all my attention on one person... trying my damnedest to make them happy.