ethical question

[mattyb715]

background.

me and this one girl have been attracted to each other since we met as kids. its been at least 10 years now. she ended up dating my best friend and all was fine. well like year and a half into their relationship things sparked up again b/t me and her. i never made a move because she was dating my best friend but shortly after they ended up breaking up. he blamed me which in a way was my fault but the relationship was shot if she was interested in other ppl anyway. she actually started things not me.

fast foward 3 years later. they've been broken up since but we all worked our differences out and are friends again. he's still one of my best friends, we hang out all the time.

that spark is still there after all this time b/t me and her and i want to explore it. is it wrong for me to see where things go. is that betraying my friend? its been 3 years? when is it ok, if it ever is ok?

this is a stupid problem to have . . . but it is a problem

[IndiReloaded]

Is your friend happily seeing someone else? If yes, its probably fine, tho some people say friend's exes are taboo forever. Better check with him. Bring it up in a casual way.

Just be wary. If he tells you "Sure, no problem bro. But good luck with her.", you should take his warning seriously.

[mattyb715]

haha if i could bring it up with him i would. but unfortunetly he is still fixated on her. is he trying to get back with her? no . . . but she does still mean something to him. is it my problem that he has a problem and wont get over her? its so frustrating because me and her have always clicked. i think it would be great if we took it further but i don't want to loose my best friend over a girl. there's plenty in the sea, but just the thought of finally one kiss with her . . . it really intrigues me.

if i were to act on my wants it would be him or her. do i want that hell no. it comes down to is the juice worth the squeeze.

[vashti]

It sounds like you are likely going to have to choose.

[Aeradalia]

He doesn't want her, but he doesn't want anyone else to have her?

That seems a little selfish and controlling, don't you think? I mean it's been three years... he's had more than enough time to get over her. Probably do him some good for her to be with someone else -- help him to move on.

[IndiReloaded]

it comes down to is the juice worth the squeeze.

Probably not just for a try out. If you posted you have always had a thing for this gal and was quite serious about her, then perhaps a different situation.

Not worth your friendship, I think. Girls come and go. But really good friends are rare gifts and should be treated better than gold.

[mattyb715]

Not worth your friendship, I think. Girls come and go. But really good friends are rare gifts and should be treated better than gold.

exactly why i havent acted on it. it isn't worth the squeeze but it just pisses me off that he is that selfish. ehhh thats life.

[MVPlaya]

Depends on the relationship. Does he have a lot of emotional baggage left over the relationship? I don't ever date my friends exes, unless it was not a very serious relationship and he doesn't care. Grinding up on a friends ex could be seen as pretty disrespectful, and if there is still baggage between the two, then either she will use you as a tool to send a message to her ex, or, even if she isn't, he will interpret it that way and it will cause friction.

From the sound of it, I would tread lightly. If you really think something important could happen between you two and you're willing piss off your friend in the process, its your decision. Considering he blamed you for their relationship failing there really isn't a way that this won't bother him. The question is how much. Thats a question you have to find out for yourself, and then decide whether its worth it.