Unique Situation (Long)

[thewaydown]

I'm not sure what I attempt to gain from posting here. Probably the fact that I feel like I can confide in no one over the situation as I am so completely ashamed, regretful, and depressed over what has happened this past month and I just feel that I need some sort of outlet, maybe I can even get some kind of good responses. Starting out the beginning of the semester a couple months ago I met an amazing girl. It took me a couple weeks of class just to work up the nerves to talk to her, even though she sits right next to me. First time we talked we got talking in class was amazing. Talking about music mostly, and about how we liked a lot of the same groups. Music is basically my life, and i've come to gain a lot of close friends through appreciation of the same music or through playing music together, so meeting an incredibly beautiful girl who was into the same kind of music for me is a big deal.

After a couple weeks we walked out of class together and I ended up getting her number. I tried to hang out with her that weekend but she was busy. After talking together more during class we begin texting outside of class more and more. One night she starts texting me and she offers to come over and hang out. She comes over and we hang out and talk till really late, almost 3am. I felt like before hand we already had a lot in common and I really liked her but after spending time with her outside class I really began to realize how amazing she was and how much it seemed like we really clicked together. She genuinely seemed interested in the kind of things i'm into, creating art and music and my other interests which really made me happy because that is really what is important to me and brings me joy in life. She goes out of town the next weekend, but up until the next time I see her in class the next week we were texting back and forth constantly, I think she sent almost 70 to me in one day. Although I didn't get to see her just being able to text with her was very nice to me.

The next time we see each other outside class she comes over to my house because she said her internet was working at her house so she had to finish a movie (streaming online) and wanted to me to watch it with her, the movie was Casablanca. So I have an amazingly gorgeous girl who I really like who is in my bed with me watching Casablanca on my laptop and I feel like something should happen right now, try to kiss her maybe? but nothing happened. I could tell she really wanted me to. but it didn't happen. she leaves and we hug. I felt like such a ****up. Still do. Couldn't sleep that night at all. Beat myself up all night over it. See her the next day in class and things seem kind of akward. I felt so dissapointed in myself. I felt like maybe I had hurt her by not making a move or maybe dissapointed her. After this I am feeling really shitty and giving myself a lot of shit over the whole thing and moping around thinking about her the whole time and my missed shot. The next week we end up studying together at the library for a few hours. This is really nice as we get to talk a lot more and i feel like we are connecting more with each other and I realize more and more how much I like her. The next night we plan on hanging out later after class but she ends up cancelling because she had to get up really early to go out of town. End up getting a text from her at 1am asking me to come over. I do in a somewhat drunken state (regrettable) we end up hanging out for a couple hours on her front deck with her roommate. The time comes for me to leave and we face each other and grab each other hands for a second, and I walk away. I get out to my car and sit there and just wonder what the **** is wrong with me. I clearly had a another perfect opportunity to make a move yet I ****ing failed again. The next day any sense of regret or sadness that I had felt after failing to make a move on my first chance has skyrocketed to an incredible degree. I felt like such a ****ing piece of shit. and I still regret it now.

i'm trying to maintain some sense of optimism over the whole situation because I like this girl so much and I want to keep seeing her and maybe man up and try to kiss her. This happened a few weeks ago now and i've yet to see her outside of school since. I feel like I have blown my shot with her now, but I still hope that I can make something happen. This is the part where I think I messed things up even more, but I really don't even know, as I truly don't know shit about girls. the day that she got back I left roses for her to find on her deck when she got back and left a little note or some stupid shit. I guess at the time it seemed like a good idea, but doing even this made me almost shit my pants. Looking back on doing it it seems like it was really corny and lame, but again who knows, I am going to just go with corny and lame though. She texts me the next day and thanks me. Who knows though if she actually thought it was a nice thing for me to do and actually appreciated it, or just thought it was a really dorky move. We text significantly less after the past time we hung out, this saddens me. We see each other in class the next 2 weeks, but never outside of it. I still think about her all the time and just want to be with her. Another week passes and I still think about her all the time, and want nothing more than another shot to make a move, or tell her how I feel. That weekend I pour my soul into a letter I wrote to her, I tell her how amazing she is and how I regret not letting her know up until now how I feel about her. Despite the horrid and rushed style of this topic, I feel i'm a good writer. She is an english major so I thought that maybe she would appreciate this and maybe have some kind of response to give back to me. I figured at this point I couldn't get her to see outside of class so this was my best opportunity to tell her how I felt. At the very least I thought maybe she might be flattered. Looking back on it I feel like it was a really bitch move and I should have just tried to get her alone and tell her this, but I didn't, oh well. She texts me randomly as I finishing the e-mail and we go back and forth for a little bit and I sent the letter. I tell her I just sent her an e-mail. This was the last I heard from her that night. No response to the e-mail and no texts back. I felt really ****ing bad after that.

The next time we see each other in class is really akward. Our conversation before class is brief and nothing of any importance is said. She leaves early and we don't walk out to the parking lot like we normally do. At this point i'm feeling incredibly shitty, any sense of self-esteem I have is completely lost, and I just want to leave school although my day had just begun. So basically I feel like a ****ing moron for not making a move or taking this further. I like this girl so much and it hurts to have to see her in class and know we aren't together. Although you may feel like you are reading the post of a 14 year old boy, and I wouldn't blame you, I am actually a 21 year old male. Although I may not have to say it, but I am virgin, but it goes deeper than that. I've never even kissed a girl. I am a good-looking guy, I can say that with a clear conscience. I work out, I go to a good university, play music and an art major. Girls like me. I have good social skills. I've just always been incredibly apathetic towards pursuing women. But its more than that. I meet beautiful girls all the time. Its just so rarely that I actually meet one that I like enough to pursue, so the fact that I may have missed an opportunity with this girl ****ing kills me. So that sense of regret, despair, and sadness may seem overdramatic and uncalled for, and it may be, but if you met a beautiful woman who shared many interests with you, was very witty and intelligent, seemed to appreciate you and enjoy your company and liked you, and you seemingly ****ed it up. You would be sad and mopey too. I feel like now I'm over being sad and regretful over it. I just want to grab my balls and make a move, if its not already too late. Any kind of feedback is welcome, be it accusing me of being gay, accusing me of not having a penis, comments, or questions is okay.

[damn2008]

Honestly, this is what happens with most guys:

The more you like her, the more you'll F' it up.

Its happened to me when I was younger and has up to today and the girls I kind of ignore and don't give a s*** about are actually the ones that chase me! So weird.

You have to be real assertive and confident when you do it. You just don't have to give a s*** anymore. Sending a letter pouring out your feelings is a thing in movies, and that commonly is not a pre-relationship thing (unless it's like a "wish we could've had something but I'm moving on" letter)...you should've NEVER done that especially cause it probably scared her.

Girls like sensitive guys, but ultimately they want to see you be a man and confident as well!

Come on man, take a step forth, invite her to dinner and make your move! Just act like you don't give a damn and she'll be over you. But be confident, listen, and ask about her and don't talk too much about yourself.

[Holdme]

The more you like her, the more you'll F' it up.

Amen brother - when you see each other again dont think about your feelings and just chill, i know it can be hard, but if you do this u'll have an awesome time together and something will probably happen without you even thinking about it.

[thewaydown]

I appreciate the responses guys but I really don't know how I should approach the situation from here. Should I still attempt to try to hang out with her? Or should I just wait for her to ask me.

any more responses would be appreciated if you can stomach the read. thanks.

[Holdme]

The only other advice I can give you is whatever you do next make sure your comfortable doing it. If it makes you nervous or anything along those lines don't do it - you will come accross very awquard and nothing will go as you want it to.

From the way things sound I wouldn't count on her asking you anything, your being a bit over bearing with your emotions. By all means hang out with her whenever you get the chance, I think you should let your emotions settle down for a while first though - but just relax and stop wanting her to like you. I know it's not easy but that's what you gotta do. Otherwise you'll just be driving her away from you. Get back into the comfortable casually hanging out phase before you try anything more. She needs to be comfortable around you if anythings going to happen (stop obsessing, and take her off that pedestal - she's just a girl - if you think she's better than you she won't bite, people want equals in relationships).

If things don't work out, trust me there are other girls, ones that are alot better than this one and when you think this is over - you'll relise it's just begun. Hope this helps

[Gigabitch]

Look around this forum at some of the other threads. Your situation is not unique. This is a good thing- there is a pile of advice about how to go about getting through this and past it, which I think you should try to do.

[thewaydown]

The only other advice I can give you is whatever you do next make sure your comfortable doing it. If it makes you nervous or anything along those lines don't do it - you will come accross very awquard and nothing will go as you want it to.

From the way things sound I wouldn't count on her asking you anything, your being a bit over bearing with your emotions. By all means hang out with her whenever you get the chance, I think you should let your emotions settle down for a while first though - but just relax and stop wanting her to like you. I know it's not easy but that's what you gotta do. Otherwise you'll just be driving her away from you. Get back into the comfortable casually hanging out phase before you try anything more. She needs to be comfortable around you if anythings going to happen (stop obsessing, and take her off that pedestal - she's just a girl - if you think she's better than you she won't bite, people want equals in relationships).

If things don't work out, trust me there are other girls, ones that are alot better than this one and when you think this is over - you'll relise it's just begun. Hope this helps

Thanks for that. I think you're completely right. Sometimes I feel like I know how I should handle things, but its nice to have some kind of reinforcement from others.

[thewaydown]

Look around this forum at some of the other threads. Your situation is not unique. This is a good thing- there is a pile of advice about how to go about getting through this and past it, which I think you should try to do.

I actually lurked quite a good bit before I even decided to register and make this topic. You're right that I doubt that it is that unique to this forum, maybe just unique for me. I'll try to dig a bit more through old topics.

[Gigabitch]

You're going to be fine. You sound reasonable and intelligent, which puts you miles ahead of many others.

[MVPlaya]

This situation is the opposite of unique, I think we need a sticky for all the "I suck with women" / "I'm too scared to talk to her" / "am I ugly" / "does she like me like me" threads.

[thewaydown]

A little bit to add. Past couple weeks we've seen each other and things seem to be a lot less akward. She seems to feel comfortable again around me, maybe even a little bit of flirting and a bit of texting casually outside class. I've tried to hang out with her the past couple weekends but she has been unavailable, literally, wasn't making an excuse. She hasn't tried to make any other plans with me outside of class or get together any other time after me offering to do something together. I'd just like some suggestions as to how I should progress from here. Do I continue trying to get her to see me outside of class? Or do I just drop it and move on.

[Freshly]

Dont drop it hang out with her again then if you get a in a position to make a move but cant just say "Im trying so hard not to kiss you right now" and wait for her response hopefully it will be along the lines of "Well I dont see why you are"

Best of luck man, keep us updated, rooting for ya!!