Very confused and desperate

[Bladerunner14]

Janet – The love of my life. We were best friends for a year and I asked her to date me but she said no because her mom wouldn’t let her date someone her mom never met. She dated a guy I knew while telling me she loved me (this caused me pain). She then broke up with him and started dating his brother. They eventually broke up and I asked her out and she said yes. We have been dating for months since and although she hurt me, we fell deep in love and were really happy. Although she wants to spend every little minute with me, slowly but steadily she is treating me like her ex boyfriends treated her – like trash. She does a whole bunch of little inconsiderate things (walks away from me in public places, pushes me away when I want a kiss, talks to her ex's who are trying to get back together with her) although she doesn’t always intentionally do these things. I love her but I feel like she takes me for granted now even though I waited in line for a year to date her. I feel so strong for her that I don’t want to give her up, but my whole family thinks she's not good enough for me. In a year I will go to college and I might see her when I come visit home. She and I both know (not trying to be arrogant) that she would be heartbroken without me.

Katie – One of my good friends and secret crush for 1 year. When I transferred schools, she was the first girl to make friends with me, when practically no one else did. Over the year, she tended to rely on me for a LOT of schoolwork, and came over every once in a while to get my help. She naturally tends to be flirty with guys, but pays more attention to me because I'm so friendly to her. I wanted to date her, but she was taken at the time, and after Janet broke up with her ex, I asked Janet instead. During the school year Katie expressed affection for me by calmly stating that she loved me in private (about 5 times), and when I told her I loved her back she lit up and smiled. She kissed me once as a part of a drama skit, and I could tell she really loved the moment because she had wanted to rehearse it numerous times. Katie joked around in public about how she wanted to marry me and have sex with me. She even told me she loved me in front of her boyfriend once.

Janet and Katie have met before, but my Janet doesn’t like to talk to Katie because the little kiss on the cheek incident. Now that the new school year has started, Katie immediately referred to me as "my love" on the first day, wanting to hold my hand and talk. She asked me if I was still dating Janet, and when I replied yes, she smiled either a friendly or fake smile. I cant really tell if she likes me because I help her in school, or she really is genuinely attracted and interested in me. I don’t feel wrong thinking about a relationship with her because Janet never really considered my feelings when going about dating those other guys and trying to hold on to me. I plan on asking Katie whether she likes me or not sometime very soon, and revealing my feelings for her as well. She sends me confusing signals, and that has been my problem in determining how she feels about me...

Am I fooling myself with my relationship with Janet?
Am i fooling myself on my feelings for Katie?
Does Katie even like me at all?

[GBRaul]

Only you can answer the first two questions and only Katie can answer the last question. Period.

But after reading what you posted, I feel that Janet IS taking advantage of you. You are always there and you come of as a desperate fool who she can treat like a doormat. She abuses you and you keep going back for more! I feel you should just cut her off like a tumour and try someone else. Katie for instance? You'd never know what could happen. It's YOUR life, don't waste it waiting on someone who treats you like trash.

[jslaughter]

GBRaul is right . . .

Janet doesn't seem to be treating you very well - sounds like it might be time for a change.

[squirrley]

Id say time for a change too, but dont jump into ANOTHER relationship, youre admitting you still love Janet. By jumping into another one, youre not completely over Janet, and its not fair to that woman(maybe Katie). ID give yourself some time to ditch the old, heal, and then start over with someone.

Goodluck

[Bladerunner14]

im still just trying to figure out whether Katie is genuine when she says she loves me, or if she is just using me because im so helpful to her in school...I do like her but i dont wanna be just another guy on her list...