What should I do?

[lessthankeevin]

Hey everyone! New to the forum here.

Alright, well anyways, here's what's up. I'm currently dating this girl who I've been friends with for over a year. Apparently she had a huge crush on me, but I never felt anything back in the day. Months later, I started liking her more and more. So we started "talking". We "talked" for about 3 months till I asked her out. She said yes. We've been dating for about 2 weeks now.

Alright, there's my situation. Now here's my problem. I'm starting to become less and less interested in her as each day passes. But at the same time she's falling for me more and more. She just told me today that she's writing a song about me. And it killed me, because all I want to do now is be friends. But she's going to be heart broken if I do that. Plus after 2 weeks?

Ok, so there's that. Here's what makes it even harder. She's a really good friend of mine. She's in my major friend group so she's not just some girl. And then after that. She's kind of prude I guess? I was her first "hook up." So now I'm kind of feeling guilty about that too :/.

I don't know what to do. I'm not happy in this relationship. I have to fake a smile and all that stuff :/ I need some advice. Please help!

[vashti]

Why the sudden change of heart?

[lessthankeevin]

I dunno that's the thing. I couldn't figure it out myself. I just lost it. There's no real reason

[vashti]

I guess what they say is true: as soon as a girl gives it up, the guy begins to lose interest. Maybe you should keep this in mind before you go messing with girls that are closely associated with your social circle in the future, because I can't see how this will end well.

So, what are you gonna do? You really only have 2 options; keep her and keep the social circle intact, or get rid of her and cause chaos to the social circle.

Or, i guess you could get rid of her and find a new social circle...

[lessthankeevin]

It's weird. It's not the giving up part. It's just it's so straight forward now, like there isn't that challenge anymore. It's too simple. But there's no third option?

[DarklingThrush]

It's weird. It's not the giving up part. It's just it's so straight forward now, like there isn't that challenge anymore. It's too simple. But there's no third option?

Unfortunately, no. I've watched this from the sidelines and the group will fall apart because some people will side with you and others will side with her. That's just how it happens. As vashti said, you will have to be more careful in the future if you're going to date within your social circle.

[lessthankeevin]

Yeah if anything I'm gunna try and hold off on dating is this don't work out. I need to get my head straight. I don't think I'm mature enough for all of this serious stuff yet.

Do you really think the circle would get that torn though? Half of us have been friends since elementary school now we're all in college and high school.

But here's the thing how would I even go upon breaking up with her? Could I maybe be able to get her to break up with me?

[DarklingThrush]

Yeah if anything I'm gunna try and hold off on dating is this don't work out. I need to get my head straight. I don't think I'm mature enough for all of this serious stuff yet.

Do you really think the circle would get that torn though? Half of us have been friends since elementary school now we're all in college and high school.

But here's the thing how would I even go upon breaking up with her? Could I maybe be able to get her to break up with me?

I always think it's silly to get the other person to break up with them. You're already unhappy and dragging things out and making them even unhappier is just wasted time, not to mention heartache. On top of that, if you want to have any chance of salvaging the social circle, dragging it out will definitely make it messy.

My two friends dated in high school for one messy week and broke up. She convinced half my friends that he was a pig and horrible person; he convinced the other half that she was a control freak and crazy. I got stuck in the middle since I knew that they both just weren't compatible on a dating level and shouldn't have gone out in the first place. And every time I was with one, they would trash the other. I just gave up and found a new circle.

If you want to break up with her, you need to talk to her as soon as possible. You need to tell her that you think you rushed into this and don't feel the way you think is right for a relationship; that it's not fair for either one of you to be in this relationship if you're feeling this way. Even though it's going to hurt her, stopping this now is what's best.

If you want to still date her (make sure you still have feelings for her) but feel she's getting too serious (which sounds like the case), then tell her. Tell her that you want her to chill out and calm down, take it a little slower. If she can't handle that you need a bit of space, then maybe a breakup is best. Again, even if she's really upset but can't accept that you don't want to be super serious right now, it's best to stop it now and not drag it out.

You also have to understand that this is her first relationship (from what you said). When I was in my first relationship, I didn't know what was too much and what wasn't enough. I went from my ex telling me that I wasn't talking to him enough to telling me to chill out on the text messages. Don't take this information as a deterrent to break up with her- just take it as something you might want to consider. By talking to her and telling her that you aren't ready for things to be that serious yet but still like her (again, make sure you actually feel this way), you might be able to set things on a path that you feel more comfortable with.

I also recommend in the future to be careful dating a friend of a large social circle. It can really bite you in the butt if it blows up in your face. =/

[starbuck]

Yeah if anything I'm gunna try and hold off on dating is this don't work out. I need to get my head straight. I don't think I'm mature enough for all of this serious stuff yet.

Do you really think the circle would get that torn though? Half of us have been friends since elementary school now we're all in college and high school.

But here's the thing how would I even go upon breaking up with her? Could I maybe be able to get her to break up with me?

First of all, break it off immediately before she invests anymore emotion in you. And please don't try to get her to break up with you...that would be toying with her emotions. Just man up and do it.

It shows that you're a decent person that you feel remorse about this, but don't be so hard on yourself. You thought you wanted to be with someone then realized you weren't ready for it to get so serious so soon. This is pretty typical of college dating IMO.

[lessthankeevin]

Alright, if anything I think I'm going go break it off. I still want to be friends with her though. Is there anyway that I can go about doing that?

[gobelindago]

this exact situation happened to two friends of mine, except the roles were switched. she held on for as long as she could, just to see if maybe she was jumping to conclusions with not liking him anymore. but she finally broke up with him, and yes, it did cause chaos to our social circle. we constantly had to choose one or the other, and he always talked about her to us.
it took him an entire summer and beyond, but he did get over her. just like this girl will get over you. and it may take some time, but eventually you guys will be a big happy circle again.

[cheroot]

Here's what makes it even harder. She's a really good friend of mine. She's in my major friend group so she's not just some girl. And then after that. She's kind of prude I guess? I was her first "hook up." So now I'm kind of feeling guilty about that too :/.

you're going to love her and leave her, and she's some kind of prude?
And you're Mr. Pure? Mr. Put-Upon? Damn. I hope she is a prude, and a hysteric, and the kind of person who doesn't take abuse without getting revenge. If there's any justice, she'll get your friends on her side, and get you outcast from everything and everywhere. Good luck- to her.