should i leave this 12 years relationship behind?

[sokelengl]

I’m a 32 year old lady. I wasted 12 years on a deadbeat boyfriend.
For the initial 7 years we are living in overseas ( in UK) and cohabited for 7 years. At that time we were students. Now we are living in different country. He visited me 3-4 times a year for the past 5 years.
This man will turn 37 soon, but has the maturity of an early twenty man. I was a fool who fell for a total jerk-off. He lives in flat with his mum and his mum’s partner. Therefore he has no rent to pay, no car and doesn’t has his own flat. He never takes a day of professional job once he graduated from university. After finished his undergraduate study, he pursued to his graduated study. He said the reason he pursue further studies was because he was afraid to come out working. He spent another 5 years in the university and failed to get a graduate degree. He wasted 5 years for northing. In my mind, I don’t see getting a phd is crucial. Plenty of people on the street still get a good earning and comfortable life with a basic degree. Being a understanding lady,I gave him plenty of time ( another 4 -5 years) and space to reset his career path.
As he staying with his mum, he whined a lot and hates the environment completely. He said he don’t have space and feel trapped in the flat. Because there is always someone in the flat and don’t have enough privacy to do his online business planning. Honestly say, I don’t think it is right to shift the blame to his mum. His mum is the at the semi-retired age ( 60 years old). At this age she is probably feel she is too tired to go out. He is the person who should responsible to get the life he wants.
When we would go out, which was rare, I always paid for my share. I feel very guilty to spend his money. For every visiting period, I will try my best to serve him very well. He doesn’t have money, therefore I make home cook food to cut down the expenses of eating out. I offered him good sex, keep myself fit to look well. I am trying my best to be a successful businesswomen, a good wife to be, an excellent chef, a sluttish lady in the bedroom. For all the efforts I put into this relationship, I received northing. No promised future and, not even a ring. This sink me into the deepest depression that I can ever imagine. The suicidal thoughts always come into my mind. The pictures of turning on the carbon monoxide in the car and sink my car into river bank always surface. My business life is so hectic and busy, it distracts me a lot. It numbs the sadness in my heart. On the outside I am still a bubbly lady. Even my parent living in the same household doesn’t know I am slowly sinking into the depression.
Like other jobless man, he talks about what he’s gonna do with his life, but always ends up in no result showing. He refuses to look up for job, because no one will hire a 37 years old man without any working experiences. He also has very bad temperament. Often he would disappear for 10 days plus , and ignore all my calls in that period. So I would decide to get rid myself of him and ignore his calls. This would cause him to flip out. He left nasty email messages . WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR MOBILE?


Due to unhappiness at his mum home, he asked me to move out from my parent home , find a new place and move in with him. He said he can pay his own foods and I paid the rest of the bill! I told him without his income stability I wont’ move a finger! This is an iron rule. He came back make this comment.
“i want to say more about moving out but because i know you and your artificial rules would meant its better not to discuss it further. but i will remember that you are in the position to help but you choose not to. so you better pray that you never ever need my help in the future cos i won't be rendering you any!”
He proposed to move out 2 years ago, luckily I never did it. Two years after he still remain jobless stay with mum.
I am angry at myself for staying with him for so long. It was difficult. He was really good in bed and had a few other good qualities. I have higher standards and expectations involving the company I keep. I am a great person, and I refuse to settle for anything less.
Should I leave this behind my back?

[lhn]

you sound like you have made your decision already. If you are looking for someone with different qualities and perhaps a more prosperous future, then you know what the right decision is.

You have to move on and understand that someone else will make you happier. It can be hard when you have been close to one person for sooo long but don't ever believe that you have to settle for anything less than happiness.

good luck