FWB or more?

[alanaxo27]

I apologize in advance for this long post, but I just want to make sure I include everything.

First of all, I'm 20, go to college, & live on my own.
I live in a big apartment building in the city. Also living in the same building as me are 3 guys I know, and hang out with on a regular basis (about 1-2 times a week, since school started in sept). Two of them I have been really close friends with since high school, the other I knew but not well until he moved in with them.

About 3 weeks ago I was hanging out with the guy who I didn't know well until he moved in with them (we have become pretty good friends in the last couple months tho). I'm going to call him 'David'. We had never hung out alone.. as anytime I hung out with him it was with the other guys. This time was different though, because we had been texting eachother for the last few days randomly, and I was a bit interested in him.. and I kinda got the vibe he was as well. My friend was over for the weekend and we ordered food so we invited him to come have some. My friend goes to bed, I'm left with him watching TV. This went on for atleast an hour and he hadn't made a move, and I was getting tired of waiting. So we end up laying with eachother on the couch and I kissed him. This escalated to more quite quickly.. it was like once I kissed him it gave him the green light for more. I was ok with this (this guy is really really good looking.. and i'm very attracted to him). He asked if I wanted to come up to his room, I say yes. We go up for the night.. fool around, but no sex. I felt really close to him, and it just felt right. We got along great and I talked to him the next day. We didn't mention anything that happened though. The next time I hung out with all of them, we ended up alone again, and I stayed the night.. this time we did have sex. This probably happened about .. 4 times in the last couple weeks.
I was beginning to get confused as to whether he liked me for anything else other than sex, because we really didn't talk much other than when we hung out. (We did hang out, we'd watch movies together and play video games, etc.. but it would always end up in the bedroom).

So once my friend went up to their apartment, and he hadn't replied to a text I sent awhile earlier, so we were drinking and I drunkingly told her to tell him we weren't friends anymore. He did, then his friend (my good friend), said "Friend?? you mean F*** buddy!". Apparently he got mad at him for calling me that, but I was still really unimpressed. I figured that must have been what he thought I was. That was a Saturday. I decided I wouldn't talk to him anymore, and if he wanted to talk to me he could text me instead of me texting him.

During the next couple days... his friend (also a guy I went on a couple dates with about 3 years ago), asked me to go to the movies with him. I always had a really big weakness for this guy and I was surprised he would ask me, and I hadn't talked to David in a couple days, and I was under the impression he didn't like me.. so I said yes. I went and it was fine, nothing happened that night. The next night he asked me to watch a show with him, so he came over and we did. This night though more happened.. nothing serious, but we did fool around a bit. I felt really really bad the next day and I told him it couldn't happen again, and it wasn't right for me to do anything with him while I had been hanging out with his friend recently (also I did tell him before we hung out that i was hanging out with david recently and it might be wierd, and he said he didnt think he'd care). I asked him to keep it between us. He agreed.

The next day I went up to David & the guys apartment for a group movie. When I was alone with him I asked him straight out what was going on with us, and that I heard I was his F*** Buddy and that was it. He said that wasn't what I was, but he didn't know what we were either. I told him he had to decide because I wasn't waiting around. I also said I was definitely not agreeing to just being FWB or whatever he wanted to call it, and if he was interested in me we should go on a real date and start doing other things. He agreed but really didn't say too much about it. Also, he said he 'wasn't good at relationhships.
That's the last time I saw him. I went home for the weekend, and had decided that I wasn't going to bother with him again unless he bothered with me... and if he didnt in the next few days, then I'd hang out with the other guy again.

The other night though, he sends me a text:
Him - 'Message me when you get back, k?'
Me - 'Ok..why?'
Him - 'You asked me a question the last time we hung out, I think we should talk about it.'
Me - 'Ok, is this going to be a good talk or a bad talk lol?'
Him - 'Just a talk lol. Depends what you want. We'll discuss it when you get back though.'

So we are due to talk tomorrow night. The other guy also has been asking me to hang out but I told him I won't until I figure things out with his friend.
It also seems wierd he would ask me if his friend was interested..... I can't imagine asking a guy who had anything to do with one of my best girl friends to hang out at all.
Does it sound like this guy (david) is at all interested? I like to think that he wants to talk because he thinks we should date, or be exclusive, or something along those lines. Maybe I'm wrong though and he's seeing if I'm interested in the FWB type thing. It seems like if he wanted to talk in person it wouldn't be to tell me bad news though? I don't know.
I also don't know what to think of the second guy (his friend).. I thought maybe he heard about me and his friend and now he thinks I'm easy? He claims he wanted to ask me out since we stopped talking way back when we dated a bit.. but he always had a gf or I had a bf at the time.
(Just for the record, I know this makes me sound a bit like a .. bad person. But I have only ever slept with one other guy and he was my one and only bf and we went out for 14 months).
Thanks guys. Sorry for my rambling.

[Bumble_bee]

all you can do really is hang on until you guys have had a talk about things, hopefully he'll let you know where you guys stand in terms of a relationship, and you won't have to keep the other guy hanging.

If the talk gets you no closer to understanding what 'david' wants from you, then I'd move on. Don't hang for this guy too long, and don't make the other hang for you either. best wishes

[girl68]

First of all I don't care what happens with David, don't go out with guy number 2 you obviously don't like him that much. I know this because he's your backup. If David doesn't want you you're going to go run to guy number 2.

Why don't you freaking relax until you ACTUALLY find out what David wants!

[alanaxo27]

well the thing is i do like guy #2, i always have. it's just i don't think it would be right of me to cut david and run off with his friend. i was hanging out with him first, and i wouldn't want to cause any problems between hiim and his friend if i were to choose the other guy instead.
but you're right bumblebee, i should just not worry until i find out exactly. i've just been stressing all weekend about it which is why i made the post. thanks.

[girl68]

No it's not "wrong" to be like actually I'm not digging you, I like someone else. You owe him nothing you had sex, big whoop!?

Tough shit you already caused problems, you messed with buddies. It don't matter who you pick you still messed with both of them.

[alanaxo27]

well the second guy knows that i have been with his friend and he knows i'm confused about it all. so it's not like i'm hiding anything from him.
as far as i'm concerned there's no reason for david to know anything happened between me and his friend. we weren't dating when it happens, and we weren't exclusive. i mean.. if he messed around with a girl i'd obviously be kinda annoyed but there's nothing i could say.
hopefully the second guy will keep his word and not tell. if he does.. then i'll have to deal with the consequences.

[girl68]

so you're prepared that's good.

my point though is: do NOT go for the guy because you slept with him first, or that you think he gets to claim you if he wants, go with the guy you REALLY like, the one you REALLY want. you really owe neither of them anything in terms of who gets dibs on you. You do owe them one thing and that is don't pick someone because you think you should, or you have to, or you feel like a hoe if you don't go with David. you owe it to yourself to be with the guy you like, desire, want, need the most.

[alanaxo27]

Yeah you are definitely right about that.
I do like them both in different ways. I do think I want to be with David more, I guess I like that he hasn't been with many girls, and he's a genuinely nice guy... and attractive. But the second one actually makes an attempt to talk to me and hang out with me. Though I know he's been around the block a few times.... but he is soosoo hott, which is why I can't hang out with him until I figure things out with David.. I can't control myself with him.
I guess I'll just wait till I have a talk with David tomorrow night and see what his feelings are.

[davidtorres]

hahaha those guys knows whats going on and they still chase 1 girl. i guess no one believes on the "bros before hoes". no offense intended.

i think you should tell them what you want not wait for them to make a move.

also, you gave in too early.

[alanaxo27]

hahaha those guys knows whats going on and they still chase 1 girl. i guess no one believes on the "bros before hoes". no offense intended.

i think you should tell them what you want not wait for them to make a move.

also, you gave in too early.

well i'm not so sure the first guy knows about it. but i know the second one does.
and i know i gave in too early, huge mistake on my part.. but, mistakes happen... and i definitely learnt from my mistake.

[lovesjoyajm]

It wasn't looking good until he texted you asking you to talk, in my eyes. That could go either way, obviously. But the whole "I'm not good at relationships" is bullshit-speak for "I don't want a relationship with you." I guess I'd wait and see how the talk goes, make it clear again that you're not interested in waiting around for him (and sleeping with him) while he decides if you're relationship material. And if it's the other guy you're more interested in, talk with him.
I know, it SOUNDS easy...

[alanaxo27]

well..we talked last night.
He basically said he thought about it a lot the last few days and that he didn't think he could get into a relationship right now. I could tell he felt really bad and was just trying to do what was best for him. He said he didn't think at this point in his life he could deal with having a girlfriend, because of his school and he recently moved out, and can hardly take care of himself let alone anyone else. He said the last few relationships he had weren't good ones and he didn't want to hurt me.. anymore than he already probably has. He also said he's not saying it would never turn into a relationship, just not right now. (Though I highly doubt if we kept things going like they were that he would turn it into a relationship lol). He said it was completely up to me if i wanted to keep things how they were, or if I wanted to go back to being friends.. but he didn't think he could go any further than we already have (relationship wise). I said that as much as I liked being with him I didn't think I would be able to continue having sex with him and not want more, because I already want more..and if it were to continue I would just make myself more dispointed that nothing would come from it. I also said I wouldn't be able to deal with doing stuff with him, and having to put up with other girls or the thought of it being ok that he has other girls as well. He said that wouldn't be an issue at all (which i kinda believe because he doesnt seem to have many girls ever..), and it wasn't just me he didn't want a relationship with, it was anyone.
I don't really understand though... he said he really likes me, and feels like an idiot for not getting into a relationship with me. So why won't he? I don't see why he doesn't atleast want to try... so what if it screws up our friendship or messes up our group of friends ? I'd rather try then wonder what could have been...
Anyway, I told him I couldn't keep it going unless it was going somewhere.. so we should just go back to being friends.
Just sucks though.. cause after last night I realized I really do actually like him, and we get along so well and I love hanging out with him, and I know he thinks we do as well.. and I haven't liked anyone as much as I like him in a really long time. He claims he might decide otherwise.. but I highly doubt it. I'm just going to assume we're done forever.

[Gigabitch]

You're too emotionally irresponsible to be having sex, IMO. You're like a kid in a candy store. These guys are people too, you know, and they DO care if it "messes up your group of friends".

[davidtorres]

well..we talked last night.
He basically said he thought about it a lot the last few days and that he didn't think he could get into a relationship right now. I could tell he felt really bad and was just trying to do what was best for him. He said he didn't think at this point in his life he could deal with having a girlfriend, because of his school and he recently moved out, and can hardly take care of himself let alone anyone else. He said the last few relationships he had weren't good ones and he didn't want to hurt me.. anymore than he already probably has. He also said he's not saying it would never turn into a relationship, just not right now. (Though I highly doubt if we kept things going like they were that he would turn it into a relationship lol). He said it was completely up to me if i wanted to keep things how they were, or if I wanted to go back to being friends.. but he didn't think he could go any further than we already have (relationship wise). I said that as much as I liked being with him I didn't think I would be able to continue having sex with him and not want more, because I already want more..and if it were to continue I would just make myself more dispointed that nothing would come from it. I also said I wouldn't be able to deal with doing stuff with him, and having to put up with other girls or the thought of it being ok that he has other girls as well. He said that wouldn't be an issue at all (which i kinda believe because he doesnt seem to have many girls ever..), and it wasn't just me he didn't want a relationship with, it was anyone.
I don't really understand though... he said he really likes me, and feels like an idiot for not getting into a relationship with me. So why won't he? I don't see why he doesn't atleast want to try... so what if it screws up our friendship or messes up our group of friends ? I'd rather try then wonder what could have been...
Anyway, I told him I couldn't keep it going unless it was going somewhere.. so we should just go back to being friends.
Just sucks though.. cause after last night I realized I really do actually like him, and we get along so well and I love hanging out with him, and I know he thinks we do as well.. and I haven't liked anyone as much as I like him in a really long time. He claims he might decide otherwise.. but I highly doubt it. I'm just going to assume we're done forever.

let me read through the lines for you since im a guy.
The italic part of your quote = its an excuse. if a guy wants to be in a relationship then he will be in a relationship with you even if theres a storm or its the end of the world. Your mistake was you gave in too fast thats why he sees you as a F buddy.

Bold part of your quote = this shows that he just wants your body. This proves that i am right.


Look, you want a relationship? Dont give it too fast. Make him chase. Do you want to know what they think bout you? They think that youve been around and your a slu*. Do you really think they dont talk about you on your back? lol

[Gigabitch]

Do you really think they dont talk about you on your back? lol

Good point. Don't you have any brothers, Alana? I'm going to guess you don't. You seem to be pretty innocent about the ways of men.

They call you "Round Heels" and high-five each other. Count on it.