Taking my wife's last name?

[the algerian]

Long story short, my wife informed me about how her father back in Italy has become even weaker than before. Her mother has informed her this may very well be his last few months.

Now, my father-in-law is a very traditional man who had wanted someone to carry his last name. As he only had two daughters, he has been somewhat depressed at the prospect of not having his legacy carried. My wife is anguished by it as well as she has a close bond to her father.

Which brings me to the point. We have been married for two years and she kept her last name. Now, I want to know if it would be appropriate if I ask her if it's appropriate for me to change my last name to hers? It would allow our daughter (and any future children) to carry her family name and have husband+wife share the same last name.

Any thoughts? Also, can this be done legally? I'm not sure if there is a precedent set for men changing their last names so excuse my ignorance. As well, I was wondering if it would be appropriate the surprise her with this move or talk about it beforehand?

[Cbrider]

I don't know the ins and outs of name changing in the least bit, but is taking both names an option?

I.e Smith-Jones

[the algerian]

But would children have both names as well?

[Gribble]

It would be one helluva gesture.

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

If it brings relief and comfort to a dying man--to the father of your wife--I say go for it.

[NeoSeminole]

horrible idea. You change your last name and then what? All that to please a dying man with a few months left to live in exchange for having your legacy stripped away?

[Gribble]

What's important about a legacy? You die. You're reduced to dust. What difference does it make what collection of sounds your children respond to? It's all so pathetically insignificant.

[Petit Papillon]

Tho I'm more traditional about names, I think it's really a very nice gesture.Besides italian names sound good,your kids may gain +20 points to respect at school
No really, it's a nice thing. Especially if it's not a big deal for You go for it. It just shows that You really care for your woman and her feelings.

[Chupacabras]

You can change your name to whatever the heck you want it to be, there shouldn't be any legal hurdle to you doing it. Don't surprise her with it though, discuss it first.

I wouldn't take someone elses name, but to each their own.

[girl68]

You can put whatever name you want on the birth certificate. When the woman doesn't change her name often the kids still carry the fathers' name. But in your case it would simply be the opposite. You choose what last name your kids have.

And yes, you can certainly change your last name to hers. I'm sure she'd be honored.

[NeoSeminole]

Gribble says:

"What's important about a legacy? You die. You're reduced to dust. What difference does it make what collection of sounds your children respond to? It's all so pathetically insignificant."

a legacy is your lasting impression. It's like a fingerprint you leave on this planet after you're gone. While it may not be important to you, it certainly is to others.

[girl68]

The wife is entitled to her "legacy" too, Neo.

[Chupacabras]

The western social norm is no, she's not.

[dancer4life]

I've actually done it and I think it's awesome you want to take your wife's name.
my dad's first name has been in the family for generations and would've been my middle name if I had been a boy. The day I turned 18 I went and adeded it as my 2nd middle name. I didn't tell my dad or his family until after I did it. I haven't told my mom's family and never will. My fisrst son will have this name and I hope it is carried beyond him.

In the end, the only thing that really matters is if you're going to be happy with yourself for changing it, or if you're going to end up regretting it.

[girl68]

The western social norm is no, she's not.

Tell me why then are so many women NOT changing their names, or at the very least hyphon-ing it?

Yes, this is becoming more the norm than it ever has before.

[lilly1185]

A near and dear friend of mine wedded his now wife, and they both changed their last names to one common married name in honour of a Norwegian god.

I believe it can be done, and if you care about her and her family, it's a sweet gesture. I'm fairly certain whatever you put on a birth certificate is okay. Talk to a lawyer!

Not to mention, in some cultures (Nat. Amer. I believe,) it's common for the man to take the last name of the woman (if he's marrying the chief's daughter).