I gave him an ultimatum after his cheating

[xxstarxx]

Ok so after I discovered his cyber cheating (see my previous post, profiles on dating sites and him offering to webcam with strangers) I finally last night gave him an ultimatum.

I said, when you are ready to start treating me right, win me back round again with flowers, chocolates, shower me with affection and basically treat me as youd expect anybody to treat their girlfriend, when youre ready to start treating me like that, then I will go out with you again..............

He told me that he would collect his clothes tomorrow
Then he told me dont worry about the clothes, just bin them
...(I cut them up!)

So Im kinda feeling that its all backfired on me and that he cant have cared enough about me in the first place or he would be interested in making it work. Hes said he has had enough of me questioning him and the arguments (which basically stemmed from his dishonesty and deviousness)

Weve had contact this morning via text (he sent me a couple of words, I replied with a big text and havent heard back) ....what should my next move be?

[girl68]

Good for you, now don't cave.

[Lite]

You stood up for yourself, and he proved to be a bigger ass than you thought. Consider him a bullet dodged and a man unworthy of your time and and affection.

[vashti]

then he told me dont worry about the clothes, just bin them
...(i cut them up!)

ahahahahahah!

[lilly1185]

Usually if a guy is sneaking around on you, he's not worth your time to begin with.

At least you aren't married and/or have a kid together.

[Canine]

bag him and trash him..

[starbuck]

Next move? He was CHEATING on you. An ultimatum would have been his get out of jail free card to get you back and then start cheating again. Delete his number from your phone. Cut contact with him and move on with the realization that you deserve much better.

[Gigabitch]

An ultimatum works exactly ONE time. It's over. Get an exorcism or something- get him out of your life.

[davidtorres]

find a rebound.

[QuanSai]

Ok so after I discovered his cyber cheating (see my previous post, profiles on dating sites and him offering to webcam with strangers) I finally last night gave him an ultimatum.

I said, when you are ready to start treating me right, win me back round again with flowers, chocolates, shower me with affection and basically treat me as youd expect anybody to treat their girlfriend, when youre ready to start treating me like that, then I will go out with you again..............

He told me that he would collect his clothes tomorrow
Then he told me dont worry about the clothes, just bin them
...(I cut them up!)

So Im kinda feeling that its all backfired on me and that he cant have cared enough about me in the first place or he would be interested in making it work. Hes said he has had enough of me questioning him and the arguments (which basically stemmed from his dishonesty and deviousness)

Weve had contact this morning via text (he sent me a couple of words, I replied with a big text and havent heard back) ....what should my next move be?

You sound like a little BITCH. I hate to say it, and I'm not calling you a bitch, but you sound like one. What the SHIT were you thinking?

This guy was smart. He has YOU wanting him. lmao You, and anyone else who posted here in agreement with what you said, should look at this closely and see what happened here. Obviously he wants you to do EXACTLY what you're doing now -- engaging in confusing thoughts pertaining to what to do next. This guy did exactly what I would do in this situation.

Great move by this guy. You, on the other hand, should grow up. You cut up his clothes? lmao You're crying for emotional help. You sound weak. I wouldn't want to be with a girl who resorts to such childish acts. Grow up. I commend this guy fully.


I hope this helped.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, I kind of agree with Quan. This guy IS manipulating you.

If you've decided what he has done is unacceptable to you, then stick to your decision and move on. The guy is calling your bluff and making you dance. Tell him to go cyber-fuk-off, you're moving on.

[xxstarxx]

Thanks guys for all your posts.

Quan, hehee, yeah I can see where youre coming from on this, but up until that point I had never spoken up for myself just acted the typical doormat. Maybe my actions werent the best, but its a hard situation to be in, at 41 and with 3 young kids I dont wanna go back and start again with another relationship, most guys I've known lose interest once they realise I have children. I love this guy to bits and merely wanted advice originally on how to get the trust back. Maybe I am crying out for emotional help, who knows, but I do feel pretty humiliated and I suppose I just thought he would try and make it up to me, make amends for what he did and yet he never actually did that. I know if Id have done that to him and lied repeatedly, I woulda done anything in my power to make it better, not ignored the situation, burried my head in the sand and act like nothings happened.

He refuses to talk about any of it and I find it hard to trust what he says. Were still together, I backed down, again!

[lilly1185]

Having kids and dating *is* difficult. I watched my aunt do it, and am yo-yoing with it now. It's always a good idea, I have learned, to not introduce new-boyfriend to the kids until you're serious. And you're SURE it's serious. For me, I have always been excited to introduce someone to my son but had to remember to *wait*. Or if I did, to be no more than friendly to the company so as not to ingrain weird ideas into his head (he's only 2 but still...).

Finding a man who wants you when you have kids is hard. There are a few online dating sites dedicated to single parents, try googling that and see if you come up with something.

And 41 isn't that old. You've still got a lot of life left in you, why would you want to waste it on someone so undeserving?

Getting back together with him is a mistake. If he is exposed to your children at all you'll be setting a terrible example for them on what self worth is. You've got to analyse everything you do and with whom when kids are involved because you don't want to leave them with any bad tastes about dating.

Take a breather from relationships and focus on your kids. You've got plenty of time, and you don't want to miss your children growing up or helping them with life experiences because you're too busy being a doormat.
They only have one mom, and you'll only have special moments with each of your kids once. Don't screw it up. They'll hate you for it later.