Visual vs Cerebral

[Breezy18]

The other night I was out with friends and I got to talking to the bartender. He mentioned how he's always seeing these beautiful women come in with a mediocre guy on their arm but never sees it the other way 'round. I don't know about that myself, but I answered that perhaps it is because men are visual animals and women are more cerebral. Meaning, a man is turned on more by the way a woman looks; how she walks, flips her hair, smiles, or is dressed whereas a woman is stimulated by intriguing conversation and a strong mind. What do you all think? The guy sitting next to me disagreed. He said that a girl could be a real knock out but with nothing upstairs, it's just not worth his time. I agreed, but said that initially a guy is turned on by visual stimulation. It isn't until AFTER he gets to know her that he decides whether she's worth dating on an ongoing basis. But a mediocre girl sitting next to the "knock out" hasn't got a chance.

[erk]

I disagree. I'd not go with a girl unless she was good company, and we had stuff in common. Else, there's no point.

[squirrley]

I think some guys are visually stimulated, and so are women. This goes right to the first impressions. There are beautiful women are out there, but their personalty sucks. And it goes without sayn men can be the same way. Mr. gorgeous~but hes an ass.

Now Ive seen couples where one is better lookn the other, but this is in my opinion, and I wonder how that it is, why theyre together. But we all know everyone has their own levels of what we feel is attractive. Good ole Rod Steele not a favorite of blondes! But thats his preference.

I dont know I dont think a guy is going to admit he goes for looks first. There has to be some level of attractiveness first, but I think it goes BOTH ways.

[Breezy18]

Okay, I agree that men and women alike have to be attracted physically, yes. BUT put a mediocre girl and a knock out at the same table. How many men are going to even notice the mediocre girl is there before any conversation even transpires? I have this friend. Tall, slim, blonde, blue eyes, blah, blah, blah. I know not every man is attracted to that, BUT me being who I am, (not too terribly attractive, but fun, intelligent and sorta sweet), could be standing on the table NAKED and still the guys would flock to her. LoL That is a slight exaggeration, of course, but you get the idea. How do you let the guy see exactly what you are made of when he won't take the time to talk to you? It's hard to compete with blonde and beautiful regardless of how intriguing you may be. And, yeah, Squirt, I remember having this convo with Alexi about how girls are the same. They talk to the good looking guys first. But in all honesty, I would engage the "table" in conversation before I made a decision as to who would be most appropriate for me to get to know.

[GBRaul]

I'd admit I go for looks first. I mean, seriously who can say he doesn't? It's all in our cerebrum But seriously, since young we've been attracted to beautiful things (not only girls). Thus a "knockout" would obviously stand a better chance than a plain jane. This is a sad world in that a mediocre looking girl no matter how beautiful she is on the INSIDE would not get much attention, and if she goes around looking for attention she would be labelled as a desperate slut who should go look in the mirror or something like that. But it's the same for guys isn't it? Though maybe not so much... I guess the only way for mediocre looking PEOPLE to get themselves noticed is to have a reasonably good dress sense and be sociable and confident around others. Or maybe we just have to wait for all the people who go for people with model looks get burnt till they give up... Sad isn't it? I hope I'm making sense...

[Breezy18]

You make perfect sense GB. I completely agree. I was beginning to think I was alone in the world with my opinions. Thank you.

[Rêveur]

I agree with you, I think it is the way you describe, men are just automatically entranced by extremely attractive women and only later realize that they may or may not lack other important qualities (intelligence, amiability).
As far as the other way around, why very attractive men aren't seen with mediocre females, I'm stumped. Honestly, (at least this is the way it goes for me) I find (usually, NOT always) extremely good looking men to be later classified in my "jerk" category. Many a time I find those men to be so arrogant and judgmental, perhaps due to the fact that they are being lavished with attention by so many women, that I really want nothing to do with them. It's gotten to the point that when I sit down with a group of men the first I "tune out" is the most attractive. Seriously, I automatically shut him out and (horrible as it may sound) unconsciously label him to be immature and snotty. I let the other girls fawn over him and get chummy with the "hottie" while I plop myself down next to Mr. mediocre and proceed to brain-pick. Maybe this is why so many good looking women are seen with so-so men, they've just "been there, done that". And by the way, do any of you other girls find yourselves doing the same thing I do?

[Breezy18]

You said it R! But I still let the "attractive" male do his thing. I give him the chance like everyone else to intrigue me and if he does not, I move on. Mostly though, you are right. Stunning attractiveness in males, (or females for that matter) usually coincide with an exaggerated opinion of oneself. But there is always exceptions to the rule. The trouble is finding that one guy who thinks mediocrity is sexy...

[Innova]

Both men and women are physically attracted "first". That example about you and your friend breezy would apply to women as well. People are different, but the generalization is that being physical is everything, that is in todays world apperence matters...nothing more. Its sad that because of media and pressure this is how it comes to be.

With that being said, some men just want sex..simply as that, women too. Some men will be attracted, but want personality as well, women too. Some men wouldn't give a shit about attraction and find out she has a great personality, women too. (this is the kinda of situation where you thing somebody is average and people would agree..yet for some damn reason your attracted to her and you don't even know her). All these situations can be applied to both sexes, yet due to the "generalization" that men are visual and women are Cerebral, we tend to once again think that being physical is most important...Vicious circle...wouldn't you agree. Pheromones may also have a certain effect, the natural scent that somehow attracts us..but thats another subject.

Its just the way it works, attraction comes first, then personality comes second. (95% of the time) Its like fishing, you're not going to catch the fish without first having some bait for the fish to bite.

This is something I'd write forever on, but Im very tired and must get to bed. Alot of this prob. didn't come out the way I wanted it too, but ow well...I tried lol.

[Breezy18]

Its like fishing, you're not going to catch the fish without first having some bait for the fish to bite.

Great analogy there dude. I like it and you are so very right. And if people aren't gifted with "God-given" bait, then they have to do as GBRaul says, and engage in great dress sense, a gregarious nature and confidence.

[Anthony]

How many men are going to even notice the mediocre girl is there before any conversation even transpires?

That's definitely an issue that I've noticed with a fair number of people (male and female). I personally try very hard to give everyone equal "evaluation".

It's gotten to the point that when I sit down with a group of men the first I "tune out" is the most attractive. Seriously, I automatically shut him out and (horrible as it may sound) unconsciously label him to be immature and snotty. I let the other girls fawn over him and get chummy with the "hottie" while I plop myself down next to Mr. mediocre and proceed to brain-pick.

I'll admit that I tend to be fairly dubious of women who seem to go excessively out of their way to show that they're attractive. If I happen to be attracted to a woman's physical appearance, I don't need to see her flaunting her attractivity before I'll realize that it's appealing to the eye. In all honesty, I would be far more interested in someone who appeared to have a reasonable degree of intelligence than someone who spent several hours and several hundred dollars on her personal beauty.

I know how you feel when you state that you tend to subconsciously screen out certain people based on those types of impressions. Cheers to brain-picking.

[Illusional]

i think that both of your points are true breeze. first men do look with their eyes and there is nothing better than to walk into a room and have every other guy turn their heads because you have a beautiful woman on your arms. however, if they are completely dumb and i can't carry on a conversation with them, then it's a waste of my time to even talk to them. raverboy

[nomas]

Like most, I say it's not an instinctive male vs female behavior necessarily. I say it's due to two major factors: gender roles and demographics (the fact that girls outnumber us 7-1?? I don't know the number, but it's pretty bad)

It's established that what catches your attention first in an individual you don't know is their physical appearance. As Rêveur said, a lot of the prettier boys are jerks. This is because, as men, women also appreciate the good looks. So these guys have the added advantage to get the first step in with a girl and then they just have to not screw up too badly. Of course, initially relationships are not so profound as they are about making out and enjoying each other physically. Then they guy can say, "okay, well why keep this girl around when they're so easy to get and there are so many more worthy candidates"...after all, there are about 7 or 8 girls to every guy, which may be part of the problem. So the pretty boy is a jerk and girls learn that after a while. So then the girl starts to value other things more than aesthetics. By this time, us average looking guys have learned to make up where we lack physical beauty by being witty, attentive, and whatever other intangibles you can think of. So the average looking dudes get a shot at pretty girls thanks to the jerk-pretty boy's set up.

Now, as far as average girls not getting the attention...Since there are so many more girls than guys...there will be many more good looking girls than good looking guys..leaving a bigger pool of pretty girls not taken by guys for the average man to choose from. Why would he go for the average girl first when he can try his luck with a couple of good looking ladies? Because gender roles say that the guys does the choosing. The average girl doesn't do anything to get herself out there. Girls have not been taught to make the first move. Maybe average girls, too, have learned to make up the lack of hotness in other ways, but if you have to wait to get approached to show this to guys, you may not get the opportunity because in the mean time the guy is out there testing the hot-girl waters.

I'll stop there.

Freddie

[LucidDream]

I think that there is a third factor here.
First there is looks.
Then there is personalety.
And finaly, there is something that I have only ever been able to describe as 'the spark'.

I think that the spark is that something extra that you cant describe...
You can find someone who is a total knockout and has a great personalety, but sitting right next to them is this mediocre person that catches your eye, and your not sure why.

[GBRaul]

The spark? I get you there... chemistry I call it. And nomas are you sure that girls outnumber guys by 7 to 1? Where did you get the figure from?