Ex calls after 4 months no contact and 10 months apart-what now?

[sunflwr23]

So my ex boyfriend and I broke up 10 months ago because he was not ready for a serious relationship and the commitment scared him. We unfortunately in too much contact the first few months. Eventually he suggested no contact but he barely made it a month without contacting me. We talked once a month for a few months. Then he started dating someone new who he claimed wasn't serious and I didn't hear from him for 4 months. Mostly out of respect for her-on my part and so he says. Recently they broke up (it was mutual and said they knew it wasn't going to work out and didn't want to drag it out longer-he didn't seem to care)and he called me to see how I was doing. He said he didn't want to go that long without talking to me and be better about keeping in touch. He knew what had been happening in my life and often said he had comments he thought up to say on my fbook about things posted but for some reason didn't. He said he wanted to try to get lunch with me while he was in town but had no free time. Do you think he really meant that or was just saying that? We talked for over an hour and he kept it going asking questions. I apologized at one point for keeping him on the phone so long cause he was driving and he said he'd rather be talking to me. I just don't know what to think about this. He said he wanted to be better about keeping in touch but I don't know if 1) he means that, 2) its just a friendly call/texts once a month, 3) if he means more. He also suggested multiple times he would be visiting my school sometime-so maybe I will see him, but again who knows if he is just saying that. We talked nothing of our relationship. He did awkwardly make an unnecessary sex comment. Which I thought was weird. Not about me but just his sex life in general. I made a point not to tell him whether I was single or not.

I still love him so much. So I obviously want to be more than friends but I have no idea how he feels. I am his greatest love and he is definitely mine. I have a great life and I am really happy with everything but I still love and miss him and there are no other guys in my life. I still pray everyday I ultimately end up with him. I know for us being apart has been good for me- i needed to do somethings on my own and not have him as a safety net and probably for him getting to feel younger a bit longer before the real world. But I hope that our paths cross again. But it's so hard to get by in life not knowing if we will ever be together again. I tried not to get my hopes up but unfortunately I have a bit and they've already been let down. It's been a week since he contacted me and I haven't heard anything. Is it too soon to expect to hear from him? Do you think he even means he wants to be friends? Do you think he might still have feelings for me? Male opinions would be very much appreciated!!!!

[lhn]

Hi Sunflwr23,

A very delicate situation it would seem. Well, I say the same thing to anyone who is thinking of maybe kickstarting things with an ex... be careful. look after yourself first and foremost cos heartbreak and all that jazz is very difficult.

Play it smart and maybe go out for a drink casually (if your old enough) or go for lunch somewhere. Do it with no intention of 'trying' to get back with him. Feel your way through it and his body language will probably tell you a lot.

Trying to gage things over emails / texts etc etc is a no no... things can come across so wrong and often leads to confusion and upset.
Face-to-face is the way to judge something. So if you want to, there is no harm in asking him.

By the sounds of things, maybe he does think about you. Thats great news if it's the case but don't get carried away... it might not be

[davidtorres]

Im going to make this simple. A guy doesnt contact a girl if he doesnt not want to get involve with her. We dont have time to waste so of course she wants you but the question is if he wants you back or just wants you coz hes lonely?

If you want him back then go out with him.

its so funny coz my ex called me too. lol

[Chazza2k]

Id say hes been thinking about what he had with you and lost. The Sex coment is interesting perhaps it was an inquiring question to see if you provide a little info from your end? Good that you didnt.

Id say tread carefully, if something didnt work 10months back ask yourself whats really changed now? Maybe meet up and take it slowly, chat and find out if anything has really changed or he is just looking for something still casual? I'd think about this friends thing very carefully, I dont think it works out well very often if one person really wants to be with the someone who doesnt feel the same! Sure everyone normally agree to be friends but really its just a a word said in politeness. It will just rip you to pieces everytime you see that person and if they start talking about the new partner its worse.

Think of yourself and how much you want him back but please remember if it all goes bad a second time its that much worse than the first time!

[bloodtippedrose]

if something didnt work 10months back ask yourself whats really changed now?

There you go. Has he changed? Doesnt sound like it! Its been 10 months why are you still drooling over this guy? it sounds like you are a long term booty call. Have respect for yourself and cut contact off 100% and find another guyIf you let him he will use you and throw you around like yesterdays newspaper.

[sunflwr23]

I texted him casually about an inside joke and he responded and asked me a question about it and then i responded to it and he never responded. I guess that is a bad sign. I want him back! I want him to love me again! And don't tell me to just move on. I get that answer enough and it doesn't help!!!

[Moe]

My Ex. who dumped me used to call all the time and I did enjoy talking and texting her. BUT I told her about four weeks ago I will no longer be treated rudely or disrespected by her or anyone else. When someone anyone texts you and asks you a question and you answer it then they just disappear and blow you off that's wrong (just rude). She would call and we could be talking and she would say in the middle of a word got to go and not hear from her for a day or two that dis respectful. Talked to her in a parking lot once and she just put the window up and left while I was talking, never again.
She was good for a week or so now I haven't heard from her in about three weeks. She now calls and texts my kids, something she hadn't done since we broke up.

I texted him casually about an inside joke and he responded and asked me a question about it and then i responded to it and he never responded. I guess that is a bad sign. I want him back! I want him to love me again! And don't tell me to just move on. I get that answer enough and it doesn't help!!!

[mrkleen]

He wants a little ass on the side.

If you give it up, you get what you deserve.

[sunflwr23]

a little ass on the side is prettty much out of the question because we live in different places about 2 hours apart no matter how you slice it (from our permanent homes or our school homes) so he would have to make some big gesture by driving two hours to see me. He'd have to go out of his way. But the contact part is weird b/c theoretically he could just never see me again if that's what he wanted but he chooses to keep in contact and that confuses me. I really want him! But if I initiate it sometimes he cuts it short. I didn't expect him to carry on my conversation very long but he didn't use it as a door to communication with me like i'd hoped. I honestly expect just one response to the text saying hahaha but he did ask me another question. I think I had a stupid answer!!!! I'm just proud of myself for letting it go and not texting him again when he didn't respond. I used to do that all the time and I know it annoyed him sometimes.

[sunflwr23]

I really want him back. I just wish there was something I could do to remind him of the good times we had. I love him so much and deep down I thought he loved me. Now I am starting to question that. I know he was happy with me and I want to show him he could be happy with me again. Especially since all the other areas of my life are so much happier. I really just can't get over this guy! What can I do?

[cmacattack1]

You want that end the pain quick fix and that doesn't exist. By not contacting him, you have your best chance to think of you in a positive light again. Getting you strung along is helping him get over and past you. If he really cares about you, the comparison between you and anybody else will be inevitable and the bad times with others will remind of the good times he had with you. If he doesn't, it won't bother him and you will both be going your separate ways. He pulled the trigger and if it was a mistake, he will have to come back to you. Pulling is just going to put you guys into Tug O' War. That's the reality of the situation.

[sunflwr23]

I also just found out he is struggling with confidence lately and has been having a rough time in the dating department and meeting girls. my friend and i agree he was over confident when he broke up with me, so i guess he could use a good dose of reality.But 1) i am worried about him, 2) i hope this makes him think about me and works towards my advantage, 3) i hope he really realizes what we had and that i loved him and i was out of his league. But i don't know what any of this means or if I should do anything now or just keep waiting. I feel bad cause I don't want him to hurt but I get a little bit of pleasure that he is falling on his ass trying to meet other girls. I just don't want to be his safety net. Not that he is even trying.

[sunflwr23]

i am not sure if i should just tell him i love him! I don't know what would be better. sitting and waiting or taking that chance. I don't want to push him away but sometimes i feel he might need a nudge or reminder

[lhn]

Don't worry about the nudges or reminders... you really really don't need to give them. If he wants to be with you, he'll come back to you. Afterall, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want the same thing.
I know its easy to think 'they're to stubborn to come back' or 'they don't know what they want' etc etc but you're doing well and things seem to be picking up.

Don't tell him you love him, it pushes them away and reminds them that they don't love you.

Be patient and see what happens in a little while.

[sunflwr23]

i need a plan of action. he is online all the time now and it is so hard for me to not contact him. What would be most effective? just ignoring him. he isn't contacting me which i guess says something but i just need a plan to keep me from IMing him and saying something i regret or that only hurts my chances