Are we going in the right direction?

[Mythologist]

Hi all,

This is my first posting on the forum.

I haven't been in a decent relationship for a few years, and decided around this time last year that it was time to track down Miss Right. I pulled out all the stops, including internet dating on five different sites.

I think my efforts have finally paid off. I met a woman a few weeks ago, who seems to have everything I look for, including a great personality, kindness, sense of humour. The full package, it would seem. We also have a lot of very obscure things in common, and whenever we're together, time just flies.

Right from the start, she said she prefers to start as friend and build from there. I have absolutely no problem with that. We've been out three times now, and every date was a lovely experience.

I've kissed her on the lips, briefly, but that's about it. I'm in no hurry, but have a track record of going out with women, and them deciding they just want to be friends.

However, I've never experienced this degree of mutual attraction. It was instant, and I'm pretty sure she feel the same.

So, I suppose my question is, is it okay to begin as friends and take things slowly, or is there a danger of friendship taking over? Of course, I'd be honoured to be her friend, but I really want it to be more.

Thanks in advance.

[lilly1185]

There certainly couldn't be any harm in it- I could see why she would want to make sure the two of you have a foundation built before things get sexual. Sex has a way of running rampant and devolving many relationships.

Keep the communication lines strong, and let her know you're interested in more than friendship the whole while, and I don't think you'll have a problem.

[Mythologist]

Thank you. It's great to have a resource like this.

Something else I though about is that I may be in danger of coming across as too keen. Texts and IMs, etc, between us, are two-way, but I initiate them much more than her.

Is it a good idea to step back, and wait for her, or is it ok for me to be the initiator more often than not?

I really want this to work out, so I'm being more cautious than I would normally be.

[lilly1185]

When I was starting to see my boyfriend, I always let him initiate contact via IMs. I would sign on, and wait for him to initiate. I however, would text him. If he didn't text me back, I wouldn't text him again. If he did, I would take it as a green light.

It's always hard to know what game someone is playing (everyone plays games I promise you), so as long as she's at least talking back to you, or doesn't seem put off when you DO communicate through IMs, I'd say keep doing it.

If she's let her kiss you (no matter how brief) you simply HAVE to be doing something right, unless she walks around and kisses everyone.

[Mythologist]

When I was starting to see my boyfriend, I always let him initiate contact via IMs. I would sign on, and wait for him to initiate. I however, would text him. If he didn't text me back, I wouldn't text him again. If he did, I would take it as a green light.

The most I've ever had to go without a response was two texts, which was yesterday, but I knew she was busy. Then I saw her sign online, so I initiated. Any more than that, I'd be worried about coming across as too keen, but maybe that's a silly way to think about it, because I AM keen, so why hide it?

If she's let her kiss you (no matter how brief) you simply HAVE to be doing something right, unless she walks around and kisses everyone.

The first time I met her, I was so blown away by her, I tried to kiss her goodbye on the lips. Of course, she's a lady, so she turned and offered her cheek. That happened the second time too, but the third time she let me. I'm kicking myself, because I touched her on the arm after that, while I said goodnight, and I think she wanted me to kiss her again. Next time.

[lilly1185]

A little trial and error doesn't hurt, as long as you aren't trying to suck her face off.

Sounds like everything is going well. She's responding to you (coming off as interested isn't a BAD thing, just avoid the creeper-stalker things...), she's let you kiss her (did she kiss back?),

you left her wanting more. Also a good thing.

[girl68]

Friends is good, but keep going out on dates and making small moves on her. Kissing is good, most "friends" don't kiss...

[Primo]

There needs to be some sexuality at some point Mythologist, you're not in junior high. Use your communication skills to make her think about you and crave you physically (assuming there's a strong attraction and chemistry). If there is, she's already been fuc*king you in her mind a million times over, so work with that.

When you leave her at the end of the night, even if you've just shared a kiss, you BOTH should be soaking wet. Don't move slow enough to the point that she lets you go for someone who isn't shy and simply takes her physically away from you and she likes it.

[Gigabitch]

She might interpret your "step back" move as a cooling-off or a rejection. I wouldn't recommend it. She might be making sure you're sincere before she lets things progress, and I don't really blame her.

It's pretty normal for the guy to make more of an effort in the beginning of a relationship. It's traditional, and she sounds like a traditional girl. If you don't like it, maybe you need someone a little more...easy.

[Mythologist]

She might interpret your "step back" move as a cooling-off or a rejection. I wouldn't recommend it. She might be making sure you're sincere before she lets things progress, and I don't really blame her.

It's pretty normal for the guy to make more of an effort in the beginning of a relationship. It's traditional, and she sounds like a traditional girl. If you don't like it, maybe you need someone a little more...easy.

No, I do like it. To tell the truth I think I'm in love with her, and just don't want to mess it up.