Sometimes when i get mad at my boyfriend or we argue he says things like "well why don't you leave me?"
tonight i mentioned that his anger he showed toward his mom scared me and he said "if it scares you, you can leave me if you want."
and he always follows with an "i don't want you to of course, but..."
he's in love with me, he says so at least, and besides this i have no doubt that he does.
it just makes me really really upset that he can so easily throw around the idea of me breaking up with him. it makes me think things..he's been screwed over before and has a tough life but if he's in love with me like he says, wouldn't he trust me more?
what should i think about this behavior? it puts me down so much, am i overanalyzing?
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Thread: What should I think?
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06-12-09, 11:56 AM #1
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What should I think?
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06-12-09, 12:12 PM #2
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What do you think it means?
Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh
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06-12-09, 12:21 PM #3
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it makes me think that he doesn't trust me, it makes me think he expects that i will leave him. it makes me think he doesn't care.
and that, i believe, contradicts everything he says. (he loves me, needs me, i'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, etc.)
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06-12-09, 12:29 PM #4
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Hmmm. I would say it means he's either very scared you will leave (preemptive) or very disrespectful of your feelings about your relationship. Its not like you don't have feelings invested. Could be both. The only way you can find out is to tell him that these kinds of comments are very disrespectful to both you and your relationship.
Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh
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06-12-09, 12:54 PM #5
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Wild guess?
He has abandonment issues. He both believes you are going to leave and is testing to make you prove that you won't.
People who are afraid of abandonent tend to work really hard at driving loved ones away.
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06-12-09, 12:58 PM #6
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Agreed with the above statements.
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06-12-09, 07:27 PM #7
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It's easy to trust yourself but it's a lot harder to trust someone else when you've been screwed over in the past.
Even if there's no reason in his mind not to trust you, his emotions might make him think otherwise.
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06-12-09, 07:56 PM #8
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I agree with the post above. He probably wants to trust you but doesn't feel certain that you aren't going to screw him over. The people who screwed him over before probably seemed just as normal to him as you do, so now he's wary of everyone.
