A bit complicated

[paparazzi8]

Hi

I have a peculiar problem.
Am 29 yr old professional, never been in a relationship and have just been bitten by the love bug, looking for some honest/mature advice here.

About 6 months back, I met a guy at a wedding and we instantly hit it off-same likings, thoughts, nature & amazing compatability.
We kept in touch through emails and chats, he came across very honest in his feelings and often regretted not having met me before as his past is full of broken relationships with cranky women, the last one being with a single mom having two kids.
She had approached him when he was undergoing a break-up from his previous relationship, in the course of which, they became pretty close.
Its been 5 years and now-he wants to move ahead with his life as he feels he has been in it only because of his sympathetic nature and has been financially helping her & her kids. Even now, she keeps tormenting him to come back to her and keeps stalking him(they both live in the same country).

He has confessed his feelings for me and wants to spend his life with me-awfully honest about his present status and has asked me to give him some time to move on from his previous relationship. Reason of concern here is that his ex is suicidal and very clingy-she even called me couple of times to wade me off from this situation.

But-I have kept my cool so far and have been supportive-come-understanding from his perspective.
This is another reason he wants me to be with him in his life. However, his conscience doesn’t allow him to break off completely as of now from his ex.

Am a bit confused here cause I truly love this guy-even though we have had only a long distance relationship and have been talking over the phone or the video chatting, I feel he is being honest in making an effort to make a change in his life & needs me to be around.
However, I too want to be in a relationship and it makes me really jealous thinking he is so concerned for his ex. Also, am a bit worried thinking what if all his ex-girlfriends appear in future, will it not make me insecure and suicidal as well?

I think am a mature woman but when it comes to this situation of love and relationships, am not very sure if am correct in my thinking.
Please advise as my friends think I should just leave him and move on.

Woman in love,
Me

[azilin]

There's never going to be a good time or a good way to break up with this woman. She will make huge drama no matter how or when he goes about it. He's already taken the first step, I presume, which is to move out. Now he needs to quit offering her false hope, too.

His choice of language is telling -- he's asking for time to "move on". That's grieving language -- he's still coping with the loss of a relationship. On top of that, he sounds like a weak, pleaser sort of personality, riddled with guilt and a false sense of responsibility. He's been enabling this woman to not take care of her own responsibilities and she's going to milk it for all it's worth as long as she can.

Can you respect him if he can't make a clear decision and a clean break? That's a good question to ask yourself.

[starbuck]

There's something that smells off about this relationship he has with his ex girlfriend. I would suspect that maybe he hasn't made a clean break with her because he is still involved with her in a way he's not telling you about.

I hate to say it, but I'm with your friends on this one. There's way too much drama with this guy to get involved.

Just to clarify: These are not his kids he's supporting, correct?

[Primo]

Your friends probably know much better than us, especially if they've met him.

He asked you to give him some time and he's been honest about what he's wrapped up in, so at least he's upfront about that. It's up to you how much time you're willing to invest waiting around.

Maybe there's a language barrier, but are you really concerned about being suicidal over his ex's if they appear?

[IndiReloaded]

A mature woman would tell him to get his situation sorted out and THEN come and see you. If he is lucky, you will still be available. Break all but the most superficial contact with him. Do not get involved while he still with her. His ex is his problem to sort out. The fact she has already called you is a very bad sign you are too involved. Back way off and tell him the same.