Aaaaaaaaaaaaagghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

[nebulachich]

I dated a guy exclusively last year for about 9 months. It ended bcuz I didn't trust he was or wanted to be monog based on some questionable stuff he did/said. I contacted him months after the breakup and he told me he was missing me like crazy. We discussed dating again but he said he didn't want to be exclusive since "that's what screwed us up before". I agreed to date non-exclusively partly bcuz I wanted to see him again so badly but also hoping we might become exclusive again. So we've been seeing each other about once a week since April.

We were supposed to go to a movie a few weeks ago but he turned around and told me he was going away that week. I let the disappointment I felt show in my voice. When he got back from his trip he called me and sounded different and asked if I would meet him for dinenr. We met for dinner and he seemed weird.. I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't invite him to stay the night at my place (like I usually do).
He asked to see me a few nights later and he stayed over. He told me the next day he was going camping the coming weekend. I asked who he was going with. He said 2 women friends and that it's a sexually alternative event. I was crushed. He went to give me a kiss when we were leaving and I declined. He asked what was wrong. I said "I feel like I'm just... why don't you ever ask me to go away with you?" (we used to all the time when we dated). He said "You never ask me either I don't see what the big deal is. If you want to go away sometime just ask me!". Then he said "And I've been feeling funny about you lately. When we had dinner the other night I got weird." "I noticed", I said. "I started feeling sensitive (vulnerable) about you.. and I don't want to. I don't want to be on an emotional rollercoaster again". We didn't have time to talk more and he didn't say he wanted to later either.
I didn't think I'd hear from him much anymore. The day he got back from the camping trip he sent me an email saying he had a crazy week coming up but wanted to let me know he was thinking of me. I was shocked. He hadn't said anything like that since we were dating again. Then he called later that night, but I didn't pick up adn he left a quick message that he was just calling to say hi. He emailed a funny general email the next day and again I didn't respond. Just before the coming weekend he called me and left a message. He said he was bummed he hadn't got a chance to talk with me all week and was going to be out of town for more than a week camping in a remote area of ME. He said he'd miss me and had been all week and that if I got the message with a 1/2 hour and wanted to call him to go ahead.. but other than that he would be hard to reach. I didn't call him. That was on Aug 6. I did see him online the next 2 days though (i.e., appears he was more reachable than he let on)

He hasn't tried to contact me since he's been back. I broke down and called him 2 nights ago. He picked up and said he was out with a friend and couldn't talk... could he call me in a day or two.

Anyone have a clue what's up with this guy?????

[PandaCivic]

wow that's so amazing. no really it is. the guy is a pure bred playa. of course you know he's playing mind games with you. he's making you go crazy. just because he says he's doing something doesn't really mean he's actually doing it. if he says he's with 2 women friends and a sexually alternative visit, it could mean he's with his sister and her friend and he could be in his own tent wacking off to your picture. if he says he could call you back, he could be with a guy friend asking for advice about you. stuff like that. don't let him get to you. and be honest with him. of course he's not going to be honest with you, but that doesn't matter. as long as you do your part, you'll be okay. why not play the same game he's playing with you? make yourself unavailable to him. he's calling you out. if you really want to be with this guy, be with him, when you are hanging out with him, make sure you act like a cucumber. cool and collective. start it off slowly tho, first you'll need to just train your mind to only want one thing and one thing only from him. and that's a piece of ass. i know that seems rude to say but this is to help you mentally. if all you want from this guy is sex, it will make him wonder about you guys. it will make him feel like a 'woman'. no offense. just letting you know how 'most' guys think. they know that girls are 'needy' and that they can do watever they want because they can. does any of this make sense so far? all i say is keep him guessing. the fun part is when he will wonder why...

[Elysium]

if those are the kind of games he's playing, I wouldn't want to be with him anyway. That's childish and disrespectful.

[blue]

You wnated to date unexclusivley and thats what hes doing my suggestion to you would be to stop pinning over him and go out yourself. it seems to me as if you are waiitng for someone that is not willing to commit and you already know this. he also cant read your mind. if you are not dating exclusivley and you would like to come on a trip with him ask him. seriously go out and have some fun.

[PandaCivic]

ya what they all said, although i said it in too much detail...

[nebulachich]

THANKS EVERYONE.. I APPRECIATE IT.

ya what they all said, although i said it in too much... NO WAY! THANKS THAT WAS HELPFUL!

I KNOW FOR A FACT HE WENT AWAY WITH THOSE 2 WOMEN. SO YOU THINK HE LIED ABOUT FEELING VULNERABLE WITH ME AND MISSING ME THEN? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE BOTHERS WITH ME. HE HAS A LOT OF OTHER OPPORTUNITIES (I KNOW 1ST HAND).

[PandaCivic]

he MAY have other oppurtunities but how many oppurtunities does he have with you??? you may have something to offer that he can't find elsewhere, which is why he is doing this to you. if he has other places to get the poonanee, then what does he have you for? ...exactly. you're more special if he still comes back to you.
glad i could help.

[Elysium]

or he may just be one of those people who gets their self-esteem boost from keeping as many people as possible dangling on his string.

[Pretender]

This is something that you don't want to hear BUT here I go anyway.

I don't see how being in a relationship with anybody unexclusively can be healthy for anybodys emotional health?! Can you tell me that you are honestly happy knowing someone you care for and want a relationship with is having sex with other women with YOUR consent??? My lord woman you are braver than I.

I say drop the whole relationship and cut all the strings attached. You'll feel much better with a guy that makes you his #1 girl and not #5 or 6.

[PandaCivic]

she could be #1 and the rest of them are #5 or 6.

[Pretender]

If she was #1 she would of been on that camping trip with the sexual alternatives...

[nebulachich]

He called me last night. We chit-chatted then he told me he had to get something off his chest and talked about how he's been developing feelings for me and is uncomfortable about it bcuz he dones't want to be in a heavy duty relationship.. particularly with me (I guess based on our previous experience). He said he loves having sex with me but is starting to feel torn up afterwards. He said he's thought a lot and wondered if we could be platonic but he thinks that will drive him crazy as well. He asked if we could take a break for a while and come back together later and see where things were at. I said no (interestingly, I had asked the same of him last year and he said no and that it's over if I want to).

I told him he could have spared me a lot of pain had he said he was never interested in being exclusive. I asked if it was true. He said yes. I asked what possessed him to agree to it.. did he think I wouldn't see him otherwise? He said it's how he's been with all previous gfriends and yes he didn't think I would see him otherwise too but in his heart he didn't want to be.

What's the dealio? Is he afraid of being hurt? just doesn't want to be monog? or just bullshitting me???
AAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[Pretender]

His words sound sincere. But the bottom line to me is he was playing you all this time. I say don't waste your time unless he can guarantee a monogamous relationship.

[blue]

honey it's a load of shit that he fed you, dont fall for that oh he dosent know crap and im afraid of getting hurt. dont convince yourself either let go you are so much better than that.

[Elysium]

^ what she said