Ex still Loves me, but has Boyfriend and rarely calls me. I'm Confused

[kiwibuddy]

I have been on and off with my ex-girlfriend for 7 years now. After our last breakup last Thanksgiving (2008), we went our separate ways. I never talked to her for a year, but she would call me every 3 months or so (which I never picked up because I wanted to get over her). However, after finishing college, I decided to move back to California and long and behold she calls me to see if we could meet up. This would probably be the worst mistake of my life. As soon as I saw her, my heart skipped a beat and everything from our past just flashes before me (things like how I love the way she smacks her lips when she talks to me, how she is clumsy etc.) She truly is the love of my life and I've always been convinced since most of my flings always ended badly on my part because I never got over this girl. However, i learned from a friend that she currently has a boyfriend.... She never told me and I had to learn it the hard way from Facebook. I was devastated. I felt like somebody tore me apart and ripped my heart out, stomped on it for a good hour then said, " hey man, thats your heart. You ****er!" I called her a couple days later to talk about it and she never really explained why she didn't tell me, and I asked her why she would call me etc. Basically, she said she is conflicted because she still loves me, but she doesn't know how to get rid of this guy since he's so nice to her. Well, ladies and gents, I personally love this girl but the thought of her loving me but kissing, holding hands, cuddling and sleeping with this ****er doesn't cut it. I know she needs time but I simply went 3 years without dating a girl because I love her too much. I'm conflicted now too. I need some advice. Do I move on or should I understand that she jsut needs some time? Btw, she never calls me that much anymore and she rejects my invitations (I'm guessing its because she spends time with the boyfriend.) Well, any suggestions on your viewpoints would be nice. I usually jump straight to the negative. I'd like it know what you all think

[sienn]

if you truly love her, why did you have the flings ? your words and actions don't match up. if one truly loves, he would not do anything to hurt the person he claims to love.

you have broken up with her twice. why could you not fix it when given a second chance ? why do you now come back when she is about to settle down and wreck the marriage ? for all you know, they could both actually have a good and happy marriage if not for you. you don;t care for her. you care only for yourself. you want to keep her to make yourself feel good. you are selfish and immature.

if you love her, why can't you commit to her ? are you afraid that you could be the one who does the ultimate heartbreaker when you finally leave her when she is in her 50s where she needs you most, but you are only in your 30s ?

it takes 2 hands to clap. love/lust fools deserve the heartbreak and hurt that come with it. it's ultimately our choice, whichever life goes.

[shheadz]

She may not be that happy in her current relationship, and she's playing with the idea of a new guy. It's a bonus to her that she already has some feelings for you, she knows you have feelings for her, and she doesn't have to start from scratch with you.

Honestly I wouldn't do anything here. You could be setting yourself up for a whole new round of heartbreak. Like I said, she may only be playing with the idea of leaving the other guy to be with you. Which means she could end up stringing you along, and nothing will come of it. Except of course more hurt and pain for you.

[chrisy]

Move on with your life - you will love again. C'est la vie.
Acknowledge and accept the love you have for her with the full realization that loving someone doesn't mean that it would be requited or is a sign that your destinies are intertwined. Set your heart free to love another.

It's sad but "c'est la vie."

[kiwibuddy]

Hey Sienn,
Flings (1 actually) came in the periods when we were apart. We dated other people and thats just the process of life. I dated others with the intention of trying to learn about other girls and not just my ex. It was a painful experience when you realize that you are still into your first love than the other girls you have been dating (most of the girls I met were through friends and we had mutual interests so its not like bar hookups and none of the like). Its not that I'm being selfish or possessive. I just wanted to live life to enjoy instead of digging myself a grave when I broke up with her each time.

Also, no marriages going on here. I'm 23 and she is graduating from college. She is not planning to marry anytime soon. She plans to move back to Japan and I plan to pursue my career in medicine. I know as a man that I won't commit to marriage until I know I can provide my fiancee with the monetary assistance to aid us through. Love is guided by sentiments, but reality never meets up with expectations. Be smart, don't be a retard is my logic.

[Carmen]

You may think she is the one but she may not think the same...one of you is wrong. I don't think you're selfish at all for feeling the way you do, maybe she is a little for keeping two guys inlove with her. I don't think there's much u can do- let her know how you feel about her and that you would like to make things work but that if she doesn't you need to know so you can move on for good and give yourself a chance to fall inlove with someone else