An Affair state of mind

[MrLonely]

Hello, I have a long or short story depends on how it goes.

I am currently married and have been for four years and we have one 3 year old daughter but our marriage has always been a "fight" day in, day out we would fight over all the stupid things. And it wasn't fights like any normal couple would have occasionally it was literally pretty much every single day. So I decided that we should start divorce procedures so we can both move on with our lives.

We would fight, make up and than do it all over again an hour later. Well In that time I have lost my job and started a new one not to long ago and I have met this married woman which I ended up befriending and our talks our really great and it feels like I can be my "old" self around her, not having to worry about being an adult 24/7 as with my wife who does not see any fun what so ever (not even a little bit)

Now last week me and this married woman from work ended up kissing (and more, we went all the way and it felt good) But now she recently told me she does not want to fall in love with me, but every time we are together she will hold my hand, lay her head on my shoulder, just give me a random kiss and talk with me about everything (like we are a couple) *side note: She also told me that she does not love her husband she is just with him cause he treats her nice*


She's confusing the crap out of me.. What do you guys think when a person acts like that.

[Primo]

She wants an affair and to keep her marriage together. You want a reason to leave your marriage. Not a good mix, this will probably blow up in everyone's face if you continue.

[MrLonely]

No this affair is not the reason for leaving my marriage in any way just to make that clear. My marriage has been shipwrecked long before I even met this other woman.

In my mind I always thought my marriage will change and get better but it never did.

[Primo]

So why did you embark on this affair? Did you think it will help your already dead marriage?

I can tell you this other woman will never leave her husband, unless like I said it blows up and you end up confronting him and trying to force his hand out of jealousy.

[MrLonely]

No I am not expecting this woman to leave her husband anyway so It's not like I am getting my hopes up. The affair just happened, we started talking one thing led to another and now we are where we are.

I do not want to poke into their marriage anyway to me it's more adding some excitement to my own life. Let's just say she makes me feel like I can just be myself again (With or without her) and it makes me realize what I am also missing in my own personal life and what I was actually looking for, she just makes it a little bit harder acting the way around me the way she is acting.

[misombra]

disgusting.

[Primo]

I understand how you feel and what you're getting out of it (her too). You wondered why she was acting like that, so my first sentence covered it. She wants an affair and to keep her marriage together. She probably gets no emotional or physical satisfaction from her husband anymore and isn't content to live without it, but doesn't want to start her life over with a new man.

I'm not here to judge you, so enjoy it for what it's worth and have fun. Try not to get over involved emotionally (she shouldn't either, but it won't be easy). And most of all, be careful. Lots of men will try to kill you for less than that, if he ever finds out.

[Primo]

disgusting.

"Conservative infidelity statistics estimate that “60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other. If even half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages"

That's the bottom line...

[MrLonely]

Yes I understand that, It's just nice to not be judged for a change. We are not trying to get emotionally involved but like you said it won't be easy but we try for what it's worth.

We are careful and think at least 3 steps ahead of ourselves I am not ready to end up dead yet

[misombra]

"Conservative infidelity statistics estimate that “60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other. If even half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages"

That's the bottom line...

the affair doesn't bother me so much as the fact that they fight every day in with a child. i'm willing to bet the married woman has kids too.

[MrLonely]

Matter of fact she does have kids yes. And the fighting around the kid I know is a terrible thing... I wish it was different. I mean the fighting doesn't escalate to more than just words so I mean there is never anything physical what so ever, that is just plain wrong but our child does get affected by it of course. She's sweet and very cute but when she's mad she fights like she's us and we are trying to change that and that's why a divorce is probably the best thing for our marriage at this point not just for us but for the little one especially.

She's 3 years old now so hopefully we are not way to late to turn it around, if not slowly.

[Gribble]

You should be ashamed that you place your worthless little pecker before your daughter.

Get your priorities straight. You're a father now. Save the marriage if it can be saved. That means buckling down, working with your wife, seeking external help if necessary, making compromises etc, etc. If all else fails, evaluate the situation and determine what's best for the life you chose to bring into this world. And I can promise you running off and having an affair with a married woman is not what's best.

Grow up you selfish idiot.

[qwertz]

Matter of fact she does have kids yes. And the fighting around the kid I know is a terrible thing... I wish it was different. I mean the fighting doesn't escalate to more than just words so I mean there is never anything physical what so ever, that is just plain wrong but our child does get affected by it of course. She's sweet and very cute but when she's mad she fights like she's us and we are trying to change that and that's why a divorce is probably the best thing for our marriage at this point not just for us but for the little one especially.

She's 3 years old now so hopefully we are not way to late to turn it around, if not slowly.

That is one of the most selfish things i have read in a while.

I have been in a situation where i was with my sons father, and we were having huge..and i mean huge, not 'normal' range fights, but i made damned sure we did not fight around our son, or within earshot of him. It was hard to just let things slip by without responding and therefore causing a row, but im a mum first and chose to put my son first.

You have a responsibility to the life you brought into this world. If your marriage cant be worked oput without high conflict, then you separate, quit arguing and put your energy into your daughter before anything else.

[MrLonely]

Wow, I Guess the idiots of life just came out of the closet?! Selfish how? Too choose also for my own happiness?

Plus the fact I never had a say in how my own daughter was raised and now she treats me like she is my second wife. Like I'll say you don't know how even my own daughter treats me (and leave the obvious remarks behind please)

But you know what in the end I have to choose for myself too, sometimes you have to be selfish and it is not like I am running off with this other woman either. If you read the first post than you know that the divorce is NOT because of my affair but because of previous problems.

Fighting is a part of life, it happens in every relationship and everybody who says they do not fight in front of their own child is a liar by heart. And maybe I chose my wording wrong by saying we ALWAYS fight and in front of the child let me rephrase.. We fight.. A Lot! and yes it will happen in front of the child every so often.

We wanted our daughter from the get-go but I am not going to stay in a marriage that is failing because of that because that would be wrong on so many levels too but i'll always be there for my daughter in every way I can. She'll always be my little princess.

[qwertz]

of course you need to be happy too, thats why you should seperate, but you said yourself, your daughter has problems because of your fighting. you should stop the fighting in front of her.

I didnt fight in front of y son, im not a liar, i just chose to put him before my desire to murder his father.