Can't manage to get into a relationship, help! :(

[Jim Halpert]

Hey all,

There's an issue i've been carrying with me for quite a while now.
In the recent period in my life, I just can't allow it to go any further.
I'm 21, and I feel the fact that untill today I never been into a relationship AT ALL, is just WRONG. I've been with 2 girls in my entire life, but as long as it wasn't a relationship, it just doesn't count as far as i'm concerned.
Not to put that aside.. 2 Girls.. not even in a real relationship, by the age of 21.. It's just ridiculous!
My life is really great.. I'm a good looking guy with high qualities, have many good and sophisticated friends surrounding me, many people and my family respect me, and I just opened my own import-export business while at my country, 90% of the people my age don't even think about opening their own business.. And so forth. (If anyone want a picture, you can PM me :p) There's really nothing to do with who I am. By an outside observer, I should have no real problem catching a girl. The real problem is my way of thinking. (Darn you, Brain! -.-)

Everytime I find a girl that I like, automatically it becomes much harder for me. I like very certain type of girls.. and usually those kind of girls give me the feeling that i'm not good enough for them (not because they're top models or something like that.. I really can't explain this phenomenon.. maybe i'm attracted to girls who give me those kind of feelings).
Usually all I do is to think about her and how I wish we could be together as a couple. But then, those evil thoughts burst in, and telling me i'm not good enough for her. That our relationship will not satisfy her, and she'll think i'm boring and not the right guy for her.
I think I might know the cause for those thoughts.. but got no idea how to get rid of them.
Usually most couples, are trying very often to do fun stuff together. Like driving spontaneously on a trip, or going out alot during the week to resturants, movies, parties etc. Trying new stuff together..
And the thing is, i'm not that kind of guy! I'm not looking for new thrillers.. I like my life as it is. Sure I can make a good time, sure I can make her laugh and give her a good time with me.. but I don't REALLY think I can, for some reason..
Maybe i'm just afraid?! As I said.. I never had a girl even waking up beside me in the morning.. I got no idea how it is to live with someone else so close.
Maybe I should just go for it and bear the consequences??

I think i'm also afraid of the competition.. there are so many cool guys out there, much cooler than me.. so I think why should this specific girl be with me and not go to someone cooler who will make her through a better time? I got a close friend who is like this.. everytime I'm with him, and there's a cute girl we're talking to, I always think that he got the upper hand and I should back-off, because she'll probably be much more into him than me.
In addition, I see so often how girls cheat on their boyfriends.. just thinking about this happening to me gives me the chills.

Anyhow, I think what's written is enough to understand the whole situation..

I really will appreciate anyone who comments in order to help.

Thanks in advance.
Ariel.

[Konsig]

My life is really great.. I'm a good looking guy with high qualities, have many good and sophisticated friends surrounding me, many people and my family respect me, and I just opened my own import-export business while at my country, 90% of the people my age don't even think about opening their own business.. And so forth. (If anyone want a picture, you can PM me :p) There's really nothing to do with who I am. By an outside observer, I should have no real problem catching a girl.

You are one lucky guy. You have everything you need, and the only problem is in your mind - but you're smart enough to know it, so you can work on it.

That's what you should focus on. Don't be impressed by the other guys, they're just showing their best sides - when they are alone, they too have their doubts and insecurities, they have their bad moments, their weak spots. They just don't "flaunt" them.

There's plenty of material out there to read to boost your self confidence, from general self-help books, to more specific "dating"-related books.

I myself would advise you to try the latter: read up on dating, and go out and meet girls. You're not looking for a relationship yet, just on being easy and your comfortable self around girls.

If you need advice on specific suggestions, feel free to PM me - I have plenty : )

[Jim Halpert]

Hey Konsig,
Words engraved in stone.

I'm well aware that everyone has his best and his worst. I'm a big believer of "everyone is equal in the end of the day". One will be a good gymnastic, while the other will be an awesome pianist. One won't be able to perform a slam-dunk, while the other couldn't sing.
I know that, and think about it rather alot. Too bad it doesn't make my uncomfort go away when it comes to girls.

I guess all there is to do is just work it out as you said..
I'm not a big fan of "coaching" books. I used to read alot of those kind, yet it seems like everytime while reading I get excited to try those new stuff appeared to me. But that fire fade away pretty fast after finished the reading.
I'm not afraid to try new stuff. But yet again, when it comes to Girls it always been different for me.. Human nature is so weird! -.-

Let me finish these words by a motivational quote I cherish and always try to remember:

" I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. " - Michael Jordan

[Konsig]

I'm not a big fan of "coaching" books. I used to read alot of those kind, yet it seems like everytime while reading I get excited to try those new stuff appeared to me. But that fire fade away pretty fast after finished the reading.

Ok, how about the second part of my advise then? Go out and practice! The advantage of the book would be the excitement (even though if it's just temporary) - girls pick up on that, enthousiastic alive-and-kicking guys are more fun than dull wannabe's.

Do you know what you are looking for on this forum? Some new points of view, a way to get started, some specific advice, someone who can relate, or did you just wanna type it all down? :)

[Jim Halpert]

Well.. To be honest, I wanted to get some advice about my situation..
Like you're just doing right now, which is great!

I look for answers.. new paths.. enlightenment.. anything that will push me through this unwanted situation.