Did I/Do I Love her?

[mrman256]

This is a complicated one guys so hope you can help. Basically I met this girl in my class and after a month or so we started dating which led onto a pretty intense 2 month relationship. We were in the same room pretty much for the whole period.

As I got to know her more I discovered she had many issues that would be horrible for anyone to go through and therefore could get easily stressed.

Anyway she later told me that she had only met me two weeks after splitting from an ex pig (not boyfriend i was told who was with her for a year and generally treated her like crap). in the last couple of weeks he started making angry phone calls at her and her mood went downhill from there. This only added to her stress and a couple of weeks later she broke up with me saying she wasnt ready for a full on relationship and we both decided that the relationship was unhealthy.

The reason I thought it was unhealthy was because during the time we were together i was diagnosed with ocd which to anyone who knows can play havoc on the mind. Ive also read that the part of the brain that produces the 'love feeling' is also related to ocd. I never told her about my ocd because i didnt want to give her any more to deal with.
Now we reach my point. When i was with her I rarely felt that warm glow even though i thought she was absolutely perfect. The ocd can produce the same kind of feeling in the form of anxiety so any butterflies or other feelings i got i tried to shut them out. When I did feel it I would also get a feeling of a hollowness in my stomach. I've been with other girls but I never thought they were comparable to her in any way but i could still get that strong 'love feeling'. Those other relationships did not do anything fo me so it brings me to the question of lust or love. With this girl I could always sense this underlying feeling but could never quite figure it out.

Now she has brokern up with me I am pondering the thought whether I did or could ever love her or whether it was the ocd getting in the way. I never told her I loved her for this reason even though sometimes i wanted to i just couldnt. when she did break up with me i was devasted but i think ive bounced back pretty quickly considering. I dont know she was my first true girlfriend. What do you guys think?

Also shortly after we broke up she got in contact with me after asking if we could be friends. We ended the relationship with mutual feelings and with great respect for each other so i still believe there is a chance we could be together but she is just not ready yet. thats my guess anyway. If there was any chance we could be back together I would take it as i care for her a lot but due to the previous problem I just explained I dont know if it would be fair to either of us if indeed i cant love her and am not one to mess people around. We both got a load on our plate at the moment so i wouldnt even bother suggesting until I got my head cleared of doubt so Im not making any decisions yet. Im on the fence on whether to suggest trying again when I've sorted myself out or whether it would be better to just move on. im so confused. But I need your help so any answers would be greatly appreciated. thanks.

[mrman256]

oh yeah forgot to add near the end of the relationship I felt i was making some positive progress with how i thought about her but then she broke up with me. also before i got ocd i felt that buzz as well. i think this ocd thing has really mucked it up for me i feel that ive lost my best friend to it.

[shheadz]

Jesus.. I had to look at who wrote this, because I thought it was me! You just described the relationship with my ex to a T. It lasted the same amount of time as yours, we were always around each other, she dumped a lot of emotional baggage on me, we started dating a couple weeks after breaking up with he ex that she dated for a year, and he sh*t all over her. Hell, she even tried the "lets be friends" thing on me. Oh, and I thought I was in love with her.

What I've concluded is I didn't really love her, I was just caught up in her. She dumped all of her emotional baggage on me the first week we dated, and I think it was "designed" to get sympathy. She also did a lot of hot things sexually in those first couple weeks, and that was also "designed" to get my attention. She's got very low self-esteem, and I think she sleeps with guys, and tries to get their sympathy as a way of hooking them. She doesn't think she can get guys any other way. I also have my own issues similar to your OCD.

So, back to what I was saying.. No, I wasn't in love with her. She made her issues my problem, and I spent the whole 2 months trying to be her caretaker. The more I tried to help, the more I was caught up in her, and the more "in love" I felt.

Incidentally, trying to help her so much is also what pushed her away, and we broke up. Girls like that act like they want help, but they really don't. They just want attention. Actually, I think she did everything she could to sabotage the relationship, and then wanted to be friends after wards, because she still wanted the attention from me. I'm ignoring her now, because I'm no one's emotional snot rag, and I'm not a chump.

[shheadz]

Oh, one other thing. She's very spoiled, and has to have things her way. Whether it's what song to listen to, or movie to watch, or where to go. I gave into her all the time because she'd literally whine, pout, and cry if she didn't get her way. It's was like dealing with a child. Sometimes it's just easier to give them what they want so they'll shut the hell up. I lost a lot of self respect along the way, and that turned me into a big p*ssy. Being so weak in our relationship contributed those feelings of love. And it's no doubt one of the reasons she stopped being attracted to me, and wanted to remain friends instead.

[mrman256]

Jesus.. I had to look at who wrote this, because I thought it was me! You just described the relationship with my ex to a T. It lasted the same amount of time as yours, we were always around each other, she dumped a lot of emotional baggage on me, we started dating a couple weeks after breaking up with he ex that she dated for a year, and he sh*t all over her. Hell, she even tried the "lets be friends" thing on me. Oh, and I thought I was in love with her.

What I've concluded is I didn't really love her, I was just caught up in her. She dumped all of her emotional baggage on me the first week we dated, and I think it was "designed" to get sympathy. She also did a lot of hot things sexually in those first couple weeks, and that was also "designed" to get my attention. She's got very low self-esteem, and I think she sleeps with guys, and tries to get their sympathy as a way of hooking them. She doesn't think she can get guys any other way. I also have my own issues similar to your OCD.

So, back to what I was saying.. No, I wasn't in love with her. She made her issues my problem, and I spent the whole 2 months trying to be her caretaker. The more I tried to help, the more I was caught up in her, and the more "in love" I felt.

Incidentally, trying to help her so much is also what pushed her away, and we broke up. Girls like that act like they want help, but they really don't. They just want attention. Actually, I think she did everything she could to sabotage the relationship, and then wanted to be friends after wards, because she still wanted the attention from me. I'm ignoring her now, because I'm no one's emotional snot rag, and I'm not a chump.

thanks man. if your ex was the same as mine that would be weird indeed. when you say sabotage i cant help but think sometimes maybe she did, as for dumping her problems on me that was something she wouldnt do. I tried to help but she said i wouldnt understand. also i dont think she was spoilt she always asked if i was okay with her decision and often we disagreed and stuff like a natural couple. however i do think i was too nice sometimes. but overall i still think shes a nice person and deserves good things in life. maybe im looking too deeply into this, but i just want some closure or to continue the relationship. thanks for your answer its greatly appreciated.

[whaywardj]

Are you saying that you don't know where your OCD ends and you begin?

[mrman256]

Are you saying that you don't know where your OCD ends and you begin?

Yes pretty much though i feel like im clawring my way out of the pit a bit more now. Still im still confused after all back in the 1800's ocd was called the doubting sickness. I hate it so much just wish i could think straight for five mins.

[mrman256]

Maybe i just have to learn to love myself before i can love anyone else

[whaywardj]

Are you taking meds?

[mrman256]

no meds at the moment i would rather get to the roots of my problem first if there is any underlying issue and then use meds after to help give me a push