Is it even worthed?

[NoName101]

Hi, there's a woman I still cant get out of my head.
It's been months since we talked and the last time we did it wasn't too good..

I talked about her before:

I met this girl at work. We became good friends for almost a year. She ws older than me. I was 21 she was about 33. I liked her but never told her. Til it was too late. She got pregnant by her ex boyfriend. When I told her she asked why I never told her before. I felt hurt because we were so close. We spent time together. I'd buy her things take her to dinner and we hugged. I told her everything I felt and she was saying "aww".
It was hard but I decided to still stay her close friend since her BF wasnt there for her. Appearently he was a prick. She asked me to please never change. And we're still the same. But later it just became more akward. I still treated her right and helped her out. Still. We both became quiet. She looked upset, and I looked upset. Either my mood upset her, or her mood upset me. Overall we didnt know what each other was thinking. She started feeling embarrased that people might be talking about her. She snapped on me once when rumors were going around that we had sex. She said alot of hurtful things about me and said she'd never F* me and the thought of it was disgusting. We didnt talk for weeks, It later cooled and I came back to the side she worked at. But didnt say anything. Her friend told me she wondered why I was quiet. I later talked to her and we worked things out. I decided to mind my own buisiness. Still stayed friends but werent as close as before. I was soon gonna leave to cali. One day she was crying. I didnt know why. She talked to me later that week. Her boyfriend left bruises on her. I was pissed. She said she was all alone. THe next day she needed money cuz her electricity was shut off. And she was crying. I decided to help her. I hugged her and said she isnt alone. And I gave her more money to help her with food cuz her food went bad. And she hugged me and said I was "her angel". The next week she smiled at me and was happy to see me. But knew I was leaving. She said it felt unreal.
I think this is where the real mistake happened.Prior to that, we decided that I'll always think of her like family. Like a sister cuz she was pregnant by someone else. But I still loved her. But I accepted it that way. I just wanted to help her. Anyway, she asked me what I though she would never ask. She asked if I wanted to have sex. I hesitated. I told her I never did it before. She acted all seductive. Walking away with a grin. Like lauring me. I said ok. She gave me the name of the motel and the time. We kissed and you know the rest.

After that she started changing. She stopped texting me back. She said it was nothing. I later left but my last day she started acting all afraid of people talking about her and me again. I left feeling confused. She never responded. I talked to a friend and said people said she was a user. But I didnt want to believe it. It was hard to believe. She said the text I sent my friend and she told me she read it and was upset. I apologized and sent her so many apologies and wondered why she never said anything to me since I left. I later found she was back with her ex boyfriend. After she told me so many things about him when I slept with her. And even showed me where he worked. One time she even mentioned going to his place while he was away, and "doing it" there. WHich weirded me out. I called her and she was mad and told me to never call her again.

But now I feel hurt and confused. IDK what to think anymore..She even got mad at her friend when her friend showed me the pictures to show how everyone was doing.

The thing is, I talked to her friend and I confessed what happened between us. Her friend was surprised because she was making me out to be some crazy psychopath. She told me everything she said behind my back while I was there. I admitted to being naive. But I didnt know. I promised her I wont tell, but I did tell her friend because I just wanted to know what was going on, and only way for her friend to trust me is to let her know the truth. Otherwise she would not trust me and still think I'm crazy.

I'm hurting over this. I feel alone, and I just wish I had that woman that I loved being with. Last year's holidays were perfect because of her. All I been doing is smoking and drinking since everything went bad. And I'm so untrusting that any attention I get from a girl I cant feel it. I just wish I can talk to her again. I just want to ask why she did this to me? Why she hurt me and on the last minute she asked for help and showed me where she lived where her boyfriend works and told me she would always call me if she needed help. She said she didnt want me to leave because if I did who would help her?
I wasnt sure what the right thing to do was. I'm stuck here right now because it's hard to find a good job. I had a great job before I left, and hoped to find a similar one(dental assistant). But right now I'm just dealing with so much depression and stress and I feel like if I could make amends with this girl, it would be a big weight off my shoulders.

[shheadz]

Guy.. You're being a chump. You've been played. She used you for emotional support, money, and even sex, and was embarrassed that anyone at work would think you're together. Then she bad mouthed you to anyone within ear shot. Have some self respect brother.. there's no reason in hell you should want that girl in your life.

[Heratriumphant]

Some people are just nasty, sadly they don't wear "hi, I'm an asshole user" name tags.

You need to accept that the woman you fell for doesn't exist, she's an illusion, a mask, a fantasy.

The real woman underneth is an ugly piece of work, if you allow yourself to see her as she really is I think you find you feel nothing for her but anger and disdain.

[NoName101]

Some people are just nasty, sadly they don't wear "hi, I'm an asshole user" name tags.

You need to accept that the woman you fell for doesn't exist, she's an illusion, a mask, a fantasy.

The real woman underneth is an ugly piece of work, if you allow yourself to see her as she really is I think you find you feel nothing for her but anger and disdain.

I know. It's hard. I wish I could have brought all this to her. The truth of what I'm feeling. And what she put me through.

I was feeling so guilty for leaving. Because she was being abused. And all I wanted to know was after 4 years of dealing with that bullshit why did she end up pregnant? I was there for her, and she made me feel so good.

If she wanted me to move on, she could have told me instead of dogging me like that.

[shheadz]

If she wanted me to move on, she could have told me instead of dogging me like that.

I don't know why you'd expect that. Nothing about the way she treated you the whole time you've known each other suggests she's thinking about your feelings. She's a b*tch, and she chooses to stay with a physically abusive guy. You can't help people like that.

[NoName101]

Her friend that I confessed to told our boss. She use to complain lot to him about me and how crazy I was and about her ex. He was upset about her making me out to be crazy. He came up to her and brought it up.from what her friend told me, she got all upset and yelled "why do you bring him up?eww! I'd never **** him! Eww! She even denied me ever helping her. Her friend tells me she has a different view of her now. Its so crazy. She use to always be so afraid to be looking like a user. I don't understand her.