its long so if u have time its a good read...its my first love...the time line is from 2000-2009

so start out i am in middle school had crushes... alot of bad expieriences with girls my age... so i told myself i would only go for older from here on... i also liked older women for a long time since i was with a friend of my moms... even had a relationship with my homeboys mom... nothing meaningful tho... was also molested by older woman(family member, only reason i say this here is because i know nobody knows me hehe) too... i felt that she cared about me but it was something else to her... i know but on with the story..

i went to 4 high schools... since the incident in 7th grade i was scarred i couldn't talk to anybody i was so afraid i would get taken advantage of(iknow i am lame)... so onto too my 3rd school i take a class with my bigger little brother... we did everything together... anyways so this class is mixed... with 11th graders... i see (not meet) this girl that looks like any ordinary pretty girl... but she was far from it... so we get a seating chart and just my luck she sits across from me... even better her friend sits across too(she talks alot)... so i have plenty of oppurtunity to talk with her... after awhile talking with both of them i start to really fall for her(i fall pretty easy).... but i dont mind it too much...she has a man in her life right now...

Her man is in a gang so i could relate since i know about that type of stuff(family not me though)... so i did what i thought i never do... i started to get active in ganglife again.. just for her... she eventually breaks up with her boyfriend... hehe one day i recall i came to school and i was drunk and just smoked a newport... we got to talking about it since she can obviously smell it...haha... so i get a chance to hang out with her... at this time i am still doing the gang thing so i hang out with her at a place with her friends(she was in a different gang that was clicked with my neigghborhood).. by no means is she trashy or slutty though... a very classy down to earth girl... we hook after a couple weeks later... she is too much...

the way i felt about her was she was the ONE... haha really though we thought the same... we were both i guess you can say tough but also were soft and really good people depending on how you came at us(sidenote i seen her fight WOW)...we even go to gang parties and drink and smoke together... but like always i start to get bored since i know so much about her(she probably felt the same about me)... anyways we end up splitting up after stupid things(can't say it here but yeah)... so i stop this gang thing and smoking weed completely and we go separate ways...

after this it really killed me since i realized that these other girls are nothing like her and noone ever will be on her level to me... so i start messing up with school and going back to the ganglife... i wasn't a gangster though... you can say that i used it as an escape from thinking about her... i can't get her out of my mind i would write poetry about her too... so i would do crazy things i'd never have the balls to do... so this goes for the next two years and i graduate luckily from this continuation school...

so i start working and slanging drugs on the side... but after my cousin gets locked up i stop slanging... even worse is i here news that she also got locked up... it hurts me alot too since i feel i brought that on her... so i stop caring about work and get fired so my mom sends me to my birthplace (phillipines)... its a nice vacation people treat good lots of family and other women... i spent my time drinking alot and juggling 4 girls... none of which i care about since i still love my first girl... haha hmmp

and thats where im at currently... i still keep in touch with 2 of the girls from (the other country) but they are in relationships now... reason why i say this long story is because i had and i think still have a broken heart... everytime i hear certain songs i feel its about us(meet me halfway is me and her to a T)... its painful but i feel so alive at the same time... even worse is i still dream about her... not in a sexual way but dreams(listen to sweet dreams by beyonce hehe ) that we are together and that the gangs are behind us... but i like to think of it as a happy ending since without her i would have just stayed that quiet kid in class with a hatred and fear towards people since i was molested... she really changed me and its beautiful... without her i would have never been thru so many thing(lost my virginity, countless functions, she was even there when i got locked up such a sweety hehe).... i still miss her but im working on moving on in my life...

from a momma's boy to a gang member to a more mature man with more expieriences and knowledge ..


PS I KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE USING THERE FIRST LOVE AS THERE PASSWORD