Attention Lovers!!!!!!!!!Dont Betray anybody in love!Plz help me

[baranapas]

I'm a guy who is presently living in a city alone in india.When i was13 years old I was joined in a polytechnic and stayed in my grandfathers' home.Yes, my cousin (daughter of my moms' sister) had came to stay in our grandpas' home to continue her schooling in that small town.The relationship was not good between us previously,as we don't like each other and often used to fight.As the days progressed i liked her very much and found her other side which make me to become more attachable to her.we together spend more time and understood each other and everything was fine and day by day we love each other and get closed.

one night i saw her doing something ,i even don't know whether it is a dream or real thing happened.I was confused.I was not fine for more than two weeks at that time.At last i came to conclusion that nothing should take her away from me even the sex.so,I planned to test her whether things happened was true or not!Another night i did one stupid thing which she resisted and i was ashamed that my thought was wrong and she was not like that person.she cried which make me to cry becoz i love her more than anything and i have no intention to have sex wit her.i love her kindess and not her body.She cried a lot,i apologized for what i did and begged her to accept my apologize and to have the same kind of relationship what we have earlier.She accepted me and show her care like before.She shared this information with her close friend who is studying with her.Soon we came more close to each other and this makes even more closer and we started to have sex.But really we was not attrac ted by our body or anything,both of us love each other.

2 years went,My cousin schoolings was over.She went to singapore after her higher studies.And i also got news about my cousin only from her friend,so i started to meet her in another town where she was studying her college.I travelled three hours to meet her once in a month.whenever her friend came close to me ,i was guilty and avoid her.After the fight,i went to visit her after 2 months.There i shocked ,she throwed my gift and introduced her boyfriend to me.What a painful moment that was?her new boyfriend threatened me not to see her anymore.I realised that my cousin voluntarily came to me and asked me to love her by saying that we three of us can live together.I was ashamed and shocked by that incident and realised no body will there for me except my cousin.

Later i came to know my cousin know everthing about her friend and she also planned with her.That was her tit for tat.i daily rang up my cousin and begged.i even went for a daily wages job during my semester holidays to earn money to speak with her.because ISD calls were very expensive at that time.

Some how she also came back to me She promised me that she wil b with me forever.i trusted her becoz I loved her and need her back in my life.i was really happy at dat moment.i studied my engg in d same town from my grandpas home.i left many good colleges and studied there becoz of her.then I managed to study,she showed me d same care and affection with her love.we talked over d phone everyday.she asked me to marry her and even asked for a child.she too loves me a lot.i managed to complete my engg.

My cousin asked me to come to singapore by finding a job.i joined mba becoz of her..after 4yrs my cousin visited india.i saw her after four years,she felt sory and assured to b with me al her life.v spend and have gr8 memories of dat time.she confessed dat she wants me and wont gve me to anyone.v shared gr8 moments.during her visit, her frnd who throwed me came to meet her and also felt sorry for what she did.she asked me to love her but I rejected her becoz of d pain dat hurts even today.my cousin went back to singapore after her sister marriage.This was the last time we had sex.v lived happily and msd each other every sec.i did mba for her.v chat everyday and send sms.v lived like a husbnd and wife.she sent me several mails asking me to marry her.one day I found all her mails in my inbox was dlted by her.i asked her she compromised me.v had several fights and it wont continue for a day.this is how v lived for each other.normaly v fight due to her boy frnds from school days.

lastly v had a fight due to a guy.for a week she hadnt called me.all of sudden she called me during d 1st week of april 2009 and asked me to marry her frnd who loved me in d past.then v had fight ,she didnt called me.her frnd callf me and made revenge that she wil take my cousin off from my life and make me alone.i waited for my cousins' phone cal but she didnt cal me for a week.then I called her she shouted me and again asked me to leave her.i am wordless,for this i'm wasting al my life for her.i left my job becoz I cnt do anything.i lost almost 15kgs since from april.i cnt live without her.

i went and stayed in singapore there for 10days in her home.she insulted me like anything.she treated me like a beggar.this time no sex nothing.she huged me but I avoid dat.tis time she had a new boy frnd with for whom she is helping for his project.before march she wil tel everything even about her friends.but she hadnt tel anytng about him.i was shocked when I met in her home.at last she assured to be with me with so many conditions like no sexual relationship and all.i agreed all becoz I loved her for care and affection.i cant even imagine my life without her.then I returned to india with faith that she wil be for me.she asked me to study an IT course.But i cant do the second level becoz i have no money.

i joined but she react in d same way by avoiding my cals,sms,mails.i hav nothing,i cnt alive.i'm jobless,anyhow managed to get a loan from bnk and again went to singapore and stayed in hotel.first day she shouted at me.next two days v again talked and she agreed to b with me with same conditions .This time I trusted her and returned.

but she never kept her words.i cant live without her.again she asked me to leave her and avoid my cals.Again I went to singapore by borrowing money,swiped my credit crd.i went to her college,she insulted me over phone and made me to roam singapore by saying that I was here there.at last I found her after her clas around 10.30pm with her boy frnd.she came to me,i asked her that r u in love with him?she replied yes to irritate me and left me alone and went with her boy frnd.her boy frnd knows me well.for dis I had visited there for 3rd time by borrowing mny without a job.for this i'm living in this world.the girl who asked me to marry left me alone in d street and went along with her boy frnd.on d second day,i was in her street until d next day she comes out of her home for her clas.i even didnt slept and stayed in d street.next day she preached like a human being by assuming me d worst being in dis world.she scolded me dat she didnt live for me.she was with me only for my welfare,and asked me to leave her.how can I leave her?i waited until she finish her clas,then she came and promised me to b with me for al my life.stil .

She came to India and told at d airport dat she missed me a lot.i too missed her.two days gone,her memories make me to decide one more trip to singapore.i went to singapore on 15th sep'09 to talk with her finally about our future life.I met her on the first day and we together went to her school for her class.she fought with me for my visit while travelling and went for her class.i waited until her classes were over at 10.30pm.She came and saw a cigarette pack and went off from me.I begged her to come with me to her home.she called her boy friend and asked him to wait at mrt.they both went together in front of my eyes,that even hurts me a lot.I often asked her why u r avoiding me and in close touch with ur friend,r u loving him.She told that she was loving him.I know she replied like that only to irrritate me.There is nobody in her heart than me.She never do this to me.she is just a friend to him and helping him for his project and geting helped from him for her project as they are classmates..Her friend went off at some station and she joined with me and told that she wont be with me forever.She asked me to leave her and from her life.I dont know proper english,i cant explain the pain which i felt on that day and even now.She told that she lied to me for all these 6 months and not have intention to be with me and to have this kind of relationship.She told that she did things only for my goodness.

I asked her what is the reason and why u r doing like this and this is my fourth trip and now u r saying that u lied to me?she relied that she went for an counseling where she got the decision to leave me.She also asked me to go for a counseling.

I spent all my life but within 30 mins of time of counseling she changed.For this i left all my things in life, i even prevent myself to mingle with girls.I don't have any girl friends.I voluntarily lived in that way becoz i loved her so much.what would u do if u r in this situation.I put all the money from all the sources.I borrowed money against my gold chain,ring and bike to see her.I also sold my old computers in my home.with this i went to see her,but she is saying like that.i have no job,borrowed loan from bank for my second visit,swiped all my credit cards for 3 rd visit.I am having debt for 2,00,000 Indian rupees which i got for my four visits to see her.I was roamed like a street dog in Singapore and stayed for two nights in roads,car parking etc.She firmly told me to leave me.I begged her more than a begger but she refused me.

She promised that she wont marry anybody and stay alone and going to look after her carrer.But her parents are looking for a guy to marry her.I ran and begged all the way to her home.She replied go idiot or i will call police and also siad she is going to marry her friend.

For this i spend all my life.I had ambitions like everyone but all of sudden everything changed.I lived for her every moment.Now she is behaving in such a manner.i returned home with crying.I hav nothing to live.My mom and sister is having huge epectations from me,but i cant do anything.Her memories ruled me out from everything.the memories both good memories as well as the insulted momemts and her wordings are killing me every sec.

I decided to kill myself.I bought sleeping pills and planned to take at night.I sent sevral msgs to her,called her she ignored all my calls.Around 7 pm she texted that she wont marry anybody as she promised on that day and asked me to search for a job.I changed my decision of taking pillls at that night.
Her parents are looking for a guy to marry her.I dont know what is in her mind,Every sec is killing me.The pain is more than the death.I cant live without her.

If i need a girl ,why should i spend all this money,life,even this sec.I truly love her,not her body.Yes,We lived like husband and wife all through the years.now she changed but i cant.Now i hav nothing except her memories and wounds.
I dont even have a 100 rupees for me to take my lunch,no good clothes for interview,all the money lenders are kicking me to give their money.I cant divert me,I'm in decision to kill myself one day if she failed to keep her words by marrying anybody.I cant even imagine a man with her,it painss..becoz we lived like husband and wife.Will anybody give his wife or husband to anybody?i cant even imagine the life of me and her after that.Certainly will sucide oneday if she gets married and from there no point of reason for me to live in this world.But now i am hearing news about grooms they have seen for her everyday,that hurts me a lot.I will be off from this world within a year or two.for these remainig life i have decided to help my mom and sister by giving money who is away in my hometown.My mother spent all her money for my studies.But those news related to grooms for her make me to die instantly.Anybody who loves his girl will laeve ur girl to anybody and starting life for them.do u tolerate ur girl is being touched by another guy and have sex with her all life time?I too an human ,how can i tolerate this by giving her to anyone.I'm with pain more than anything.One day after my death if she would see this post,she will understand me.I love her morethan anything, i want to prove her by giving my life.I am satisfied with that sec she remember me and she understands my love and will feel about her words what she had spoken to me lastly.

Thanx for you who has so much of patience to read this.I dont know what u feel about me and my love but i loved her like evrybody like u and all.Love is same for all but i loved her more than anybody.I want alll this to be end by ending my life!Its paining me every sec.She is pretty girl everybody will love her for her care and affection.She often gets anger if anybody says or finds faults on her.but really a good person.I cant explain and i am struggling with english and my pain.

Things hd gone more wild after my last unexpected trip to singapore on oct 17 to nov 5th.This time my cousins elder sister booked the tickets for me to study solaris course.I went and found that she is not having any interest to remain with me.she also scared me by saying that she is going to tell everything to her mom.I saw some fear and tension on her face when my elder cousin took my passport and mobile.anyhow i managed to take things without giving any time to see my mobile and passport.She asked me to leave singapore on next day itself in order to prevent any problems due to passport.I trusted her and came back to India.

Even after,she avoided my calls sms,mails.she told that she wont be there for me any long.After this i tried 3 suicide attempts,but i was saved in hospital all the time.Everyone is thinking that i am doing like this becaoz of my debts,unemployment and some mental problems.But sheknows everything and is remaining like a stranger.She even didnt care about all this ,and asking me to leave her.She is insulting me evrytime.For this, I have been living and doimg all the things for 10 years?i"m helpless!

Now i'm left with unemployment,debts,mental problems,irritations,health problems due to sleeping pills and so on.

I'm giving my life to make u understand that i loved u more than anything and not for sex or anything.I spent all my life for u and the remaining is my breath which i'm giving for u if u marry anybody.I'm sorry for all the things which hurts u a lot and make u to go out of my life.The decision which u took is all for ur good and thats ur life.The decision which i took to leave this world on ur wedding day is all mines and this is my life.I wont scold u kutima , all i 'm saying is that love u morethan anything.Lots of kisses to u!Love u more than anything!

I request everybody to marry the same girl whom u love.Dont reject anybody,the pain is un tolerable if ur loved ones were rejected by their loved ones.Keep ur words with ur loved ones.Thanks to every one.

[irrelevant_89]

Oh dear god... don't just kill yourself, it's not worth it...

er... folks? Isn't there any way to stop the guy from doing this?
Silly question, this is the internet... argh!

[Junket]

India is overpopulated, anyway.