Time to leave or should I stay?

[AwesomeW1n]

Hey everyone, I've got a problem that I really need some advice for. In short, I need to figure out if it would be a wise and good decision to leave the girl I've been dating 2 years or not.

So here's my situation.

Me and the girl I'm dating have been getting into fights almost every day for the past year (we've been dating for two) and it has gotten particularly bad this last month or two. She has some depression issues and I am a naturally happy person, and accordingly, it is mostly her who has most of the issues and starts the fights. She has also been pushing me along in this relationship much faster than I'd like, and is trying to force me to move in with her and essentially become engaged. We are only halfway through college and I just don't feel ready for all that yet.

Throughout most of our relationship, it feels like she has had this ideal image of the kind of person she wants me to be. She has been trying to stop me from doing things that I've liked to do and that interest me. Things which have been a part of who I am. Consequently, this (and her neediness) has somewhat disconnected me from some of my friends of which I can relate to. It feels like she doesn't love me for who I am, and instead wants to change me to be someone she wants me to be.

There is a ton of other things that she has been doing which has been frustrating me, anything from nagging, to getting mad at me for pointless trivial things, snooping through my emails (even though I have nothing to hide), and being disrespectful to me in general. Honestly, I can't say I'm the perfect boyfriend either, I have my flaws, but I do not do all these things and act the way she does.

Lately I have been swamped with stress and frustration from all of this, and over the last few months I have been increasingly feeling that this all isn't right and that I need to leave her. She seems to be making me more unhappy than happy now, and this relationship is starting to not feel right anymore. I feel trapped and not very free either. The strange thing is, every once in a while, especially after fights, she will actually say to me that I don't really make her happy anymore and that she 'doesn't know why she's still keeping me around'. I can see that I don't make her very happy anymore, and I know that a large part of it is because I am not being the kind of person she wants me to be and that I can't give her everything she wants from me (especially 'growing up' faster than normal , moving out, getting extra serious, etc.).

So, is my inner feeling right that this relationship has become unhealthy and unhappy for the both of us and that we need to split? Or am I not giving her enough? Or do we just need to sort things out? What do I do? I know that we should probably break up, and I have a feeling that she has felt the same way (at times), but she seems to be more obsessive about the relationship. How do I go about leaving her when it still feels at times like there's still love holding us together? Is that enough, or is it not worth it? Is this kind of girl worth staying for?

Hopefully I've provided enough details to help. Please let me know if I should add anything or if it is clear enough. I really hope some of you here can help me with my problem, I really need it!

Help!

[cmacattack1]

Right when I read the subject title, I knew that you should probably pick with leaving her. After actually reading it, I can say that leaving her is probably the best option for the both of you. It's sad that you felt the need to let things go in your life to keep her happy, maybe that was a choice you wanted to make but I hope you aren't holding that against her.

She has some issues as you said and as long as you guys continue to date, she is still going to have those issues because she has you as that crutch to support her. A split would definately be good because you would be able to focus more on what makes you happy and it would give her time to get her life together. It's not an easy decision, but it's one you have been thinking about for a while now and the situation hasn't improved when you wanted to work on things (I'm guessing you have tried that route already).

You will want to split as soon as possible because the longer you hold out, the more you will be hurt and the more resentment you are going to have. The problem with that is how to go about it. There is a very fine line between being an insensitive asshole and doing it right and every girl and situation is different. I wouldn't say I'm an expert by any means but the bottom line of what to tell her is that you guys are clearly not happy with each other and need this time apart to find yourselves again (i.e. you do the things you like and she gets to work on her issues). Also, letting her know that moving in and what not is a big step and it isn't something you could see you two doing right now anyway because with how it is, it would be a disaster. You both have made mistakes, you both have faults and if you guys aren't enjoying each other's company, what is the point of being together?

I'm guessing no matter how long it's been going bad, she will still probably be caught completely off guard and it will send her on a hard downward spiral of hating you, hating herself and everything. As long as you can do this without raising your voice and taking cheap shots, it will be alright. The problem is that she might feel panic and try to talk her way back into it or try to contact you after the break up. Maybe she will ask you if you still care about her, make you feel guilty, pity. etc. Kindly remind her that things are not working out currently and you both need this space apart and hopefully she will get the message. No contact rule sucks but it's what needs to be done.

Go back out and do the things you like. Date a couple people if you feel like it. But some serious space is going to be needed and I'm not talking a week or two. I'm thinking more along the lines of three - six months minimum. Don't tell her that there is a time limit though. And that's three to six if she is self aware of what's going on with her and she is making a conscious effort to help fix what's going on in her life and make changes to better herself. Too often, and it's much easier for girls, to find somebody else to cushion the blow and be satisfied with how they are currently when they clearly have alot of work to do.

Like I said, it's not going to be easy seeing as how you could lose her in the process. But you now it's necessary and whether it works out with her or somebody else, you don't need her to be happy. You want her because she makes you more happy, and right now that isn't the case.