another break up story?

[xyoungeternityx]

Me and my boyfriend have just finished and although it happened a few days ago, it's just hit me now what has actually happened.

Before me, he was in a long distance relationship with a girl for three years and she broke it off with him. He met me a few months later. He was very open about what happened and because of this, I wasn't really uncomfortable with him mentioning their break up because he seemed over it.

Everything was fine up until a few weeks ago when he suddenly became really down and not as fun as he used to be. Though we'd still see each other as normal, just one minute he was fine and the next he'd seem down. Whenever I'd ask him about what was wrong, he'd say everything was fine and he was happy and then question whether I was. I wasn't convinced though and realised that I thought maybe he wasn't really over his ex all along and I just didnt want to acknowledge it.

Nothing really changed so I asked him again when I was at his house and he finally admitted that he'd been 'finding things difficult' but was happy and would deal with it.

I knew this meant he wasn't over her even if he didnt say in so many words. Things still remained the same.

I had all these ideas of why he was with me in my head that had been driving me crazy about how maybe I was just his rebound, and he wanted to just return the point he was at with his ex before he finished with him, becuase we moved pretty fast and he was saying how he was falling for me after 3 weeks of meeting. I think I was just caught up in the romance of it all.

I decided to say something last wednesday and he told me that its noting like that and aplogised for how he's been. Although I felt like a huge weight has been lifted and everything I was thinking was out in the open, I still felt down, even though he was acting normal the next day, texting at work etc.

His plans for new years had fell through and there were no more tickets left for the place I was going, so he asked if I wanted to meet up beforehand but because I wasn't convinced about what he had said the night before, I said no because things weren't sorted and I knew I'd be thinking about him all night and not enjoying my night out with my friends. He asked if things were okay between us but I think we both knew they were not.

Just before I was about to go out, he texted me saying I was right about his feeling for his ex but that I was helping him get over her and how much he cares for me etc, and that he is sorry for making me feel so bad.

My night was ruined already. I didn't text back until 12 midnight after he text me 'happy new year' ironically. the next thing my mum calls saying he has turned up at my house cos he thought I'd be back home. We talked at mine and he kept saying how he wanted to be with me and didn't want things to end but I kept saying that he shouldnt be with someone if he isn't over someone else.

The next day he agreed that we wouldn't work at this time but he stills texts me and mentions about if I ever want him, he's there and about if I ever want to meet up for drinks or cinema, then he's always free.
For the past two days its been like this and I'm so confused because I don't want things to end and Ive been so down about it.

As silly as it sounds, it was only today that I realised we're really over when he changed his relationship status to single on facebook. It just didnt seem right, but he still text me afterwards all normal.

Im glad I brought everything up and I feel like we've both been open about everything now, at least I hope he has, and I only thought giving him space and ending things was the right thing to do cos I don't want to be a replacement or second best, even though he insists I'm not.
I don't wanna be all gullible but I feel even worse now than I did thinking all those things.

It doesnt feel like the end but then again I'm all confused and unsure. I can't talk to my friends cos they're all mad at him for making me leave nye early cos he just turned up at my house so out of the blue. They say I should just ignore his texts and calls for a few days and he'll realise how much he misses me and needs me and that'll make him get over his ex quicker too. But I don't wanna play mind games.
I feel like everything apart from this was perfect with us.

I was hoping anyone might have any ideas about what I should do?. I'm rubbish at this stuff.
Sorry for the massive essay.
xxxx

[michaelarwas]

If you really care about him, just wait for a bit. I know how much it hurts, just wait dont reply to his texts etc and see if he comes back for you. To be honest it sounds like he will, i think you guys will be ok.

[shheadz]

Okay, let me get this straight. You knew in your heart before his admission that he was still getting over his ex. Yet when he finally decides to be open and honest about it -- no doubt a difficult thing for him to do -- you ditch him?

[chump4u]

But I don't wanna play mind games.
I feel like everything apart from this was perfect with us.

You "don't wanna play mind games." Yet, your whole "relationship" with this poor sap was one long mind game you played on him.

And now you're wondering if you should slap him around some more?

Do the decent thing, and keep away from him. Maybe he'll recover in time.

[IncognitoSir]

This guy really cares about you, and yeah, he's still getting over his ex but who is he with? You. Who is he chasing? Who does he text and call and want? You. Seriously, everything isnt always as easy as pie, I think you need to rethink the way you handled the situation. You made no mention of him contacting his ex or talking about her etc. That means he's totaly into YOU! He even admitted to you his problem getting over his ex to you. I hope you realize how hard that would be for someone to do.

[cmacattack1]

I'm not defending the OP's actions but I don't think she is the one that should be getting the brunt of the blame here. We shouldn't even be playing the blame game at all.

It's only natural that you want to inquire into why things are different and why he is acting so distant. You care about him and you want to know what's up. I wouldn't push or prod though, he'll be ready to talk about it with time.

It seems he has alot of issues. I see alot of myself in him as I've had some issues and I became withdrawn from my girlfriend at the time. Unfortunately, she wasn't very secure with herself and took it personally and agonized over how she was doing something wrong even though I told her it wasn't her fault. At the end of everything, she harbored so much anger that she was done with me. Of course, when everything was on the line, all my baggage came pouring out but we were too upset at each other and the damage had been done, and I ultimately made things worse.

Bottom line, giving him some space is the best thing to do right now. So he can sort out his issues and figure out what's important to him. Unless I read it wrong, he ended things with you right? It will be up to him to try and come back and make everything right. This unfortunately isn't something that can be resolved with a few days of being apart and talking inbetween. This needs to be some serious and lengthy time apart, no contact either. I know it's as harsh as it sounds seeing as how he's in so much pain, but it must be done to figure things out on his own. He's become a drag as it was seen with New Years, and the more you let him hang around, the more his behavior is going to bring you down too. And that will not help you work things out in the future as you will lose your attraction to him. You have lost some already.

[lhn]

I agree with cmacattack1. There is no need to play a blame game here.

The way I see it is he has finally been open & honest about his issues. Just because he has these issues doesn't mean things can't work out between you both. I can however, see why you are concerned and I can sympathise.
Like what has already been said, whats wrong with some space right now?
The bonus of space right now is that you aren't simply related to helping him get over his ex. You deserve your own relationship with him in it's own right. The only way for that to happen is for him to seal his past behind him and when he is better, then you guys enjoy your own relationship.

[shheadz]

I'm sure you're both right, but I'm stilling filing this under "Women are just nuts".