Should your past matter?

[gah5037]

I've been dating this girl for 2 months now.. She just happened to hear from a friend about girl that I had relations with before her. Needless to say she got pretty upset at me and is still getting over it. I'm not sure what I should do? I mean my girlfriend is still a virgin and I'm not. So I guess you could say I have more of a past... Is she right for being upset?

[Coco]

No. She's not right for being upset. She's just a bit insecure.

[QueenofCorona]

Well you guys have only been together 2 months, you aren't obligated to have to tell her everything right away. It would be one thing if you'd murdered someone but you hooked up and it doesn't sound like you are a manwhore, if she can't get past it maybe you are with the wrong girl.

[TheWizard]

I've been dating this girl for 2 months now.. She just happened to hear from a friend about girl that I had relations with before her. Needless to say she got pretty upset at me and is still getting over it. I'm not sure what I should do? I mean my girlfriend is still a virgin and I'm not. So I guess you could say I have more of a past... Is she right for being upset?

I'm going to go ahead and guess that's the issue. It's different if you guys are talking about the past and can air it in the open. When it's found out by a third party it's dirtier, the facts are often wrong, and there is a lot of room fro speculation.

Just be open and tell her you're comfortable talking to her about it now because you've moved on and are with her now. She's just feeling a little insecure - but finding out the way she did doesn't help.

[lahnnabell]

Wizard is right. It sucks to find out from someone who doesn't have all the facts straight. My boyfriend used to be a bit of a man-whore back in the day, but he's cool talking about it and letting me ask questions. Besides, I was certainly no saint myself!

Everyone has a past.

[Spades_]

to piggy back of this thread, how much does being a man-whore affect a woman's decision in choosing a committed partner? and at what point do you classify him as such? Or does it not matter at all if he says that he'll change and that he's ready to settle down?

[lahnnabell]

Depends on the woman and depends on how upfront he is about his past. You don't have to disclose every single detail in the beginning. It is slightly different with my boyfriend since he's still got a few ex-girlfriends that try to contact him from time to time, and he's constantly getting hit on. But since we began dating last August he's made me his no. 1 priority, so I've never had a reason to think I wasn't satisfying him.

My boyfriend is also a self-admitted manwhore. I've had my slutty moments too. We are both each others' priorities though and that's what matters.

[Gigabitch]

For me, the past isn't a big deal as long as he's up front about it.

[jinx343]

you're asking if does she have the right to be upset?

it might just have been about 2 months only but we all have the right to be upset in situations like this and it's a normal reaction (i think) if it's towards the person we care about and has started to trust. mature people usually get over these things easily but people who are new in the so-called relationship (and by new, i mean people who are still in the "ideal relationship" mode) would find it hard to deal with.

it might come off as insecurity but come on... she learned all about that from another person and oftentimes, details get exaggerated (and the gf's imagination gets into overdrive)...

In my opinion, when the timing is right and she's ready you should just talk it over with her. explain to her something like, you're sorry she heard that from somebody but that it's still very early in your relationship and you don't think it's the right time to be digging or sharing deep or intimate pasts with each other yet esp not-so-good ones. but eventually you would've told her about it (or wouldn't you?) :-D

maybe from then on, you should just be upfront with everything else if you really want to be honest with her and gain back her trust completely.. and "if" you really want the relationship to work.

best of luck!

[girl68]

This ALWAYS happens with virgins and anyone minimal sexual experience.

Yeah she can be upset. Console her. The past stays there, and there's nothing you can do about it now. You're with her, you choose her, and you're staying with her. After that she needs to just get over it. If you can talk about it do so, but DO NOT SHARE DETAILS.

I can promise you that this girl can't handle details. If you answer all her questions (should she ask) you're dead meat. The questions that you shall never, ever answer would be questions like:
-where did you do it?
-what positions did you do?
-did you like it?
-who was she? (void -since she knows who already)
-what did she look like? (void -since she knows who already)
-was she hot? (void -since she knows who already)
etc...
questions you may answer
-did you use protection?
-were you tested?

This goes for future conversations too. I know from experience that a guy with a past who gets with a girl with none that it is okay to share some info, but going into details is the WORST thing you could possibly do. It will NOT ease her mind, despite any claims she may make.

[Moe]

At there young age It's kind of like most have said.
Being a little older I have changed my thinking some. When I meet women I never cared much about there past, they weren't with me so I didn't care what they did. I sure was no angel not with my ex but in life in general.
But after the last one I may hire a P.I. with the next relationship I get in.
When you find out afterward they were married 4 times some as short a 4-5 week and longest only 18 months you change your mind. And she's only 35 with three kids.
So many people now come up and tell me stories about her I want to puke. So far most have been true.
So in my humble opinion past do matter.