question: masturbation vs. sex

[Mallory]

when someone masturbates he/she will get used to the stimulus of the own hand right/and also the imagination/pictures?

Now do you all think it does have a bad effect on the sexlife if someone masturbates while watching porn more often than having sex with their partner? Any experiences?

It might be the case in my relationship and it looks like the libido of my boyfriend is decreasing. (sex about once a week)

[qwertz]

yes, he should be having sex with you, not his hand.

[shheadz]

This is a yes and no answer. First off, porn has nothing to do with it. I've read your other posts, and you see to bring that up with every response like you're trying to pin your sex life problems on porn.

when someone masturbates he/she will get used to the stimulus of the own hand right/and also the imagination/pictures?

That really doesn't apply to your relationship. A single guy that's been masturbating for a long time can have a difficult time getting back into the swing of things with a new woman. He may have trouble getting/keeping an erection, or cumming. But that doesn't seem to be the problem in your sex life.

It might be the case in my relationship and it looks like the libido of my boyfriend is decreasing.

Does masturbation decrease libido? No. But of course your guy might not want real sex if he just had self-sex a little while ago.

In the end, masturbation has about as much in common with sex, as a cracker does with a three course meal. It can tide you over, or relieve a little stress, but if a guy has a real woman to have sex with he will.

[Neo(n)]

Have you ever concidered your guy might be addicted to masturbation??

if a guy has done it a lot before, it is very hard to stop completely, it can be like trying stopping smoking. If a guy is used to masturbating each morning, if he goes without he can become really aggitated as he needs his daily relief, and im guessing your not going to be willing to have sex every morning and every night maybe, but i don't know.

I suggest talking to him about it in a calm way, to see how he feels about masturbation and why he's doing it so much.

[lahnnabell]

Ideally, people in a relationship will be having sex regularly. This does not mean either person cannot masturbate, but when one is forgoing sex or being intimate with their partner, it can be a problem.

Sometimes this is a case of mismatched sexual compatibility. In your case Mallory, it sounds like a slump, or depression compounded by the fact that you want sex more often than he does. He may be feeling inadequate. You desire that he desires you, but he simply doesn't desire you at the moment, right?

As others have said, doing self-less acts of sex and love are crucial here. You are expecting to give sex in order to get something in return. Perhaps he needs you to be a bit self-less here and give him some lovin' that is focused on JUST him. Do you desire HIM enough to help him with this?

If he plain and simple won't let you do anything to him, or you are both unwilling to venture into experimenting sexually, then I dunno what you can do short of talking to a counselor.

[Mallory]

@shheadz: Ok, so you are basically saying all I am assuming is not the problem in your opinion. (I read a lot about negative effects of porn, that is why I am so worried - it might just be that its only getting so negative when someone is addicted. But where does addiction start anyways?)

@Under: when someone masturbates watching porn wouldn't a porn addiction be a masturbation addiction? Where starts addiction?

@lahnnabell: I am aware that our situation has become a bit complicated and pressured now, and maybe even some time before because I have talked to him about him seeming to want less sex already a while ago. That is why all I can do is not to put pressure on him now and just wait and see. I would also try to do something new the next time we have sex - in a way that he does not notice why I am doing it. I think our situation isn't severe enough to go to a counselor already.

waiting is what I am going to do anyways. I just want to be more sure about the reasons for this slump.

[shheadz]

I think you're looking for a complicated answer to a simple problem. I think he's just bored. Not necessarily with your sex life, but with life in general.

[Primo]

Lot of women on here lose their guys to porn for some reason. Maybe it's just because they talk about it on an anonymous forum more openly.

Mallory from a guy's pov I can assure you if he's jerking off instead of making your little pussy sore every night that he's bored with you sexually. ~Maybe~ you can rekindle that flame, but I doubt it. Sorry it's so cut and dry, but it's normal. Most couples are bored with their partner sexually, they just stay in the relationship for a multitude of other reasons. It's up to you if you want to settle.

[Mallory]

Lot of women on here lose their guys to porn for some reason. Maybe it's just because they talk about it on an anonymous forum more openly.

Mallory from a guy's pov I can assure you if he's jerking off instead of making your little pussy sore every night that he's bored with you sexually. ~Maybe~ you can rekindle that flame, but I doubt it. Sorry it's so cut and dry, but it's normal. Most couples are bored with their partner sexually, they just stay in the relationship for a multitude of other reasons. It's up to you if you want to settle.

everyone is entitled to their opinion but I don't think it has to be like that and I am quite sure there are lots of men out there who desire their wifes/gfs all their life. Probably cause they don't get distracted by porn. Anyways I am wondering if guys get bored with their girlfriends/wifes why don't they try to do something new. Why? He is the one who is bored not me. Every guy who prefers porn over a girl is an idiot in my opinion, and I don't need such a 'man' and wouldn't stay in a relationship with him. Most men don't even manage to moan during sex but still they want their girlfriends to do crazy stuff... that is pretty ****ed up if you ask me.

[shheadz]

Geez Mallory. Do you honestly think he just started looking at porn?