Breakup because of intimacy problems

[koze499]

My girlfriend of four years has broken it off to me because she says she is not attracted to me anymore (Right before I was going to ask her to marry me). This has been a problem for a while but when we do make love, it is fantastic. This may stem from a number of things that have happened between us over the last 8 moths or so and because of her sexual past (lots of abuse). She has been having a lot of issues with these things that have happened to her in her past and also had a misscariage (my child) about 2 months ago. So over the last 4 months she has had no interest in sex and has said it was due to these instances but tuesday nite when she broke it off with me, she said it was also due to not be attracted to me anymore.

There are some other things that have happened that may have led to this but I want to work through it all and have suggested sex theraphy and counseling.we were living together in a house my parents own for about a year and she moved out about 4 months ago. She was upset that i did not move out either but I was under the impression that we would find a place together after my parents sold the house this summer becuase I had just lost my funding and have a dog (timing wasn't great for me). I think she saw that as a lack of commitment. Also, I have been caught looking at porn and she saw this as me thinking our sex lif was inadequate. I have stopped and realize her feelings and also realize that porn only destroys and poisons the soul. True intimacy cannot have someone with fantasies that come from porn.
another thing that i need to work on is being more romantic and I admit this.

Is it too late for us? I want to try. she deserves passion and excitement and spontanaity in her sex life. I want to give her that. Is there something i can do. I want to take her to a nice mountain lodge (we live in Montana) but I am not sure she will say yes since she has broken it off. Any suggestions.

Oh, very important, besides the intamcy, we get along FANTASTIC. great conversations, great snuggling. I love her family. And I love her more everyday.

thanks

[Indignant]

your ages?

[koze499]

i am 39 she is 27

[LoveHurts09]

no kids then? i think she just wants a kid and doesn't see how when u are already so much older and she just lost 1, maybe the marriage proposal will work, also think about telling her u really want to start a family with her (that also includes getting your own place)

[shheadz]

Who knows what goes on inside the female mind -- well, except other females. Maybe it's not you that's become unattractive. Maybe she doesn't feel attractive anymore. My ex told me she didn't feel attractive anymore after the abortion. I imagine a miscarriage is that x 5. How attractive she finds you can be influenced by her mood. How depressed is she right now? Has she gone to counseling for the miscarriage?

[LAtoJapan]

I don't think it is too late, maybe a little separation is the best thing. You two have been living together for the past year so maybe she just wants a little fresh air before walking down the aisle.

She had a miscarriage which along with females that have had abortions go through a new set of mood swings and depression. I would not be aggressive in getting her back but give her a ring maybe in a week to see how she is doing and give her a message that you are still thinking about her. Eventually, she may think that she cannot live without you.