Break Up, Suggestions.

[FrailWings]

Okay guys, i'm new here so bear with me, and probably the length of this;

For 14 months i have been seeing this girl, after waiting 2 months and being recent friends, we got together, and all honesty it was the best thing to happen to both of us. She'd always compliment how being together has changed her into a good person, and how she loves me. We both fell in love, and her family really liked me. So Christmas 2008 went fine, until about May 2009, we argued a little but not lots, but we always sorted things out. She dumped me in May, because she felt i prevented her from seeing her friends, but everytime i suggested she go out with her friends, she wouldn't go, i always encouraged her. So we got back together and she apologized and she said she didn't mean it. From there we were fine, mind i always put the effort in, at going down to her house, i mean we spent near on everyday together. In September, she dumped me again, but 2 days later we got back together, she said she needed to push me as far away to see if i'd come back, and for her to be in control of her emotions. Again after that period we were fine. However, from November - December 2009, we argued more, we finished, more frequently, but it was only just to warn each other off, we'd use it just to make a point kind of thing. On Christmas day, we argued on the night, but it was over something silly, we finished for about all of 5 minutes, got back together. She text me that night saying, she loves me, and no matter what we'll get through anything. The next 4 days were fine, we had amazing laughs. On 30th December, she dumped me, now, this was because of a massive argument, because i was already stressed from family issues etc, she just chose the wrong moment, and i got abit wound up. Calling her a, attention seeker + a control freak. Now i didn't go into extreme cursing, i managed to hold back, although i did let a f*** off, slip. But all of this was done online, and not in person. So she finished me and said "i hope you realise what you done." So i let the first day go, second day, i really panic thinking it's for good, and go down to her house, thinking this is it, she didn't want to talk, instead gave me half my stuff back. I did text + phone alot, to which i got no reply. So i stopped contact for 2 days, and finally asked after 2 days of silence, if this is what she wants? She never replied to it, even though she did reply to me, 2 minutes before hand about getting stuff. So the next day i asked her 3 times if it's what she want and is it for good. She replied the 3rd time saying "Yes it's over for good." She won't speak to me at all, attempt to contact me, so i stopped all contact until tonight, where i tried speaking on Facebook, but she immediately went offline. She won't speak at all, but what i don't get is how we went from so happy, to just over. There was never anyone else, or anyone she liked... it just happened like that. Now i'm confused what to do, i want her back, but feel like i have to move on. Any suggestions guys?

If you've read this, thanks guys and girls

[IncognitoSir]

Sounds like you guys argued sooo much, but never actually resolved anything from arguing. After a while it just builds up to the point where one of you, (her) can't take it anymore. It may be too late to salvage the relationship since there has been so much damage already. Give her some time to think about it. If she only gave you half of your stuff, you still have a bit of hope left. The ball is in her court though. In the meantime, occupy yourself and stay busy. The more you hound her about it, the smaller your chances get of working it out with her.

[kai]

When were you happy, dude? You were breaking up and then hooking up again. That's a sign of disastrous relationship. It's over for good. And her theory of letting you go is messed up. And, have some self respect. After getting dumped two times, you still got back with her? Not a good choice. I hope you've learnt your lesson. Get a better girl.

[FrailWings]

Thanks, she did say, "she's had enough". She did have the power in the relationship, but she's still yet to ask about getting each others stuff etc. Regardless of our arguments, the days before we broke up, were completely full with hysterical laughter, and good memories. I'd say, the point at which we looked the best in the months, was where we broke up. We were happy the day before we broke. The real reason the argument happened, was because someone seen someone in her room and i miss heard them for saying it was someone my age instead of it being her dad. So i questioned it but never accused. She flipped, i got annoyed because she wasn't listening. The rest is history. But yeah, we were extremely close, before we broke up.

Kai; The break ups weren't necessarily official, was sort of a test for me, she'd always say she love me, etc. We were mad for each other. Although, we had "mini breakups", we'd extreme things just to prove a point kind of thing. I suppose, i was way to soft when we were together in all honesty.

[IncognitoSir]

Thanks, she did say, "she's had enough". She did have the power in the relationship, but she's still yet to ask about getting each others stuff etc. Regardless of our arguments, the days before we broke up, were completely full with hysterical laughter, and good memories. I'd say, the point at which we looked the best in the months, was where we broke up. We were happy the day before we broke. The real reason the argument happened, was because someone seen someone in her room and i miss heard them for saying it was someone my age instead of it being her dad. So i questioned it but never accused. She flipped, i got annoyed because she wasn't listening. The rest is history. But yeah, we were extremely close, before we broke up.

Kai; The break ups weren't necessarily official, was sort of a test for me, she'd always say she love me, etc. We were mad for each other. Although, we had "mini breakups", we'd extreme things just to prove a point kind of thing. I suppose, i was way to soft when we were together in all honesty.

News flash bro, thats NOT love. You don't test your bf/gf by breaking up with them. I see now that she realizes the power she has over you. You're getting walked all over man. It almost seems like she has you brainwashed into thinking no matter what she does, its all good. Maybe you'll be better off without her.

[FrailWings]

I know where you're coming from IncognitoSir, but, we had that kind of chemistry, i don't know if this makes sense. I can't really describe, i know she loved me throughout. Over the whole breakup thing to test me. I questioned her love then for me, but she'd always say that she did. I honestly KNOW she was in love with, even though the things she did suggested otherwise.

[kai]

There is NO SUCH THING AS TEST in a relationship. She liked to walk all over you. She liked to feel in power. She liked to control someone.

[IncognitoSir]

What I'm saying is, she can say she loves you, but she has to exhibit that as well. Its like a man who beats his wife and then apologies come right after that and he tells her how much he loves her. Then another month down the line after she has forgiven him, he beats her again.....repeat. That's what's going on in your relationship, except it not physical, its emotional.

[FrailWings]

I meant the break up in the September she claimed was to push me away to see how far i'd go until I'd come back. So was like a test in my eyes. The reason was because her parents our divorced. Her dad is selfish and hardly spends time with her or her brother. She lacks a male in her life, like to be there. So she put it down to that.

[kai]

Man, listen to us. That's just BS.

[FrailWings]

I'm listening and thank you for spending your time helping me. I'm trying to give as much detail as possible which could have effects. But I do understand where you's are coming from.

[whyme87]

I had the same...so many break ups you get used to them...it's not nice when it's a real one....and when they ignore the calls,texts,facebook even worse... she found time to text her next b/f though.bitch

[FrailWings]

She told me, we need time to ourselves and she'll speak in a few weeks, when we broke up.

She was very jealous if she thought someone liked me, who I speak to, she'd bring them up in arguments accusing me of liking them. Whenever I went to her for support the conversation would turn to be about her. Don't get me wrong, she would support me. Just trying to identify her traits for you guys.

[kai]

Yeah, these traits are a sign of a control freak.

[lahnnabell]

FrailWings, all I see here is you making excuses for her. You want us to advise you on how to get back together with her when any sane person would tell you to run away.

You're gonna do what you want, but no one on this forum will tell you to wait for her. No one.