Old Relationship won't go away...

[tomllama2]

Okay, I'll try to keep this short but it's likely to be a long'un. It's a bit complicated. Please don't do a tl;dr on me

I met this girl a couple of years ago in high school and we were really great friends, we connected on so many levels and we'd literally be saying and thinking the same things as each other most of the time. We just got on in a way neither of us had ever done with anyone else before. So, naturally we got pretty close over time.

However, she had a boyfriend of a year or so, and they were pretty solid. He was great in bed and he was really great to her. However (yeah, another one) he lived about 3 hours' train journey away from her. I live literally 2 minutes round the corner from her. So we started getting intimate, and I knew it was just because she missed him. But then we really got close and there was a period where we were pretty much in a relationship. We never had sex, though. Sort of a time/place thing. He never knew about any of this although he was pretty suspicious. In the end, we decided to stop because it was getting too risky and she chose him over me.

Okay, now, a year or so on, we're still talking a bit although not nearly as much because she's at college and I'm in Sixth Form (which is like a college in my high school). In the time in between she's still with her boyfriend, but I had two short relationships that didn't really work out. All that time I still thought of her. I'm pretty sure I was in love with her, I know thats a pretty common thing for people to say on here but I really did feel for her in a really deep way. I still do.

Today, we met up and went for a dog walk together. Nothing happened but there was still a little connection - little things like talking about our relationship before (the good parts of it), a bit of flirting, and she said something that she always used to say when we first got together - that she hated her bf being so far away and how it's silly that a guy like me was so close by. "Like me" ? Does that mean she still feels for me? Another thing is that although she never said it, I think a bit of a factor in her choosing him was that I was pretty unconfident about sex -I always used to hold back even though I desperately wanted to go further, and I was never sure why. Now, though, I'm more experienced and I'm fairly sure we could have a great time together.

So, what do you think? Is there still something there after all this time? We're flirting, talking about the good ol' days, agreeing that her bf is inconvenient and we did talk briefly on how we'd be good together. I'm just not sure. Thanks for reading this epic essay. (:

[Aeradalia]

Imagine yourself as her bf... talking with someone like you while you are not around. How does she appear to you now? Because if you have a relationship with her --- that's the role you'll eventually be in.

Hate to say it... but if her relationship with her bf is so inconvenient to where she seeks out the affections of another man (you)... then she needs to end the relationship, because this is a form of cheating (with or without sex). It's not fair to her bf... and it's not fair to you. Nobody wants to share... so she needs to make a choice... you or her bf, and then cut ties.

[tomllama2]

Well yeah, it was cheating. We're past that now, but like I said, it's happening again.

And how do you mean, imagine myself as her bf? You mean as the bf she has now, or me as her bf?

[Bumble_bee]

^^ put yourself in the BF shoes.

[lhn]

She does need to choose. If she is unhappy with her bf, even if it is just cos he is far away, then she needs to sort that out before anything can happen between you both. It's obvious there is chemistry between you, which is cool, but it's important to know your place.
If she wants to be with you, then she will leave her bf. He lives ages away afterall. Thats then your answer. If she doesn't think it would be better with you or if she doesn't see you that way, then thats that too.

Chill, enjoy her company, but keep the boundaries. The ball is and always will be in her court unless you two are official.

[tomllama2]

But that happened before, she spent about 2-3 months agonizing over it before finally choosing him. So i know I've changed, but how do i show her that without her just thinking im trying to win her back by lying?

And ahh, yeah i see you're point. She's not really like that but yeah i guess it could happen.

And she said today her bf wants her to move in with her, at a place miles away. she said it sound good to get away from her parents but shes not sure about living with him. :S

[IncognitoSir]

She's not sure about a lot of things, it sucks that she's dragging you and her bf behind while shes making up her mind. I think you need to remove yourself from the equation anyways.

[lahnnabell]

There is no sure-fire way to make this girl yours. Getting caught up like this hurting your chances more than helping. You are getting in the way because you're afraid she won't pick you in the end. She may not pick you anyway. Relationships are a bit of a gamble, as anyone on here will tell you.

And so distance is causing a problem for her current relationship. If you guys get together, you'll find that there's a similar issue waiting in the wings for you two as well. Relationships always have problems. It's how you come together to compromise and deal with the problems that matters. She's choosing to flake on the both of you. Do you really want someone like that in your life?

[Aeradalia]

Actions speak louder than words.

I know she's giving you an earful on how she says she feels... but what do you think her actions are telling you?

[cmacattack1]

Do whatever you think feels right, you never know what kind of happiness (or misery) you might find.

Keep in the mind the risks and that what she is doing to another person and getting away with could have her continue that behavior with you. I think you need to distance yourself from her and have her make her own decision, she sounds like she's got you in the palm of her hand and knows it.

[tomllama2]

Thanks for all the comments guys.
This feels so strange, because it's exactly what i thought back then when she was making the decision. I guess i was hoping that this time i could make it different, but perhaps nothings going to change. I wish i could move on sometimes, but other times i just want to be with her so much it hurts.

I just want to say, I've known her for ages and shes not really an unfaithful type. She's just indecisive. I know this sounds naive but i don't think she'd do anything like that behind my back, like she has with him. Although if it was with him, then maybe.