confused and wondering what to do...

[jjkalai]

First of all, I want to say hello to everyone since this is my first post! I'm looking forward to hearing from all of you!

So me and this girl have been together for almost 2 years. We had a relationship for 6 months, broke up. Went out two years later (I dated someone else for two years), and she recently broke up with me and it hurts. I really really loved her. We both moved from home to college together and have had a lot of positive experiences. We share the same interests, music, everything. I feel like she was the perfect match for me.

The reason why we broke up is because we had some issues (trust etc.) and my ex girlfriend emailed me out of the blue. I replied back trying to put some closure and she got upset and broke up with me. I'm in no ways still in love with my ex. I still think of her as a friend.

Two days later, I tried to call her (she went on a trip home from college) to apologize and she told me she already found someone else =/ One of her friends whom I'm pretty close to told me she's not in love they are just dating. He was just interested and he took advantage of it. I don't get how she could just find someone the next day? It broke my heart.

Funny thing is, I still wanna be with her. I'm willing to do anything in the world to still be with her. She's now been in town for a day now and I texted her "I hope you had a safe plane ride in" last night. Her friend texted me "she's really over it, you need to stop trying to contact her". I'm confused as what to do now... All my friends tell me I should just move on and forget about her, but I still want to be with her. I want to show her how much I've changed since she was gone and It's hard for me to show her. She thinks I'll never change because throughout our relationship we've broken up and got back together prematurely a couple of times and the same problems have arisen. Yet I had a break from her which was what I needed all this time to change. Her friends also told me that it also takes two in a relationship. Do you guys think she's over me for good? does she still have feelings for me?

Hopefully you guys can help me out on what to do next...

Thanks.

[Adrie]

What exactly were the reasons of you and her going on and off in your relationship?

And I clearly don't understand why you're changing for her when she's the one that broke up with you. Because you're simply just trying to make sure your relationship with your ex is over. That's the part where she becomes the suspect, I believe.

And her being able to get over you and find a guy the next day is not exactly a good trait for a woman at times. I mean, great if she was able to stand up after a break-up. But at least feel something.. and it seems like she didn't. She wakes up the next morning and almost instantly found a new guy.

Maybe it's really time for you to move on. A woman that can easily get over a guy the next day is not worth keeping. The interests that you both shared were a match, but not the link to trust. And that's a damn important thing that you two should have. You gave an effort to change, she did not and went out to ignore you. She is not for you.. as much as you think she is, she isn't.
None of us can really know whether she still has feelings for you. As we don't know who this woman or how she thinks.

It's time to move on, my friend. And please, don't hurt yourself anymore.

- Marc

[jjkalai]

We were going off and on because we both had trust issues about certain things. She didn't like it every time I would try and contact my ex just for friends sake and I did yet again. I was just looking for closure this time. It sucks because I promised her I wouldn't try and contact her ever again but I did. Which makes me blame myself...

She also gets really really upset really easily. I'm kinda thinking she might just be really angry still.

[IncognitoSir]

What a horrible friend this guy is thats jumped in your place. I feel like she may be messing with your old buddy just for the sake of upseting you more. I think you need to drop her and him out of your life, the pain is not worth the fight man. Its only downhill from here. The more you pursue her, the more its going to hurt. If she loved you, there is no way she could get over you in 24 hours. On the other hand, you said she easily gets angry, I was like that toward the end of my last relationship as well because my gf constantly made bone head moves and it got to a point where i was always on edge with her. That maybe the position you were in as well. Once the trust is gone, the relationship is sure to follow.

[cmacattack1]

You really have no other option. She doesn't want to be with you and you have to respect that decision. Any contact afterwards just makes them more pissed off and angry. Even nice, friendly thoughtful things make them angry. You want to know why? Any kind of contact on your part reminds them of your relationship, the one that didn't work, and brings back all the things she was angry about. You aren't doing either of you a favor. You will always be associated with your past relationship and the issues. Plus when you aren't together, and you are commenting on what she is doing, it does kind of come across as stalkerish. Just a suggestion. The more you chase after her too, the more she thinks you need her, the more she thinks "Wow I was right".

You dated for a while, been apart for two years, and then back together and still it didn't work. And you say there were a few more on and off break ups over stuff you are trying to portray as not a big deal, but break ups are a big deal. They aren't (or shouldn't be) like moods, not like one day you feel like it and the next you aren't. They are the end of a relationship, and patching it up because you both hurt and lonely never solves anything. That is why inevitably it came to this.

You say you changed, and you want to prove that to her. Do you honestly really feel like you changed? Did you change for her or for yourself? What is so different about you? If you honestly feel like a whole entirely new person, you won't need to go out there and prove yourself. You will be satisfied with the change for your life because it's for the better and everybody that knows you will notice. But she won't get to unless she wants to. The only way you guys can truly create a new relationship is if she comes to you completely unprovoked and still has feelings for you. No matter what you say or how much you tell her you changed will affect how she feels. She will feel how she feels and her feelings can't be bargained with.

I'm not telling you to forget about her and move on, but if all you are doing is thinking about ways to get her back or doing things to get her back, you are fighting a losing battle. It's not looking good judging by how many times you broke up. You already failed in her eyes. Even if she does, you don't know if it would work anyway because she would need to improve too. Do you really want to be back with the same girl that had serious trust issues and give you shit for everything? Another recipe for disaster.