my ex boyfriend is confusing me and he has a new girlfriend

[poopsun84]

hey I am a seventeen year old girl. I had this ex boyfriend for around a year. we were deeply in love, and nothing mattered more than each other in our eyes. he did lots of stuff for me, like sendin me home nearly everyday after my school even though he live hours away from my home. I am his first girlfriend too. he was real cute and nice, shy etc. everyone said we were compatible. we were both very loyal and never flirted with anyone else during our r/s. we even gave our virginity to each other. he's 3 years older than me. My ex boyfriend and I broke up around mid October last year.

2 weeks before we broke up, he suddenly told me that he loved me no more and that he hates me. I was shocked and hurt to the max before the day before we still met up and everything was alright. There were still the hugs, kisses and sweet nothings. he even sang to me. and it was also only recent that he told me his love for me will never end. so when he told me he loved me no more, and wanted to break up, i was shocked and could not accept it. in the end after much pleas he gave me another chance. but he never treated me nicely anymore. however there was once a week before the breakup, I went to his house to spend some time together for a while. he was very nice to me and even initiated hugs etc. later on we even made out.

after that day he went overseas for some school trip which lasted for 5 days. 1 day after he came back, I asked to meet up and he refused, and insisted that he doesnt want to see me forever and wanted to break up. again. this time i totally gave up and agreed. so the next day we met up for the last time, before breaking up. i was all set and bracing myself for the break already, however his behaviour totally stunned me because i thought he didn't love me anymore. he cried like hell during that meet up, and hugged me etc. he even requested to meet up once in a while after our break up. he sort of begged me, and even cried more than me! he told me he still loved me actually.

after the breakup, I was completely crushed. he was too. However I did not dare to contact him, and waited for him to contact me first instead. he contacted me on a daily basis. and told me he still loved me, just that he thinks he's not suitable to be in a relationship for now. so i respected his decision. he even told me he wants to be my best friend because he worries about me etc. I felt super touched and loved him even more.
however a few days later, he suddenly stopped contacting me. and when I contacted him, he was either very cold or completely ignored me. he even said he hates me and that he regretted knowing me. So i got desperate and upset, started pestering for an answer. things got even worse.

one month later, he suddenly messaged me and told me he wanted me to spend his birthday together with him which is in december. i was elated and rushed off to plan everything, and didn't dare to contact him for fear of him changing his mind.

a while later, i found out he's been messaging a girl everyday. and people were all teasing him about it on facebook. but it did not bother me that much, so i asked him if he wanted to catch a movie on his birthday too. that's when he told me he did not want to see me at all! i was so hurt and upset. he even claimed i was delusional and imagined him asking me out on his birthday. later on he messaged me and apologised and said he will never fall in love again for breaking my heart. i was in pieces.

so i decided to ask him about that girl, and it turned out that they have been hitting the gym and stuff together a week after me and him just broke up. he told me there's nothing going on between them, and this time i seriously doubt it. and my instincts were right. around beginning of december, he told me that that girl likes him, but he doesnt return her her feelings. BUT ON THE NEXT DAY HE SUDDENLY TOLD ME HE LIKES HER TOO AND CAN'T WAIT TO START A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER!!! it was only a matter of him asking her in life face to face. i was crushed and confused.

anyway it turned out that a guy has liked me for 2 years alr, so i told my ex about it. he got scarily jealous and even scolded me, saying that all my words about loving him forever was bullshit! i got angry. hey i thought he already like his new girl, why should he mind! he even assumed that i got a new boyfriend.

he even came to the extent of asking me how to ask her to be his boyfriend... i was angry and sad, hated and loved him. how could he do that to me after so many promises to take care of me after the break up. they were officially together, after just 2 months since we broke up. but i found it odd that he doesnt seem that happy as compared to when me and him first got together.

every single time they had trouble, he would turn to me and rant to me and stuff. i spent many nights staying up to comfort me. he even told me he'd rather be with me. however, when they were fine, he would keep telling me he held her hands and she's very cute etc. who in the right mind would tell that to his ex?!

anyway the girl dumped him after lesser than 5 days, as she claimed he did not give him space. she requested for a patch up a few hours later. on the 10th day, she broke up with him again due to personality differences.a day later, she requested for a patch up again. then around the 14th day, she broke up with him again cause she found out that he had lost his virginity to me.


then she spoke to me and told me he was a jerk, because he actually repeatedly asked her out since august when i was still together with him. she even apologised and claimed she didn't know and went out with him, and even convinced me to slap him after badmouthing him. i was confused and kept asking her to reconfirm if it was august or what. she reassured me it was in august. so i confronted him. he denied everything, while made me angrier, so i told her about it. her reply shocked me. she said something like this, "omg I m so sorry! i went to check my calendar. it's in october not august. > <" i was quite guilty for accusing my ex of 2 timing, and she just told me this, "even if that's the case, he started a r/s with me because he wanted a rebound r/s"

she sabotaged me and turned me against him. then a few days later, she went crying to him and patched up with him again, after ignoring him and brainwashing me for so many days. seems that she told him i want to slap him and stuff. i got upset so i went to tell him everything. and even forwarded him her messages. he just ignored me!

i am confused about everything. help how can someone change so fast. like within a month he already start to fall for another girl, despite all the stuff he told me and how much he had loved me!

[lahnnabell]

This is too much drama for someone your age. I know it hurts, but letting go of this guy will be the best thing for you. It seems like all you can see is him, but that will fade and you will become stronger as time goes on. This guy is immature and after you broke up he used your affection for him to get some play.

Young people (men and women) are very fickle. Some of learn that it is important to value the people in our lives, and others themselves feel that they were never valued enough deep down. This guy doesn't know what he wants, and I guarantee you this new chick will be suffering the same fate at some point. The fact that she knows about what he's done to you and is still with him means that she's inexperienced too. These two sound destructive and their relationship will fail because of that. If you keep moving forward right now you'll be miles away from them when that happens and you can just move on.

cmac, shheadz, and lhn and others will be along shortly to tell you pretty much the same thing. Some of the guys on here have readily admitted to having done some of what your ex has done to you, but after having been through it themselves now, they have gained immense empathy.

[iateyourcookie]

Sorry, but imo - just stay away from him. And his girlfriend. As far as I can tell from your story, he's trouble and indecisive. Nobody says 'I don't want to see you anymore' and five minutes later changes his mind. I know you've grown somewhat attached to him, but staying away from him is for your own good.

It looks like the more you talk to him and his girlfriend, the more confused you get. And the way he conducts himself is quiet immature. And you're 17! You have your whole life ahead of you

[poopsun84]

Sorry, but imo - just stay away from him. And his girlfriend. As far as I can tell from your story, he's trouble and indecisive. Nobody says 'I don't want to see you anymore' and five minutes later changes his mind. I know you've grown somewhat attached to him, but staying away from him is for your own good.

It looks like the more you talk to him and his girlfriend, the more confused you get. And the way he conducts himself is quiet immature. And you're 17! You have your whole life ahead of you

thanks for your advice anyway could it be a rebound relationship because he started dating her only a while after we broke up. actually over the birthday thing, after i realized he had been feeding me false hopes, i was really depressed and confronted him about it. he told me i was delusional and that he never wanted to see me at all, and even brainwashed me to commit suicide! he kept provoking me and probing me "are you dead yet" or "may i know the dosage of whatever you are eating" or "please die sooner. stop being a pest." and so on... i swallowed a whole row of 10plus panadols. but didnt die luckily after that event he apologised to me and claimed that he lost control of his temper, and said the crap about not falling in love anympore for breaking h\my heart. and now this

there are much more stuff just that I am lazy to type it out.

you are from singapore too?! i am from sg too, but made some error while choosing country during sign up.

[poopsun84]

This is too much drama for someone your age. I know it hurts, but letting go of this guy will be the best thing for you. It seems like all you can see is him, but that will fade and you will become stronger as time goes on. This guy is immature and after you broke up he used your affection for him to get some play.

Young people (men and women) are very fickle. Some of learn that it is important to value the people in our lives, and others themselves feel that they were never valued enough deep down. This guy doesn't know what he wants, and I guarantee you this new chick will be suffering the same fate at some point. The fact that she knows about what he's done to you and is still with him means that she's inexperienced too. These two sound destructive and their relationship will fail because of that. If you keep moving forward right now you'll be miles away from them when that happens and you can just move on.

cmac, shheadz, and lhn and others will be along shortly to tell you pretty much the same thing. Some of the guys on here have readily admitted to having done some of what your ex has done to you, but after having been through it themselves now, they have gained immense empathy.

what i can't believe is this new girl, she actually got so manipulative and used me to anger him! she even convinced me to go to their school and slap him. then after a while they patched up, and he came to scold me, sayin that he heard from his girlfriend that i want to slap him! i felt damn accused and backstabbed.

he will come talk to me once in a while whenever he has trouble with his girlfriend. and it hurts me a lot the way he talk about her. but I can't find the courage to tell him go away, and I will eventually wind up comforting up, and hurting myself even more. what should I say to him if he does that again?

i was living on false hope that he may still have some feelings for me, but you enlightened me. thanks! but we were so in love...

[iateyourcookie]

Ahaha yes I'm from SG.

Wow... if the guy brainwashed you to committing suicide... seriously, stay away from him. He'll turn you into his puppet sooner or later, even though you're not his girlfriend.

[Lite]

OK, the harsh reality is that you weren't really in love. You're kids, and forming relationships, pair bonding, lots and lots of hormones. It isn't real love. Real love is what remains when the happy chemical high of a new person wears off, and real life sets in. When you realize that it isn't all just roses and songs and kisses.

Sorry, but that's about the truth of it.

Secondly, he's an ex for a reason, he's playing games, and you really should be out dating lots of other people so that you can understand who you are, what kind of person you want to date, and you know, having fun.

He's using you, he's not being faithful to his new girlfriend, and you're letting him. Why are you being his doormat? Why are you even talking to him anymore? Why are you talking with his girlfriend? None of this makes any sense because you're not showing any spine or self respect. He isn't worth your time, you ARE actually better than he is. He's proved it repeatedly, and yet you keep talking to him. Why? Because you miss what you had? Guess what, you're 17 and you're going to have a lot more relationships in your life. This is the first of many, and frankly you don't even know who you are yet. Let alone who you want to be. Don't be in a hurry to keep one guy around forever. It just doesn't work that way.

[poopsun84]

i know that real love isn't all just roses etc. but what exactly is real love?

i know that he's probably taking me as a venting machine or a doormat too, but i just can't find the courage or whatsover to just walk away forever, because I am really confused. I don't know whether this is the real him or not. he used to be really shy and softspoken. He never flirts and was very faithful and loyal. not like this asshole he is right now! i have no idea why he suddenly changed. I just want to know the reason if there is one and move on. but hey thanks, i guess in reality is that he IS an asshole, and I am just spineless, I really have to move on.


but why do you say he's being unfaithful to his girlfriend?

and nope, his girlfriend was the one who talked to me first! she came up with the whole two timing crap and got me to scold my ex. then she badmouthed me... i feel that it's very unjust. but I know he won't stick up for me, so I deleted and blocked his girlfriend on messenger. I hope this is a right choice. or is there a better way to handle this?

yeah I kept talking to him, because I wished that perhaps he hasn't change and is just in a rebound relationship or so. confused. because at times he would be really nice to me, and make me softhearted again and talk to him again. then all of a sudden like within hours he would start to insult me again! i can't come up a reason for this split personality like behaviour.

i am currently trying to move on, and re connect with my other friends that he forced me give up while we were together. but he's making it hard for me, by coming up with all those crazy antics.

OK, the harsh reality is that you weren't really in love. You're kids, and forming relationships, pair bonding, lots and lots of hormones. It isn't real love. Real love is what remains when the happy chemical high of a new person wears off, and real life sets in. When you realize that it isn't all just roses and songs and kisses.

Sorry, but that's about the truth of it.

Secondly, he's an ex for a reason, he's playing games, and you really should be out dating lots of other people so that you can understand who you are, what kind of person you want to date, and you know, having fun.

He's using you, he's not being faithful to his new girlfriend, and you're letting him. Why are you being his doormat? Why are you even talking to him anymore? Why are you talking with his girlfriend? None of this makes any sense because you're not showing any spine or self respect. He isn't worth your time, you ARE actually better than he is. He's proved it repeatedly, and yet you keep talking to him. Why? Because you miss what you had? Guess what, you're 17 and you're going to have a lot more relationships in your life. This is the first of many, and frankly you don't even know who you are yet. Let alone who you want to be. Don't be in a hurry to keep one guy around forever. It just doesn't work that way.

[Lite]

I hate to use the cliche, but you'll figure it out when you're older, time are tough, and that person sticks by you through the rough, and will continue to stick by you. Even if things don't get better.

Of course you can find the courage. It actually isn't that hard to say, "I don't want to talk to you anymore." and end the conversation there. Oh sure, you'll say but emotionally you feel confused, etc. Keep the words simple and to the point. Get out of my life, I am permanently done with you.

Trust me, anyone who is emotionally stringing along his ex girlfriend is cheating. He's keeping you around as a backup in case the new girl doesn't work out. Do you want to be his fallback girl? Do you want to be his second choice? Don't you feel that you deserve to be treated better than this?

I don't really care who initiates the conversation, if you respond or talk to her, you're talking to her. Period. Don't do it. You have no reason to. It's pretty damn obvious that she is using you to manipulate him and playing games. Why even play?

It's a hell of a lot easier to move on if you stop being a doormat and grow a spine. Tell him to go fsck himself and leave you alone. Moving on is a hell of a lot easier without the antics as you've said, so remove the antics. Tell him to go away. If he respects you, he will. If he doesn't, he doesn't respect you and you need to verbally kick him in the nuts to get him to go away.

[cmacattack1]

LB is right, like clockwork I have put up a long and drawn out post because I like words too much. It's in the broken hearts section if you care to read.