Immature, hysterical behaviour. What to do?

[Spitfire01]

Hi, I would like to talk about the 'hysteric' moments my girlfriend has sometimes. Another one just occured, and I would like some insights.

Here's the situation. My gf was at home today preparing classes for tomorrow (she has internship at school once a week), which already makes her quite nervous as I know. Round noon she calls me, while I'm out for lunch, to say that the internet stopped working. She started panicking that she couldn't finish her work and didn't know what to do. She told me to call the ISP. I replied I didn't have the number, and asked why she couldn't go there, since the shop is around the corner. Ofcourse she replied she didn't want to go there and she said I should call. I tried some numbers she found on the bill, and had no success calling them. Then she started screaming at me that I should find the number, asking why I didnt have such an important number in my cellphone, basically making it my fault. The culprit was probably the guy wiping the snow on our roof (we have an internet antenna on the roof). I started getting slightly pissed, since it's not my fault at all. I told her that if we couldn't reach them, she could go to her friends place, or to the library to use internet. This she didn't want either, I should call the ISP, I should call informations to get the number, or whatever it took. There was no reasoning with her. Back at work i searched the internet but didnt immediately find the correct number, and in the mean time I was interrupted at work 10 times cos she kept calling me, panicking. She even said a few times that she was gonna kill herself (!), after which ending the conversation. At such moments I really am wondering why she can't be grownup and just look for an alternative (such as going to that friend). It's apparently better to yell at me, and then expecting help ... My blood starts boiling at such times ... It's even more frustrating when such a thing happens on the phone, which has happenened several times before.

In the end I managed to call the shop, receiving word that they prolly wouldnt be able to come today. While browsing the website I found of them, I also noticed that I've been paying too much for like half a year, due to some stupid formality. I mentioned it to my gf, and she said that 'she told me' several months back. I replied I didnt hear her say, or I mustve misunderstood. She then said I prolly didnt listen to her or I only listen to my '****ing family and friends'. I really got pissed then (not the first time she says something like that), and slammed down the phone. A bit later we talked again, and she said the same thing again, after which I just shut down my phone, after texting her that I shouldnt be taking such insults after trying to help her.

So what about this, what should I do in such situations? If i try to talk reasonably, this doesnt work. If i ignore her, she gets even more pissed! Basically in such state no reason will calm her, and she can say the most aweful things.

[Petit Papillon]

ach te polskie dziewczyny...
i dunno,seems like it's her character, this is the way she is , so take it or leave... you could ofcourse talk to her but i doubt it will change anything...

[ecojeanne]

yeh i'm a bit like that when under pressure. it's probably cyclical (in or around her period from 2 weeks prior). i know it is with me. tell her to take agnus cactus and passiflora. it's remarkable how it makes such a difference. go easy on her. she's bound to feel embarrassed and uptight. and may even try to justify her actions. i used to just apologise after calming down. its tough side of being a female with crazy hormones. a bad diet can also have a bad influence on her moods. especially if she has a lot of caffeine-in chocolate and coke and coffee of course

[qwertz]

Well if she does it numerous times then she needs to grow up, but saying that, i have done a very similar thing to my ex, i was under pressure at work, hormonal and totally stressed out..obviously i apologised afterwards..does she apologise after these outbursts? do they ahppen often?

[kez73]

First of all, why couldn't SHE phone since she was the one at the home, and needing the internet? Secondly, you mentioned a few times that she has acted like this before so is it a surprise really? This is something you will have to determine for yourself - do you wish to have this happen over and over for the rest of your lives or are you going to do something about it? Even if that means terminating the relationship?

I know stress can make some people kooky, my bf has been guilty of taking things out on me occasionally when it's not my fault at all. But when I see that happening I flat out tell him that I am not going to help him or talk to him about his troubles if he is going to be rude and nasty. End of story. He hasn't acted like that in a long time since.

[QueenofCorona]

Yuck, what a horrible situation. Does she have any good qualities? She's obviously mentally unstable saying she'll kill herself. Next time she does that call her an ambulance and let her spend a day or two in the looney bin. See how much she likes that. They may actually be able to help her more than you can.

[Heratriumphant]

That dear, is what we call "High Maintenance" this far there is no known cure for it.

She isn't going to change, why should she if she can bully or manipulate someone into to always to taking care of things for her. If it isn't you, it will be some other guy.

The question is do you really want that puppet to be you?

[Perryville]

She needs to be shown the door, from the outside. My ex used to get hysterical with me. She would rant and scream and cry if any little thing went wrong, until I bought a super soaker. Then whenever she went wacko, I would give her a blast . It didn't hurt anything but her pride, and she learned that I was not going to take that type of thing anymore.

[MVPlaya]

Hi, I would like to talk about the 'hysteric' moments my girlfriend has sometimes. Another one just occured, and I would like some insights.

Here's the situation. My gf was at home today preparing classes for tomorrow (she has internship at school once a week), which already makes her quite nervous as I know. Round noon she calls me, while I'm out for lunch, to say that the internet stopped working. She started panicking that she couldn't finish her work and didn't know what to do. She told me to call the ISP. I replied I didn't have the number, and asked why she couldn't go there, since the shop is around the corner. Ofcourse she replied she didn't want to go there and she said I should call. I tried some numbers she found on the bill, and had no success calling them. Then she started screaming at me that I should find the number, asking why I didnt have such an important number in my cellphone, basically making it my fault. The culprit was probably the guy wiping the snow on our roof (we have an internet antenna on the roof). I started getting slightly pissed, since it's not my fault at all. I told her that if we couldn't reach them, she could go to her friends place, or to the library to use internet. This she didn't want either, I should call the ISP, I should call informations to get the number, or whatever it took. There was no reasoning with her. Back at work i searched the internet but didnt immediately find the correct number, and in the mean time I was interrupted at work 10 times cos she kept calling me, panicking. She even said a few times that she was gonna kill herself (!), after which ending the conversation. At such moments I really am wondering why she can't be grownup and just look for an alternative (such as going to that friend). It's apparently better to yell at me, and then expecting help ... My blood starts boiling at such times ... It's even more frustrating when such a thing happens on the phone, which has happenened several times before.

In the end I managed to call the shop, receiving word that they prolly wouldnt be able to come today. While browsing the website I found of them, I also noticed that I've been paying too much for like half a year, due to some stupid formality. I mentioned it to my gf, and she said that 'she told me' several months back. I replied I didnt hear her say, or I mustve misunderstood. She then said I prolly didnt listen to her or I only listen to my '****ing family and friends'. I really got pissed then (not the first time she says something like that), and slammed down the phone. A bit later we talked again, and she said the same thing again, after which I just shut down my phone, after texting her that I shouldnt be taking such insults after trying to help her.

So what about this, what should I do in such situations? If i try to talk reasonably, this doesnt work. If i ignore her, she gets even more pissed! Basically in such state no reason will calm her, and she can say the most aweful things.

You should dump her.

[Lite]

My ex wife would do this, and if I didn't tow the line she'd attempt toe escalate.

Eventually I just stopped playing the game, and whatever she said by the end of the argument, I held her to it. Right up to, and including, the moment she said, "You're a ****ing liar, we're through, I want a divorce." So I gave her one.

What I was apparently lying about was the argument 6 months before where she had said, "If you won't ****ing get me pregnant, then I'll find someone who will." during one of her escalation attempts because she was losing the argument.

Were I in your shoes I'd start with the simple response of, "You're an adult, deal with it." And let the chips fall where they fall. Write down every nasty thing she said, date it, sign your name at the bottom of it. I found this to be a very good sanity check when I felt that she had developed a habit of escalating arguments... It also kept me from embellishing what she had said over time due to my own hurt feelings.

So, I tracked them, and after she called me a liar, said we were divorcing, drove off, came back to find me discussing with my parents the problems with the relationship and that I would be divorcing my wife. She got angry with me for talking to my parents about "our problems". I told her that I really didn't care if she disliked me talking to my parents, they were my parents and I would choose what I talk to them about, and that I would file the divorce papers tomorrow. At which point she said she was sorry, she didn't mean it, etc. But, I showed her where I had written down what she had said 6 months ago, I showed her what she had said to me tonight, and told her that we were done.

Now, I wasn't a saint in this. In fact, I was quite the bastard, but she was her own piece of work too. It's hard to not retaliate when you feel you've been wronged.

[SirWagginston]

Try your best to convince her--in the nicest way possible--that she should seek mental help. If she cannot be convinced, you must let her know that you can't continue to be in a relationship with her unless she attends psychotherapy. Be supportive but firm.

[lahnnabell]

She sounds like an incredibly anxious person. I'm sure she's never learned how to deal with this effectively and resorts to passing her problems off for others to deal with. The only sure fire way to get her to straighten up would be to send her on her way. She's not ready to change from the sound of it.