I am completely torn.

[Greenturdtruck]

Hello all! I dug this website up because I really have a question I need to ask you ladies your opinion on. My girlfriend and I have been together for nine months and we have been deeply in love. She has an ex boyfriend that ive known for awhile who has since moved halfway across the country to Missouri, and whom both her and I talk to (I do about once a month, she does every other day or so).

Well, about four months ago she said she was going to go see him over spring break. He's paying for the plane ticket. At first there were plans to bring me along but then these were thrown aside as it was revealded he wouldn't have enough money.

He is the only person I know there and about two weeks ago she told me he has a bachelor pad with three other men I've never met living there.

My quandry is this: I want to let her be free and live her life, and there are quite a few cool things she listed off that she gets to do while she's there, but I am really uncomfortable with this. I could never imagine even asking to go see an ex for a week alone. Is my discomfort justified? I'm at wits end and I would appreciate any possible feedback.

Thank all the readers who took the time to immerse themselves in my bullshit little problems. This is just very important to me.

[kai]

Sign of trouble, my friend.

[sookie6]

Staying friendly with an ex: a sign of a well-balanced personality/water under the bridge and all that

Being a closed friend with the ex to such an extent that your staying at theirs over the week-end: not fair for the new partner and not healthy.

I would ask her to call it off especially since he is buying the ticket. It's just wrong.


Just my 2 cents

[Greenturdtruck]

Staying friendly with him is cool with me too. I enjoy talking to them on the phone. Most of the time she dosen't seem secretive about talking to him (although there were rumors that she brought up herself that they were talking dirty, then she said it was just his coworkers making up stories and kinda let it fall by the wayside). She's also doing her best to reassure me that nothing will happen (i.e. sleeping in another bed, taking sex toys with her to keep her satiated, ect.). I've also found a couple of letters from her to him that said how much she misses him and how everybody here prefers him to me, which is not what she tells me. I'm really falling apart here. Maybe it's paranoia but it sucks really bad.

[girl68]

Friendly is one thing. Going to spend a week with him alone at his pad? That's more than "friendly". I would not like that one bit and my partner would know it.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, hell no. No, no, no. This is not committed girlfriend behavior. I think this won't end well.

Time to think about your Plan B, my friend.

[Greenturdtruck]

Shit. What really sucks is that this is my first relationship, so I don't know if this sort of thing is appropriate or not (by the sound of it it is definitely not). I hope more than anything that we don't fall apart. I don't want to say she can do something and that I'm ok with it only to go back on my word because it's really not ok.

[TheWizard]

Sounds like you were a rebound.. how long after the ex and her broke up did you take his place?

I agree with everyone else, this is not good. They've had sex before, and now they will be in close quarters. Every single ex that comes to my apartment for my roommate does it for a booty call - even the ones from other states.

Don't let her go, or look for a plan B because she's got a cheating mind my friend.

[IncognitoSir]

No matter how much you may trust her, no commited gf would even want to to do this. Why would she want to go be alone with her ex this bad? Thats absolute BS! Please dont set yourself up for failure like this man. Stand up for yourself and your feelings now. Yeah, she's gonna say you dont trust her, but she shouldnt even have this in her head to do in the first place.

[starbuck]

Shit. What really sucks is that this is my first relationship, so I don't know if this sort of thing is appropriate or not (by the sound of it it is definitely not). I hope more than anything that we don't fall apart. I don't want to say she can do something and that I'm ok with it only to go back on my word because it's really not ok.

It's definitely not appropriate behavior. She's crossing some major boundaries.

It is not too late to tell her it's not okay. To hell with inconsistencies. If you start condoning this slippery-slope-type of behavior, she will continue to cross the line until she ultimately cheats on you.

[fnatic]

my point of view is to go along, buy your own ticket and go.
Cause this has bad news written all over it. You know they are friends cause they talk to each other a lot (which seems odd but it can happen i guess. being the ex and all that and it looks like they split up because he moved not because the relationship was bad) and all that so you demanding her not to go is a bad idea (trust issues). You letting her go is also a bad idea (Booty call issues) so one option left and that is to go with her.