Messed up and I admit it.

[Wick]

Ok, so I recently messed up and I admit it. Here's my story, I will try to keep it brief, hopefully.

Brief history leading up to my current situation.

Recently began dating this girl that I've know for a few years. Tried the dating aspect once but she was gun shy on wanting to pursue anything at the time because we worked together. Since that time I've had one girlfriend, more or less really just a friend with benefits that really drained me emotionally and ended badly.

During that time my now girlfriend, got pregnant and engaged. Immediately after her son was born she moved out because he fiancé was becoming aggressive and abusive. Few months later, moved back and then back out again this past summer after he said he didn't want to marry her. All through this time I listened to her life, pregnancy and provided a shoulder to cry on.

So we've been together as a "couple" for several months now. A couple of months into our relationship she had to start dealing with her Ex and courts over custody. One night we get into a argument about how everyone is coming at her with opinions on child raising (lets just primarily say feeding issues, not nursing). Well one of the issues was my mother, always having an opinion, just doing what she does best...express it. My girlfriend as me not to say anything, although I knew the situation with everyone giving her their opinion was bothering her, a lot. Now knowing my mother for 29 year, I figured that she could just tone it down a bit.

So current screw up...

I told my mom to back off a little on the opinions. Well with a new couple as we were we went through the, as I see it, typical holiday argument. Where and how are we spending our Christmas holiday? Well when it came time for her to spend time with my parents, day after X-mas...everything went down hill. You could here a pin drop at times. We exchanged gifts no real conversations were had and not much interaction was had between my parents and girlfriend and her child. Previously my parents would entertain her child and play around. They had offered numerous times to babysit that that she and I could have a night out. Now I know my mother was irritated because my girlfriend initially said she would be at their place around 5pm then changed to 3pm and finally arrived at 4pm. Well that just irritated my parents because they couldn't plan dinner or anything. My mom decided to wait for my girlfriend to leave to precede making dinner plans, but not before making it apparent that she was hungry and ready for dinner.

A week or so later during a nice dinner out, it came up and I tell her that I had asked my parents to tone it down on the opinions and how they came across. Granted not expecting them to act to the degree they did. Well that just put the icing on the cake with my girlfriend. I get branded as not being trust-worthy, though I did what I did out of good intentions. She wants to go back to basic dating...dinner, day or afternoon out. However the whole ordeal with her child’s custody is still continuing. I accept many things about her situation and have from the very beginning, knowing that it was not going to be an easy process for her.

Basically, I'm untrust-worthy at this point and need to rebuild that trust. I try to give her time, apologize and try to correct what I've done. Though I haven't spoken to my parents about that day, she doesn't think I've done anything until I address it with them. She is pushing me away through the amount of time she wants to spend with me by keeping herself busy with her child (not an issue) and then finding things to do when she doesn't have her child. Yet on the other hand she tells me, she wants to be with me, loves me, cares about me...etc (fill in the blank).

We had a very fulfilling couple of months prior to the current holiday. Spent many nights’ together, weekends, dinners, etc, to now essentially regress back to something less and start over.

Current state: Lost and confused, but madly in love.

Do I move on, which I don't want to do?

Any opinions would be welcome.

[Gigabitch]

Well, it sounds like you're at her mercy. This is not an equal relationship at all, is it? I don't really see why you were branded as being untrustworthy all of a sudden- that sounds like a petty excuse to me.

It sounds like she wants to keep you in trouble so she can manipulate you. I say call her bluff. Let it go back to casual dating. Get your balance back.

[Wick]

Well, it sounds like you're at her mercy. This is not an equal relationship at all, is it? I don't really see why you were branded as being untrustworthy all of a sudden- that sounds like a petty excuse to me.

It sounds like she wants to keep you in trouble so she can manipulate you. I say call her bluff. Let it go back to casual dating. Get your balance back.

Giga - No you're absolutely correct at the current moment it isn't an equal relationship. She does currently control when we spend time together with everything revolving around her child. Respectfully so, I would add...yet I can't but feel that when she doesn't have her child her intentions are else where on those days. Her actions and words don't mesh, they say two entirerly different things.

Also thank you...finally good to have a total outside opinion.

[lionwoman]

Sounds like emotional control on her end. I personally have no interest in dating someone with a child, no matter how much I care for them, because of potential situations like this where you are ALWAYS put second and not first. A normal relationship between adults is not supposed to be like that. The TWO of you are supposed to make decisions around each other and your own lives and I suggest finding someone who doesn't have the ex and all of that other unneccessary drama to deal with. Best of luck

[Wick]

Well the update...I agreed to go back to casual dating then as of last week she decided that we need a total break.

She still is doing the "it's not you, it's me" routine. She needs to figure out her life, dealing with custody and over loaded with work issues. She keeps telling me that she wants to get back together, would like me to wait around for her, but she would never ask me to wait. I still have a number of items at my place, some particularly large that she has not talked about coming and getting. Definately was a very hard few days expecially with my family and extended family out of the country on vacation. Good portion of the pain has subsided but still have the constant "what if" thoughts that I did something wrong or what I could have done differently.

Making it all not so easy is that I work with her everday, although I try to limit how much interaction I have with her to give her space and see what the future brings. Only solitude is that I have two great friends...one that I can only get to by phone and the other just a few miles away that kept me going over the past week.

Only nagging question left is to how long to wait and when do I ask her to come get her stuff. I would like to work the relationship out with her but also want to give her the space she needs. Yet, I can't wait forever.

It's nice to know others go through the same pain and frustration and that a place like this exists to let it all out.

Thanks all!!!!