Friends of the Opposite Gender?

[CelestialBody]

Where to begin? I'd like to share a story that hopefully will help others in my place to receive some advice and insight.
I'll start with a little background information. My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. It's mostly been great; however, like most couples we've had our arguments and disagreements. I'm sure my story isn't unique, so I know that others will be able to relate and offer advice for what works for them. I'll get to it.
All my boyfriend's friends are girls. I don't mean some of them. I simply mean all of them. It isn't enough that these women are random friends, most of them are women he has slept with, lost his virginity to, or are his old partners. For the sake of privacy I won't use their real names.
We all get to that point in a relationship where the subject of our old partners and flames arise. Brian, my boyfriend, has had sex with about five women, not counting myself. This isn't an abnormally high number or an abnormally low number.
Let me give a little background information on Brian. Throughout his childhood his friends were girls and this has not changed; this is not a new development. His first girlfriend named Cathy didn't have sex with him. Brian soon lost his virginity to a random stranger (now close friend) named Jackie. They met at a party and had sex the whole weekend. Girlfriend number two, Betty, was an on again off again girl. They had sex a lot. Eventually she cheated on him and it ended. Laura was a long time friend whom he ended up sleeping with. Callie was ALSO a long time friend whom he slept with. Girlfriend number three, Anna, was an alcoholic whom he slept with; however, eventually their relationship broke off.
Let me now give some details of events that have happened that I have not been okay with. I'll start from the beginning. It's hard for me to come to terms with the random strangers and current good friends that Brian has slept with. Especially when events have happened that have made me lose trust and confidence. Such an incident was when Laura had a conversation with Brian about how she loved him and about how she wished that they had had a real relationship. Brian responded by saying that they would be in a relationship one day, and he also said that he loved her too. In my books this is not okay. When this occurred we had been together for about a year. When this conversation was brought to my attention I felt devastated. What did this make me? The in-between girl? It was horrible. I'm not even sure that event has been resolved.
Brian thinks it's okay to do certain things that I think are highly inappropriate. Some of these incidents have been, having his friends sleep in his bed (not having sex) but cuddling, taking nude photographs of his friends, keeping old nude photographs of this ex partners, spending alone time with friends and old partners that he has had sex with.
Another incident that occurred quite recently was on Halloween when one of his school friends called Mandy started rubbing against him at a party and telling him how glad she was to have seen him there, and mentioning how much fun she had on their coffee date.
Many tears and angry conflicts have arisen, and it seems to be a constant struggle for the two of us to come to terms with each others sense of right and wrong; however, it always seems to be me that is hurt by these incidences. I'm an idealist. Some might think I am naive, personally I consider myself merely a little innocent at times. I have strong moral values. I often wonder why the world, or at least our Western World, has been reduced to casual sex with friends.
What are your views on my story? Have you been in a situation? Can you offer any advice, insight, or sympathy of your own? All views and opinions are welcome.

Thanks for your time,

Celeste

[Gigabitch]

I don't think he's the right guy for you, Celeste. One of the things that makes a couple successful is the fact that they share values. I'd say it's pretty important.

You can find someone who doesn't pull this crap.

[Ricola]

Yeah, that's pretty messed up. It sounds like he isn't at all in love with you, and seems like you are much more sexually responsible and mature than him.

[CelestialBody]

Thanks very much for your interesting advice. I am going to keep it in mind.

[Spades_]

It seems like his behavior was already well established before you came along and will not likely change. You did what you should have by bringing the issue on the table and discussing it, but he's not making an effort to respect your feelings regarding the matter and doesn't seem like he cares all that much. The issue of what behavior is right and wrong is very subjective in your relationship. He thinks what he's doing is perfectly fine, but you don't agree and in cases like this its hard for one person to convince their partner otherwise. My advice is to end the relationship and find someone who's values are more aligned with your own.

I was in a similar relationship where ideals were not mutually respected. We fought a lot about it, discussed it to great lengths, I cried over it, but nothing changed. I didn't feel that it was right for me to tell her what she "shouldn't" do, because its all perspective, so I ended up trying to deal with myself when she wouldn't change. Sooner or later, it tore me down and we ended up separating. I understand now that it wasn't something that I could change, or convince her of, and that its not something I would put up with in future relationship because I see it as being disrespectful.

[IndiReloaded]

Good luck with this guy. I can tell from your reply to Giga you'll have to hit bottom before accepting he's not going to change. In the meantime, you can expect to make all sorts of excuses and concessions to your own values. Only question is how far will you let him go? Try to decide at least what your end boundary is ahead of time. Try not to get pregnant before you figure this out.

[starbuck]

The world has not been reduced to casual sex with friends, and your values should not be in question. Why are you the problem in this scenario and not him?

You don't seem to want to accept that these are huge red flags. His boundaries with his female friends seem tenuous at best and it seems very likely that he will cheat on you on the future. I'm frankly not sure why anyone would put up with such disrespectful behavior. Put your foot down and tell him no more or dump him.

All those things you mentioned that he's done would be complete dealbreakers for me and any guy. Hell, just one of them would.

[sookie6]

A straight guy with women only friends:

attention seeking behaviour, huge ego.

The guy wants his harem. No doubt you'll be part of it one day.

[Softsoul]

I agree with sookie. I had a problem with my boyfriend's female friends as well, and I soon set him straight. I tolerate friends of opposite sex as long as they don't fit into "best friends" category, and I certainly do not tolerate him being "friends" with his ex's. Close friends of opposite sex mean trouble when in a relationship - that's what I've learnt from experience.

[CelestialBody]

Well. He and I are going to have a chat tonight. We had a fairly large argument last night. It was rather unfortunate.
I'm at a bit of a loss as to what I should say. I feel confused. I'm just going to try and pencil things out and see if that helps. I'm feeling very confused and unsure right now.

[MVPlaya]

I'd never let a girl do the same thing if I was in a relationship with her, but no problem if I was just casually seeing her. It seems like you're in a relationship with him, and he's wavering between being in a relationship with you and casually seeing you.

That behavior is completely unacceptable for a serious relationship. Your choice, dial the relationship back, cut it off completely. You're going to get hurt a lot more. And I'm actually willing to bet he's already kissed other girls, probably even ****ed them, during your relationship.