Is she overprotective? or am I wrong?

[HiMyNameisNick]

im 16, she 17. been dating 7 months. Had LOTS of ups and downs.

She always goes through my phone and accuses me of flirting with every single girl in the school, and deletes the numbers of the few female friends I have left.

However, she talks to more guys than girls, is always in contact with atleast one of her Ex's and always seems to find new guys to talk to.

So tonight I told her on phone she needs to trust me and let me talk to my friends. I am NOT the type of guy who flirts with girls, even when Im single I dont even bother with girls, they come to me. I am so happy to be in a relationship I would never compromise it.

I REFUSE to be treated like a liar and cheater when I have not ever done anything wrong!!!!!!!

But when I told her she needs to let me talk to my other female friends she immediately accuses me of liking every single one of them, and that im going to leave her for them.....but its not fair because I let her talk to anyone she wants.

She thinks its "fair" if I can talk to my friends on facebook only but I cannot have their numbers???

None of this makes sense to me I have done nothing wrong, so why am I treated like I have done something wrong? I see the world in a very black and white sorta way, and this just isnt right.

So far the only explanation I have for her actions is that she dated a guy for a year and he cheated on her and flirted with other girls and such....so maybe this is her revenge on him? to do it to me?


AAAHHH this is so frustrating

[reeges]

this is NOT healthy behavior in a relationship, and you're right to view it as a problem.


in situations like this, its best to just sit back with the person and try and address the problem reasonably. smile, use a casual tone, don't sound accusatory, but be sure to get your point across. talk about how she would feel if the situation was reversed.

say that relationships are above all else founded on trust, and you'll never be able to grow as a couple if she doesn't have faith in you.

use the example of your faith in HER, how you let her be friends with guys without worrying she's cheating, because you know in the end she is with you and no one else.

remember: CASUAL TONE. don't turn it into a trial. you're working through a problem as a couple, not demanding she change her ways.

[HiMyNameisNick]

this is NOT healthy behavior in a relationship, and you're right to view it as a problem.


in situations like this, its best to just sit back with the person and try and address the problem reasonably. smile, use a casual tone, don't sound accusatory, but be sure to get your point across. talk about how she would feel if the situation was reversed.

say that relationships are above all else founded on trust, and you'll never be able to grow as a couple if she doesn't have faith in you.

use the example of your faith in HER, how you let her be friends with guys without worrying she's cheating, because you know in the end she is with you and no one else.

remember: CASUAL TONE. don't turn it into a trial. you're working through a problem as a couple, not demanding she change her ways.

I have tried several times to discuss it with her, I have explained how I give her all of my trust and would like the same in return......but the conversation really doesnt go anywhere, it never works.

[Carmen]

I know you guys are young but have to learn that in NO WAY it is right to look at each others phone or anything personal. I NEVER EVER look at my boyfriends phone nor he looks at mine. Either she stops or you should move on. Make sure you're not trying to look at hers either because then you'd be a hypocrite.

[reeges]

well my friend, you have a serious problem. :/

how does she justify her behavior when you have these talks with her? does she give any reasoning or just leap down your throat?

the key here is to identify what is really bugging her..

if its all building off her ex, you need to identify a way to prove your faith to her. make her realize your trustworthy.

i guess you could give into her demands for a while.... show her she matters more than your other friends.... but with this kind of controlling personality it's probably not good to start a precedent of subserviance.

my advice is to establish a firm stance that some thigs are your business, and she just has to trust you to be faithful. let her scream her head off, you stand strong.

best of luck mate,

[NeoSeminole]

OP, why are you still dating her if she doesn't trust you and even worse, is a hypocrite about it?

[HiMyNameisNick]

When I try to talk to her about it, I use VERY plain and simple language...i dumb it down so she knows exactly what im getting at.

but everytime i bring it up, sheautomatically turns it into an argument, and seems almost pissed off at me just for bringing up the subject.

Maybe im a bad communicator? because tonight when I tried addressing the problem she saw it as: I like another girl and want to txt this other girl......WTFFFFFF

Im a good person but she sees me as a bad person

[NeoSeminole]

don't blame yourself for her problems. Girls are notoriously bad when it comes to logic. You can make a strong argument for why 2+2=4, and she will still throw a temper tantrum and think you are emotionally insensitive to her needs. Instead, put your foot down. Tell her you will no longer tolerate her controlling who you can and can't be friends with. If she doesn't like it, then show her the door. The reason she keeps disrespecting you is b/c you let her get away with it.

[doppelgaenger]

Neo's right. Put the foot down and be a man about it. She's manhandling you, boy.