Broken Heart Becoming Hopeless and Homeless

[Roymax]

No Matter how hard you try in life you just can't seem to get ahead. I don't have a car and don't have a supportive family that's dependable. Can't stay at my aunt's because her husband has a meth lab there. Can't stay at my Dad's because he is moving to another state with the only car I was using. If I lose my job I can't even keep the lights and water on let alone to save up enough to get my own car. Just yesterday I got rejected by a girl because I was being honest about my attraction towards her. My daughter is miles away in another state living with her mother whom I can't afford to see. I'm still trying to cope with how I've lost my family and home over nothing.

Soon I will not afford to stay at my Dad's but will have another major lost which a dog I love so much which I had for 8 long years who was my friend. My dad doesn't care and only looks at what's in it for himself. If I stay at his house I will have no way to work and will eventually lose my job. When I lose my job the lights and water will be turned off. I will then be forced to make a tough decision.

As far as my love life goes, the last one ended back in 2006. I had a wife of 6 years and being with her for 8. We had a daughter together who is now 4. It all started when I came home one day. When I got home from out of town everything in the house was gone including the dog. I thought may be someone had robbed the house so I checked around. I then called my ex wife at work. She broke the news to me that she had filed for divorce. My heart just stopped and fell to the floor. I was very devastated. I cried and pleaded with her not to go through with it. She said she wanted a life of her own and didn't need me anymore. I was thrown off by what she said. I didn't think in a million years something like this would happen. After she hung up I just fell to the floor crying...I shouted why? why? why? Then I heard a loud crack of thundering outside immediately after I did this. I cried for hours. As I sat all alone in the 4 bedroom house I tried to think of what I did wrong. I didn't cheat on her. I didn't beat her. I certainly didn't do drugs. I tried to be emotionally supportive. The only thing I can come up with is me being out of work for a month and being on the road for 3 months as a truck driver trying to support the household. As for job history I've been with the bank for many years until I got laid off and it's not like I constantly skip jobs all the time. If she lost her job I wouldn't have left her. I just don't get how couples would simply divorce over crap like temporary unemployment. After the divorce she then moved in with another guy. He now has my family.

After losing everything including the house I went back over the road. I had no home or car so I had no choice. Living on the road wasn't easy but I did it for the money because most of it went to an attorney to prevent my ex from leaving the country with our daughter. It made me angry because most of the money we spent (thousands) on attorneys could have been used for our daughter's college. I had no choice but to fight but the great thing is my daughter is still here and that's what counts. I barely won that battle but at least my daughter knows who her daddy is.

The challenge I face right now is trying to stay afloat. I have been homeless before and already know what it's like. I do not want to relive that nightmare again. Becoming a homeless person is about as low as you can get in life other than drugs or suicide. I'm trying to keep it together but it's becoming more difficult considering the circumstances. The feeling of being homeless is a truly scary experience because I'm afraid I may not come back out of it again. You would have to experience it to really understand. The homeless people you see out there were probably once successful like I was. They once had a home with husbands, wives and children too.

When ever I'm really down I try to think about the good times we had as a family. I felt like I was the luckiest man on earth being with a beautiful wife, daughter, dog, SUV, and a nice home. It was true love in my life. Then one day it just all disappeared before my eyes. Things never were the same after that. I wasn't the same person anymore. So I go on trying to figure out where do I go from here. You see having a heart isn't enough in this cold world of ours. It's war out there. I'm not looking for pity because I don't want it. I'm just sharing my experience here. It's reality. I wish I could jump into a time machine so I can go back and change a few things but I can't. I'm still living with the pain of everything going wrong. If I become a homeless person I am afraid that all my hopes and dreams will become meaning less. A person with a broken spirit who has lost everything may eventually lose hope in everything.
I'm afraid it will make me become a bitter person in the future even if I became a cold rich person enjoying seeing other people suffer. It's not so much about the money it's humanity in general. There just isn't enough love to go around in this world. I don't want to become another cold person this world does not need. Tell me where is the hope?

[Gigabitch]

You find hope by looking at your own personal integrity, your own values and by knowing that other people share these qualities. Not all of them, but some of them.

You're going through a really rough time. You can make it through this and still be a good man.

[kai]

O man! That is bad! I hope everything will be alright for you in the future.

You've got to keep on moving man. Things can't get worse than this. You'll only go up from here. You've got to struggle. God will help you. I don't know if you believe in God or not, but believing in God certainly helps a lot.

Your case reminds me of the movie "Pursuit of Happyness." It was based on a real guy. And, now he's a millionaire or something. He fought, you've to do that, too.

[cmacattack1]

Wow, I wish I had something to say that would be the answer to help you out of all this. That sounds really terrible how all this happened to you in what seems like a blink of an eye. When it rains, it pours eh?

Seeing as how your wife is already living with somebody else and seemingly divorced out of nowhere, I'm guessing she fell out of love with you but felt trapped by the marriage and all feelings and attraction were gone by the time she was ready to divorce. I'm sure there were signs that it was going down this route and no matter how blindsided you were, they were there. I'm guessing she wasn't honest about how she felt and didn't even have the decency to talk about it with you because of how shocked you were by everything. Having a child is not enough to want to keep an unhappy person in a relationship and if you really honestly believe you tried everything to make things work and she still wanted out, what else could you have done? You admitted you have made mistakes and like all of us, you want to be able to go back and change those things you did do wrong. What's done is done though, and it was a learning experience unfortunately. That doesn't take away from the good qualities of you and your self worth even if she doesn't want to be with you anymore.

It sounds like you hit rock bottom and when you fallen that far deep, it may seem impossible to get out again and you want to give up. This where you really have to dig your heels in. Use whatever resources you have available to get yourself back on your feet and give everything your effort here and it will be proof that not only do you have self worth, but you are fully capable. Your daughter is in the country, but she is not with you? I can't imagine her staying with you because you are homeless.

[SamFrmMelbourne]

Roymax, that was such a touching story. I must say you're a true survivor as you've gone through such situation. If you believe in God, have faith in His plan. If you don't, have faith that no matter how bad you've been hurt and how corrupt humanity is, there are always good individuals out there.

I feel you're a good person. Life has its ways to maintain the balance within it. Now, you're suffering greatly, but one day, you'll find happiness once more. Never give up because hope always exists. To quote Dale Carnegie, "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."

[Roymax]

Thanks Gigabitch, yes, I want to be good man to good woman one day.

Kai & Sam, yes, I do believe in a God. Sometimes I lack in faith because of things that have discouraged me in the past but you're right I can't give up. I must surround myself with people who believe in my potential. I'm glad I'm here because I really don't have any place else I can think of to go. As for the pursuit of happyness movie I am working on an on line business. I hope I can pull this off.

cmacattack1, there's nothing I could have done, you're right. I haven't been homeless just recently yet (crossing fingers). However, I will if I lose my job. As for resources I'm still working on it. I just need one good female friend if she is out there. Who can believe in me and I in her. It's tough being alone. The solitary lifestyle has really gotten to me while driving for the last 3 years.

My daughter can't stay with me unfortunately because her mother won't allow her to travel this far. When I have the money I will return back to Indy where she is at.

I want to thank all have responded. It helps me because if no one listened there's no telling where my life will be right now. Suicide has crossed my mind before but thanks for believing in me. I must not give up

[SamFrmMelbourne]

Glad that we've have helped you, Roymax. Everything happens for a reason, no matter how terrible it may seem, it will shape us to become a better person. Remember, life attracts life. You're going through difficult times, yes, but if you keep on living your life to the fullest, you will attract others who have done the same as well. And who knows one of them is the right partner for you.

Keep us updated. If you have anything to spill out, don't hesitate to write it here.

[Roymax]

Sam, thanks for the invite. I could always use a good friend. I added you to my contact list. btw, I tried to reply to your email earlier but got a massage saying I didn't have 15 posts yet.