Facebook Memories

[cmacattack1]

So I dated a girl for 8 months, and she wanted to marry me, thought I was the one and everything. I was selfish, and got too comfortable once I knew that I had her won over. I realize all this now and regret it all but she also contributed. She was very needy and would constantly cry to me about how I wasn't doing enough (calling, texting, sending stuff) and it turned me off more. I was emotionally abusive in the fact that I didn't tell her what was bothering me and withheld how I was feeling to her, although at the same time I don't know if I was ready to open up to her even though she had to me.

We were both immature, we were both insecure, and we both had some serious growing up to do. Eventually she got sick of it and dumped me, althought I was still the one to her just not now. She needed space even though it was the lack of attention to her that was the problem. Over about a month and a half this drama unfolded. That's when I pursued her for the first week with overattention until she gave me my stuff back, I sent her a letter saying everything was going to work out and that I'll give her space and she took it as me thinking I had another chance and got more angry. Went back and forth for a bit until she told me what I did to her was unforgiveable, she had a new boyfriend and how great he was, had moved on and that I needed to do the same. I wasn't even asking for her back by then, just letting her know what issues were going on with me since I felt guilty for not sharing them before.

Anywho, I refriended her on facebook since out of craziness and emotional I defriended her. She then blocked me from seeing her relationship status or her pictures, because of everything I did above made her think I was a stalker I guess.

This was three months ago when she told me about her boyfriend and I refriended her. She wanted to see me the weekend after, but I didn't and the next weekend I saw her out but just ignored her and we didn't talk. Fast forward to today.

The point is that I noticed she detagged all pictures we had on facebook, most likely for all the pain it brought or maybe to accentuate the point that we were done, which I have come to accept. For the possibility of future reconciliation, should I just block her from seeing any posts I do that appear on the minifeed? I don't know if I really dissapear from her life if I pop on her minifeed all the time. Also should I detag the pictures too? She has full access to all my info and would seeing those old times bring back the pain and resentment from before? I know it's been three months of not talking to her but just wondering if I'm just making things worse without knowing it.

[FrailWings]

I've got the same kind of problem with FaceBook. Except my ex deleted all our photo's, which to be fair, was only 3-4. But we're still friends on Facebook, so we can see what each other are doing etc. So i kind of use this to my advantage, because, i'm a fairly popular person, so since the break up i've been to 3-4 parties, and been out all over the city. Made new friends etc. So i'll leave things on my status, i just want her to feel like i'm moving on... and that i'm not going to be clingy, needy etc.

In your situation, it's entirely up to you what you do. Did defriending her, get you anywhere? Like did she text you more, or try and send you email etc? I know she's de-tagged things, but this is because most likely of memories. She doesn't embrace the memories right now. She doesn't want to see them, because they bring back memories. It brings back old feelings. But one day she'll look back and embrace them.

Should you or shouldn't you stop her from seeing your posts on the minifeed? Well, there's 2 things for and against. The positive what could come out of this is, she could get curious to what you are doing, and because she doesn't have access to the minifeeds etc on your facebook, she may or may not contact you. However, would you be doing this for your benefit? Are you doing it out of anger or sheer emotion? I can't tell you what to do, but if you want to get over her completely, or get out of her life... i would say yeah, stop those minifeeds.

I hope that's helped in a way, i had to quickly type it up. Stay strong buddy, this is just a blip, maybe a big blip ,in the thing we call life. You'll one day find yourself something else, and from this you'll learn more about relationships, and how to improve yourself. It'll all work out regardless, if your together with her, or with someone else buddy.

[Gigabitch]

I'm not seeing any evidence that anything has really changed, so why would you want to get back together anyway?

[QueenofCorona]

I always do better with out of sight, out of mind, if I have control over it. Ex's are ex's for a reason. Some people it doesn't bother so much seeing their ex but for me it really takes time to heal and part of that is distancing myself. Its like touching a hot stove, eventually you learn what hurts you and what you need to stay away from.

[Lovable]

Just "unclutter" your life by getting rid of the memories of something that was painful in your past.

You know it's the internet, it's SOO EASY to hit "delete".

[w3llborn]

Cmaca, I went through the same thing. As you probably already know, me and my ex were in a relationship for almost 2 years when she suddenly broke it off and started dating a co-worker. Facebook honestly made things very hard for me because I would always be checking her page and everything all the time. Then when she was officially in a relationship with some other guy and started posting pictures of them together, it just got too hard for me, so I 'hid' her from my newsfeed and just forced myself from looking at her page. I didn't want to completely delete her as we may talk at some point and I don't want her completely out of my life, it takes a long time before you can actually be friends with an ex, if at all. The best thing that I can tell you is 'hide' them from your newsfeed so that you are not constantly reminded of them. It has been about 3 weeks since I looked at her page and have noticed that I have been thinking about her less and less and it has helped tremendously. And also try to avoid looking at old pictures too soon as they will just bring back old memories and you would be taking steps back in the healing process. Me and my ex have over 200 pictures together and it hurts to look at them, so I just force myself not to. Good luck to you!

[SamFrmMelbourne]

cma, I'm in similar situation. My ex is the type of person who stays friends with her ex'es, while I'm not. I've never defriended my ex (or her sister and brother in-law), but she did detag herself from an intimate picture of us (put by our mutual friend, so she can't remove it) and removed the rest of them. I don't plan to defriend her, because she is also a friend of a lot of my friends (even my mum!), so I will always stumble upon her picture in that "Mutual Friends" box anyway. I've developed the willpower to not click on it, though.

Likewise, for the possibility of future reconciliation, I'm planning to disappear like a ghost, do some growing up, change myself for the better, and get my life back. If I ever get the chance to meet her again, hopefully, the pain that she has when remembering our memories would have been gone (you can't erase memories, though, you can just alter what you feel about them) and that should give me a tiny sliver of opportunity to 'rebrand' my image and show her the changed person I have become.

So, yes, if I were you, I would deny your ex the access to your profile.

PS: Probably stupid question, but how do you block someone from minifeeds without defriending her on Facebook?

[kai]

D-E-L-E-T-E and B-L-O-C-K.

[w3llborn]

well sam, the way I did it was just go to one of her posts on my mini feed and then just clicked the 'hide' button on the top right of that post..I haven't seen any more updates from her

[cmacattack1]

You can customize your privacy so that SHE can't see what YOU are doing. That was kind of my question. Like I said, she already blocked me from her photos and relationship status, but everything else I can see. I've strangely haven't been all over it like she probably thinks. I visited it three times since she refriended me three months ago. I don't want to remove them because I know when all the hurt is past, I will have the good memories to look back on. I was wondering if leaving it up for her to see at her leisure would constantly hurt her but I guess that's not really my problem.

My question was should I block HER from seeing my stuff? Would that really make me dissappear. She's been getting all my feeds for three months, so I'm guess it would be kind of stupid and pointless to now. And it is going against my whole "do not think of the consequences in terms of you and her" because I would be doing this for her. For all this logic I spew, I need people to keep me in line sometimes.

As for Giga thinking I haven't changed, I've done nothing but spent constant hours on here, listening to others stories, asking questions (Thanks Lahanna!), and giving insight on things I've learned so far and what not to do again. I don't need think I need to prove any points, but my break up really inspired me to really iron out some shit in my life, accept responsibility for my actions, and really hammer into my head everything I've learned to the point where it becomes instinctual.

[SamFrmMelbourne]

cma, that's what I meant as well; to block someone else from seeing our updates. Apparently I was fiddling around on the wrong screen but I finally found out how to set it.

As I said, you should block her. That won't make you disappear entirely since you're still one of her Facebook friends, but you won't draw her attention. It's better late than never. And yes, you may be doing this for her, but it's not like you're sacrificing or losing something.