My Girlfriend is Still in Love with her Ex

[najibjan]

1/20

The few weeks that I have been back at school have been I guess, interesting. I first get dumped the day I get back then a week later she gets back together with me. I felt her excuse for dumping me was very weak. Some bullshit about being distant and she wasn’t ready for a relationship. To me, I felt that her ex was probably involved in this. And was I right? Yup, I hit the nail on the head. First of all, this guy is a total sucker and an ass. She didn’t even want to date him at first. Then he proposes to her when they probably hadn’t dated for more than 6 months. Who the **** does that, especially in high school! Then he dumps her on Facebook after agreeing to do a long distance relationship. He lasted one week without her! Come on! Now I know that it is pretty clear she still has feelings for him. They talk to each quite a lot for being exes. I think that if I were gone for a day, she would probably talk to him more than me. The only thing that is keeping us together is proximity. We were away from each other for 3 weeks during Christmas break and I did to the best of my ability the “long-distance” thing. While she on the other hand was kissing her ex telling him she still loved . . . a lot. She probably wanted to dump me so she could go back to him. And she claims I was distant over break. For the first two weeks we talked fairly frequently. Then the last week I barely had word from her and when she did talk to me it seemed she was always in a rush. If anything, it’s just as much her fault as mine.
Once this school year ends I’m toast. Even if we are still together by that time, it’s gonna be over before the next school year starts. Unless we visited each other and talked a lot, it wouln’t even stand a chance. Regardless, my efforts will likely be futile in the end. These two thought about marrying after college. I mean sheesh, what are you going to do? **** around then go to your fallback and call it quits? That is very hurtful and not fair. So how do I fall into this picture? Am I simply a rebound or just another guy to pass the time with? Just someone to be in a relationship with so that she can simply have the feeling of being in a relationship? I don’t think I that I have ever had to deal with this much shit before. And to add to this towering pile of feces, I just got my bike stolen and got ****ed over by a group of people I was planning on living with. There were five of us and I suppose they just booted me out without bothering to tell me or something. One of my “friends” sends me a private message that he “doesn’t want to ruin our friendship by living together because it means a lot to me bla bla bla bla bla bla.” Well ain’t that a load of horseshit? Living in the same room is a lot different than living in the same house. Grow a ****ing pair and try things out. Sure for some people it doesn’t work out, but for some it works out great!
Anyways, this three-pronged assault is really unnecessary (or at least two). After all the time and energy I put into this relationship, I still feel that it is hollow and that while she may “care” for me, she is still in love with her ex. Love bah! What a terrible word. The English language really fails in that department. When I tell her I love her I only say it to mean I really care about her, for lack of a better term. But I suppose in this case she means it (in regards to her ex) in the “OMG I wanna spend like my ennnnttirreeeee life with you!!!” way. Isn’t that too early to really mean that you love someone? A high school sweetheart isn’t going to be the same 10 or even 5 years later. Things change. Chances are it won’t work out.
If she can’t move on I don’t think I can be with her. And I really don’t know if that’s possible. It doesn’t mean she has to cut all ties but it does mean that she needs to stop contacting him so frequently. Maybe several times a week. There is no need for someone to text you 20 times a day about boring shit when they are your ex and they clearly know their ex-girlfriend is in a relationship with another guy. That is a dick move and if I see this ****er, people are going to have to restrain me to keep me off him. Things needs to change and if they don’t, this can’t go on. It is not fair to me and I never knew about all this garbage before dating her. I would really like for things to work out but come summer, I wouldn’t be able to trust her with him in their hometown together. And if they do get back together, I am going to cut all ties with her. What you invited me to that wedding of yours? Oh I think my paper shredder is hungry, here have this shitty invitation. Non-contact will probably make forgetting her easier, which would be the best thing in the end I think. Which is clearly what her and her ex are not doing.
For the moment I am going to ride it out but if I find prospects, I am going to follow through. I am going to assume the worst is to come, which is also the most likely. In the end, time will only tell. She will have to live with her decisions and looking back, she may just see the mistakes she made.

[cmacattack1]

Were you looking for insight or just venting a bit?

[najibjan]

Probably venting.

[cmacattack1]

You more or less talked it out. I know when I say that sucks I'm sorry it doesn't really help but what can you do? She is in love with her ex, she isn't mature enough to be honest about it (letting you down easy) and she took you along for the ride. When we get dumped and it isn't mutual, the dumpee is usually left in a pile of unsorted feelings and it's so easy for the dumper to just pop in whenever they feel like it. It's a power struggle more or less and the dumper has the upper hand in the break up. She can't really help how she feels but she could use some serious logic in her decision making and not give into her emotions.

She thought that giving somebody another shot would help her get over it, but that doesn't work if you aren't on your own long enough to deal with the issues of the break up. You are that somebody and it isn't fair to you but she's just thinking about herself and what she wants. She's too immature to be honest or give you some kind of communication on this and it's just pissing you off, and what can you really expect? She is that person at this stage in her life. You have every right to be angry, but you know she needs some growing up to do. What are you going to do about that? Only she can do that on her own.

You are right especially at this age about her ex and really mostly any of us is that we change so drastically. Maybe she really thought he had changed? It's not likely he did no matter how badly she wants to believe. Let her do her own thing, this guy will dick her over again and you'll be the one to say "I told you so". Steer clear of her, she's an emotional mess as it is. Your anger is only going to make things worse, vent it in a healthy and positive way and take the high road on this one. Like posting on here is a start.

That's shitty how you got dicked out of a place to live. It's stupid and sad how even in college people that are your friends can't be honest with you. Reminds me of how all the sorority girls write bitchy emails and talk shit about each other all the time behind their backs and then in person they are like "Oh let's be friends" sweep it under the rug and hug and hang out together. It makes me sick.