She is out with another guy...

[castingstones]

Okay, It has been 7 days since I got the "she needs to work on herself" talk with my girlfriend of 2 years. We had a decent talk and seemed to leave on good terms. She still wanted to be friends after this (we were very involved in each others lives) so we have many mutual friends. This is no problem for me, I'm an adult.

Like I said its been 7 days since the talk, we have had no contact with each other at all. She did come to my house (while I was at work) and picked up a bunch of her stuff, not all, but most.
I am doing okay (not to upset anymore) but I do have a few worries...I don't know how to react when/if I see her out. If she was alone, no big deal. I do have a very strong gut feeling that she will be out with a guy that her and I had met the weekend before we broke up...This would not be good. How do you deal with this?

We met this guy out at the bar while we were celebrating my room mates birthday. My girlfriend had reconized him for he was one of her younger brothers friends. We met and proceeded to another bar as a group. We had barely gotten our drinks when i look over my shoulder to see our new friend beating the crap out of some dude. Being myself, i rush to break up this fight (so the security doesnt get ahold of him) and get him outside. When we get outside i ask him, "man, what was that about?" he told me that was one of his friends that stole his girlfriend. We ended up going to another bar Where the exact same thing happened, same guys.(When they kicked us out they also kicked the guy he was fighting with out and we just happened to go to the same bar)

My girlfriend spent the rest of the night consoling him. I was less then happy. (This guy starts 2 fights, gets us kicked out of 2 bars, and he is the victim????) So i say to her, its his own fault, let him cry about it. She wasnt happy with me.

(brace yourselves, it moves fast now) The next night we go for a drive to talk about things, it goes well, we fool around yada yada yada. The next day i call her to go to dinner, she doesnt answer for 2 hours. She finally picks up the phone, I ask "what are you doing" she replies " going to have dinner with B****" (the ultimate fighter that cant control himself) I said Ahhhhhhh.........okay, and we got off the phone. Long story short, she spends the night at his house (suposedly nothing happened) The next day we are having the talk.........I dont get it.

[cmacattack1]

Well I hate to break it to you but something probably did happen regardless of what she says and how much you trust her. They always try to let you down easy and it's ****ed up everytime. The month before my girlfriend dumped me, she was hanging out with this guy all the time and he would "walk her home from the bar" (we were at a distance then). She dumps me, month and a half later, they are officially facebook dating. Imagine that eh? She laughed when I told her how my friends spotted them getting cozy like it wasn't a big deal. When that honesty is gone, it's all ****ed up.

You are taking this very well for a girlfriend of two years and only being a week after the breakup. You aren't like most of us whining and crying and pining on these posts. I'm guessing it isn't your first serious breakup, you must come with some experience. I'm sorry to hear about that but you are taking it like an adult and now chasing after her or begging or doing anything horrible like that.

Tell us about the relationship? Was it rocky for a while or was it smooth sailing until recently? I find it hard to believe she would just up and leave you after a night or two.

[Perryville]

Dude, CMA is right. Yes, something did happen, yes you are getting dumped, and yes she is trying to salve her conscience by letting you down, "easy".

[IncognitoSir]

I agree with Perry and Cmac......way too many "coincidences" there. Follow your gut, she probably messed around with this guy and now shes braking up with you for him. It's a cowardly thing to do, but unfortuanately people do this sh*t all the time bro.

[shheadz]

These guys have already said it all. I'm just trying to understand the irony of that dude beating on another guy for stealing a girlfriend, when that's in fact what he's done.

[SamFrmMelbourne]

That shows how immature and selfish this other guy is. And if your ex fell for that kind of guy, then she is probably as immature and as selfish.

[castingstones]

Well I hate to break it to you but something probably did happen regardless of what she says and how much you trust her. They always try to let you down easy and it's ****ed up everytime. The month before my girlfriend dumped me, she was hanging out with this guy all the time and he would "walk her home from the bar" (we were at a distance then). She dumps me, month and a half later, they are officially facebook dating. Imagine that eh? She laughed when I told her how my friends spotted them getting cozy like it wasn't a big deal. When that honesty is gone, it's all ****ed up.

You are taking this very well for a girlfriend of two years and only being a week after the breakup. You aren't like most of us whining and crying and pining on these posts. I'm guessing it isn't your first serious breakup, you must come with some experience. I'm sorry to hear about that but you are taking it like an adult and now chasing after her or begging or doing anything horrible like that.

Tell us about the relationship? Was it rocky for a while or was it smooth sailing until recently? I find it hard to believe she would just up and leave you after a night or two.

I would like to start out with saying thanks to everybody for sharing their advice. Im new to the forum thing but if i knew it would have helped so much i would have picked it up years ago......That being said.....

No cmac this is not my first rodeo as they say. I have had a few before. The kicker of the break up thing is that you would think it would get easier the more you do it, this however is not true. Every time it happens your a little older and have one more defeat under your belt. It also gets to be a challenge to meet girls of your same status (never married / no kids) witch is not a big deal to most but for me it is.

The relationship was not rocky. We did have some issues but none that arent normal in a relationship. I do run 2 businesses and she hated stress. (Im not a big fan of stress either but you gotta do what you gotta do) other than that it seemed to be ok. I will tell you this though, women are patient when there are problems in the relationship and normally wont say much about them. They want them to fix themselves. The flaw in this is that when they have had enough, THEY HAVE HAD ENOUGH.....They will detach from the relationship before us guys even notice. Im sure this has happened in this case. If a woman is 100% in love and happy in her position, Brad Pitt could not detour them in 3 days. Thats a fact.

Dont think i came out of this unaffected. The first three days were torture. Couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, couldnt stay in one place for longer than 30 min.
I packed all her stuff up and put it in the closet for her to come and get. I cleaned the house to the point you could eat off the floor......Then it was time to realign.

Your support system is key. My business partner took me on 4 hour drives for the first 4 days Just so i could be moving and out of town. My female friends would call me and say "what kind of crazy girl would get rid of you" (i didnt really believe them, but it was nice to hear) they would also tell me what songs i should listen to. You have to force yourself to stay busy, NEVER CONTACT them and work out like a mad man. After a few days it gets better. Reading stories in these forums has helped out greatly, other then responses like the one from neoseminole, all of the advise helps........It helps to remind you that your not the only one this happens to. Although i agree with neoseminole, I dont need it reiterated to me, I am an adult,not a F****** idiot.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah I just had my first defeat a couple months ago and it was brutal. I'm sure it doesn't feel any easier, but with experience, you know what not to do: contact them or beg or anything like that, which I unfortunately learned the hard way. After a month and a half of off and on contact and lots of me being emotional and her telling me she had a new boyfriend, I finally found this place to let out some of my frustration. Best thing happened to me. Better than my idiot female friends who kept telling me to chase after her and try and win her over because as females themselves they love that for boosting their ego, not to get back together.

And that is a huge problem with MOST women. They want somebody to just fix all the problems for them, for the man to be the man and take charge. I was lucky enough to have an ex that was very straightforward and told me what was wrong and what was going on, but I was wrong in the fact that I didn't take my problems head on and fix them. She tried the only way she knew how, which was begging, crying, and chasing. She didn't have a good social outlet during that time and that is exactly what happens when you don't. Another important thing to have.

[shheadz]

You do seem to be taking it on the chin pretty well. Especially considering the abrupt way the relationship ended. You said these things don't get any easier, but you seem to have gone straight into repair mode like an experienced champ.

All we can hope for now is the other guy turning out to be a real a-hole (And given his propensity for violence we'll assume he is) and she comes crawling back to you. Hopefully you'll show her the door.

[castingstones]

Im sorry to hear about your loss cmac, it never is easy. I do have friends that have dated a few girls (no serious relationships) and met a good girl and gotten married, still married to this day. So there is hope for all of us.

Wow, your female friends told you that??? All of mine tell me the exact opposite. ''Have no contact with her, it will help you and make her wonder what your up to" Thats what they tell me.

[castingstones]

You do seem to be taking it on the chin pretty well. Especially considering the abrupt way the relationship ended. You said these things don't get any easier, but you seem to have gone straight into repair mode like an experienced champ.

All we can hope for now is the other guy turning out to be a real a-hole (And given his propensity for violence we'll assume he is) and she comes crawling back to you. Hopefully you'll show her the door.

It was a huge shock, not many things can prepare you for that. I loved this girl alot. I loved her family and they loved me (which is rare). Our status was the same (never married / no kids). If i sit and think about it the pain comes back. Like i had said you must force yourself to stay busy and think ahead, not in the past. It is very easy at this point to fall back into dwelling on whats going on and become depressed. You must not think about it. This time around i cried a bit more than i have before, i saw great things for us........I was obviously WAY off base. She had already left the relationship.

[cmacattack1]

At least you know and are mature enough to know that there isn't anything you can do. Most of us think in terms of how to win them back when its just pushing her farther away in the process.

[castingstones]

At least you know and are mature enough to know that there isn't anything you can do. Most of us think in terms of how to win them back when its just pushing her farther away in the process.

Its very true man. I cant be sure of the real reason for that but it is the way it is. It has been explained to me from female friends, "girls want what they cant have". Someone who turns their nose up at them is their next target. I really hate to say this (i dont think its true in all cases) but it does seem that it is all a game to them. Someone who loves them and is begging and pleading for them to come back is no challenge to them. In some cases i think that womens ego's are bigger and need more stroking then any mans. It does also bug me that i have to be "game" minded to set foot into a situation with a woman. At the risk of sounding shallow (im really not) but i do date attractive women, I have often wondered if this is part of my problem. My friends are married to attractive women but the ones i date seem to need an ego boost every 2 years and leave.

Look at the bright side cmac, you can learn from all our mistakes! See, you know now what NOT to do when they say "i need a break" or "i need space" or "I have to find myself", the majority of the battle is to know what NOT to do. If you have any questions or comments id be glad to try and help......If i can

[shheadz]

Women really are a pain in the butt. If you hang out in these forums long enough you see all the stories are the same... except they're different between the men and the women that come here. The women that come here often broke up with their boyfriend because he was some kind of a-hole. Or he was just an a-hole, and broke up with them. The men that come here are often completely blind sided when their girlfriend broke up with them.

You're right, and you already said this a few posts up. Women have usually decided long before the physical break that it's time to go. I know my ex dated the previous guy for a few months past the point of hating him before finally breaking it off. That little tidbit of knowledge made our break that much harder. She dated a man she called a complete sh!t head from day one for almost a year, yet she cares for me and we only last a couple months. Heck, she invited me to her place the other night, crawled into my arms during the night, and we had sex the next day. I can't even begin to figure that one out, so I'm not even bothering.

Women are supposed to be the big communicators. They're supposed to be the ones to express their feelings. But like you said, they'll let a relationship slowly die without saying a word. Or worse yet, they drop lots of cryptic little hints that things aren't going so well. It's so ****ing annoying.

Oh, and as far as them wanting what they can't have.. I totally believe it. My ex invited me over to her place the other night after I broke a couple weeks of no contact. I completely ignored her, even at work (I work with her a couple nights a week), and it was driving her crazy. She had pretty much forgotten I existed, but after just one week of no contact she was already asking to come over to my place. I swear, that kind of stuff makes no sense.

[eseros]

Okay, It has been 7 days since I got the "she needs to work on herself" talk with my girlfriend of 2 years. We had a decent talk and seemed to leave on good terms. She still wanted to be friends after this (we were very involved in each others lives) so we have many mutual friends. This is no problem for me, I'm an adult.

Like I said its been 7 days since the talk, we have had no contact with each other at all. She did come to my house (while I was at work) and picked up a bunch of her stuff, not all, but most.
I am doing okay (not to upset anymore) but I do have a few worries...I don't know how to react when/if I see her out. If she was alone, no big deal. I do have a very strong gut feeling that she will be out with a guy that her and I had met the weekend before we broke up...This would not be good. How do you deal with this?

We met this guy out at the bar while we were celebrating my room mates birthday. My girlfriend had reconized him for he was one of her younger brothers friends. We met and proceeded to another bar as a group. We had barely gotten our drinks when i look over my shoulder to see our new friend beating the crap out of some dude. Being myself, i rush to break up this fight (so the security doesnt get ahold of him) and get him outside. When we get outside i ask him, "man, what was that about?" he told me that was one of his friends that stole his girlfriend. We ended up going to another bar Where the exact same thing happened, same guys.(When they kicked us out they also kicked the guy he was fighting with out and we just happened to go to the same bar)

My girlfriend spent the rest of the night consoling him. I was less then happy. (This guy starts 2 fights, gets us kicked out of 2 bars, and he is the victim????) So i say to her, its his own fault, let him cry about it. She wasnt happy with me.

(brace yourselves, it moves fast now) The next night we go for a drive to talk about things, it goes well, we fool around yada yada yada. The next day i call her to go to dinner, she doesnt answer for 2 hours. She finally picks up the phone, I ask "what are you doing" she replies " going to have dinner with B****" (the ultimate fighter that cant control himself) I said Ahhhhhhh.........okay, and we got off the phone. Long story short, she spends the night at his house (suposedly nothing happened) The next day we are having the talk.........I dont get it.

There is a need to exercise patience and believe God for the best.